All right, perhaps I have been thinking/questioning/pondering too much:
I am always wondering this:
Do I matter?
I am not supposed to matter, right? God alone matters. I am to die to myself. Less of me and more of Him.
The question itself is selfish and self-focused, pulling away from God's glory, right?
Okay.
If I don't matter, then why do I exist? Why should I exist? Why should I continue to exist?
To glorify God.
If I don't matter, then God doesn't need me to glorify Him.
True, but God doesn't NEED me to glorify Him. He wills that I should glorify Him. He is God and requires that I glorify Him even if I am nothing. The rocks SEEK to glorify Him.
That is my existence?
In His presence, do I matter? Why? How? How much?
He created you in His image. He set you apart from the animals. You are of worth far greater than a raven and He knows when a raven dies. How much?! So much that He would choose to die for you.
But if some are determined to wrath, then we could say that He didn't die for them. (CALVIN!!) Then, do they matter?
"God so loved the world that He sent His only Son."
We can call Him "Abba, Father." Jesus and the Holy Spirit INTERCEDE for us in our weaknesses. He chose to have a relationship with us.
Is this a stupid question to ask? I have no value, but He has chosen to value me. He has chosen to redeem me with His blood. I am His adopted daughter.
How easy I forget that. How much I should meditate on that idea!
It is by His grace that we can matter -- to Him.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Predestined Vessels for Wrath
A great portion of today I was wrestling through the idea of predestination and "free will." At one point, I began to think about those destined for wrath. All we know, as Christ-followers, is our responsibilities we must carry out. We know what we must do and how we should live. We do not know what "balance" or "paradox" may exist bewteen the choices "we make" and what God has already determined, but we know how we must live.
We do not know who is determined for wrath.
This morning, I began to doubt (in bitter resentment and rebellious SIN) my need to go out and work – who cares and why should I? God already has prepared them for wrath.
As I jogged and thought I then realized that this concept should spur us on ALL the more to go out and within to CARE for people.
At least, when they die and they are being judged they will be able to acknowledge that they did see, hear, feel, know His love, but they chose to reject it. If we would CARE for others, on judgment day, even those prepared for hell would not be able to condemn us, but would realize their sin and be able to glorify the Lord all the more. While we care for others we also have the opportunity to bring some to His throne for grace. We might be able to find some destined for glory. What if He has suffered long through the vessels prepared for wrath in order that we might be able to experience His riches, His mercy, and His grace? (Parable of the tares in the wheat. When the tares are sown in, you can only wait to see the wheat.)
Here I must be careful…I again want to question, but questioning can be sinful. I will not lean on my own understanding. Leaning on HIM promotes the hope and energy within me to GO OUT. My questions pull me down and make me lethargic; releasing my need to know releases me to serve others. Focus on HIS glory, not mine.
If I did not care about my life, if I wanted to lose my life and be His slave, then I would have no trouble even if all I did was predetermined. If the Lord has determined all then that is good and blessed be His name for rewarding us when He has made us do it all. (But why?!) No!!! …I will stop my typing.
In short, all weak man can say is, "to Him be the honor, praise, and glory for ever. He is wise. I am dumb. He is everlasting; I am momentary. He is in control. I cannot change that, but I must submit to it."
We do not know who is determined for wrath.
This morning, I began to doubt (in bitter resentment and rebellious SIN) my need to go out and work – who cares and why should I? God already has prepared them for wrath.
As I jogged and thought I then realized that this concept should spur us on ALL the more to go out and within to CARE for people.
At least, when they die and they are being judged they will be able to acknowledge that they did see, hear, feel, know His love, but they chose to reject it. If we would CARE for others, on judgment day, even those prepared for hell would not be able to condemn us, but would realize their sin and be able to glorify the Lord all the more. While we care for others we also have the opportunity to bring some to His throne for grace. We might be able to find some destined for glory. What if He has suffered long through the vessels prepared for wrath in order that we might be able to experience His riches, His mercy, and His grace? (Parable of the tares in the wheat. When the tares are sown in, you can only wait to see the wheat.)
Here I must be careful…I again want to question, but questioning can be sinful. I will not lean on my own understanding. Leaning on HIM promotes the hope and energy within me to GO OUT. My questions pull me down and make me lethargic; releasing my need to know releases me to serve others. Focus on HIS glory, not mine.
If I did not care about my life, if I wanted to lose my life and be His slave, then I would have no trouble even if all I did was predetermined. If the Lord has determined all then that is good and blessed be His name for rewarding us when He has made us do it all. (But why?!) No!!! …I will stop my typing.
In short, all weak man can say is, "to Him be the honor, praise, and glory for ever. He is wise. I am dumb. He is everlasting; I am momentary. He is in control. I cannot change that, but I must submit to it."
Looky Here!
Look what happens when I don’t have papers to grade, or a need to plan for the next day!
Look what happens when I live in a house alone!
Look what happens when I have no immediate and pressing responsibilities!
I turn on Alicia’s Mix-O-Rama (which includes, but is not limited to: Louis Armstrong, Queen, Evanescence, and some Mary Poppins), I then proceed to run around the house for some minutes at a time in order to exercise and think. The other portions of the day I read, write, think, let out dogs, eat, read, think, read, think, write, eat, let out dogs, dance around, eat while I turn on the TV, let out dogs, sleep.
::chuckling, chuckling::
What a sad yet intriguing existence.
Look what happens when I live in a house alone!
Look what happens when I have no immediate and pressing responsibilities!
I turn on Alicia’s Mix-O-Rama (which includes, but is not limited to: Louis Armstrong, Queen, Evanescence, and some Mary Poppins), I then proceed to run around the house for some minutes at a time in order to exercise and think. The other portions of the day I read, write, think, let out dogs, eat, read, think, read, think, write, eat, let out dogs, dance around, eat while I turn on the TV, let out dogs, sleep.
::chuckling, chuckling::
What a sad yet intriguing existence.
Funny Thing about Gyms...
I was just pondering this as I entered the YMCA to go exercise on Monday:
What weirdos we are!
I know that the Young Men’s Christian Association has existed for some time. I know the Roman’s had their bathing houses and men were trained for war, etc, but what time are we living in that we have to schedule in time to exercise so that we don’t get fat?! I was thinking about my time of seclusion in this house in the snow, I have to tell myself to run around the house and then the rest of the time I sit to read, sit to write, sit to type, and sit to watch TV. Bleh. We--sorry there are crazies out there-- I don’t DO anything. Blah.
Why are dieticians so surprised that there is a surplus of morbidly obese people? People have been eating (and enjoying) doughnuts for generations. People have been cooking with lard and cream for centuries; those people (often) just had more movement in their lives. Now you take away a feeling of purpose in peoples lives, remove them from a community, give them images to lust after and depress over the realization they can never have that body, give them quick meals, cars, desk jobs, OF COURSE, PEOPLE are GOING to get FAT!
I don’t know that the causes of obesity have actually grown, I think the results have just been able to show themselves easier. Plus, MOST Americans, now, do not have to struggle for their next meal. That helps.
Then again, we have a “backwards” culture in that the rich are thin and the poor are fat. (But, our poor are actually "richer" -- in closer reach -- to life sustaining supplies than a great part of the world's poor.)
The actual point: we now need to SCHEDULE exercise into our lives. We choose to PAY for memberships. People have created multiples of exercise companies knowing that the American population will flock to use them. Just so weird. Our lives are such that we PAY to use our bodies. haha
What weirdos we are!
I know that the Young Men’s Christian Association has existed for some time. I know the Roman’s had their bathing houses and men were trained for war, etc, but what time are we living in that we have to schedule in time to exercise so that we don’t get fat?! I was thinking about my time of seclusion in this house in the snow, I have to tell myself to run around the house and then the rest of the time I sit to read, sit to write, sit to type, and sit to watch TV. Bleh. We--sorry there are crazies out there-- I don’t DO anything. Blah.
Why are dieticians so surprised that there is a surplus of morbidly obese people? People have been eating (and enjoying) doughnuts for generations. People have been cooking with lard and cream for centuries; those people (often) just had more movement in their lives. Now you take away a feeling of purpose in peoples lives, remove them from a community, give them images to lust after and depress over the realization they can never have that body, give them quick meals, cars, desk jobs, OF COURSE, PEOPLE are GOING to get FAT!
I don’t know that the causes of obesity have actually grown, I think the results have just been able to show themselves easier. Plus, MOST Americans, now, do not have to struggle for their next meal. That helps.
Then again, we have a “backwards” culture in that the rich are thin and the poor are fat. (But, our poor are actually "richer" -- in closer reach -- to life sustaining supplies than a great part of the world's poor.)
The actual point: we now need to SCHEDULE exercise into our lives. We choose to PAY for memberships. People have created multiples of exercise companies knowing that the American population will flock to use them. Just so weird. Our lives are such that we PAY to use our bodies. haha
Questions of Reality
A question: does the absence of ultimate power and independent existence take away the reality of a being?
--The economy is real. Its effects are real. It is dependent on humankind for its existence.
--We are God’s creatures. Without Him moving, breathing, living, and willing we would not exist. We only have the power that He has given us. We are whatever shape in which He has chosen to mold us. Does that take away the reality of our being? Do we actually exist?
--Define: “actual existence.” Do you have to have an effect upon something else in order to “actually exist”? (That tends to be my thought.)
--Define: “effect upon something” – your actions and choices have consequence(s) that affect the life and living and/or operation of someone or something else.
Does it have to be an independent action and a consequence independently created and grown? (Am I wanting to be a deist?)
--Does God determine all of our actions and all of our actions’ consequences?
--Does that take away their reality and thus, the reality of our existence?
Not that we don’t exist, but “apart from Him nothing was made that has been made.” I know my view is messed up.
How do I know what is reality? Does the Bible ever talk about, “this is reality”? I guess the reality of life is never really questioned. It is assumed that we all agree that we exist. The Bible's main concern is IN our existence who has power and authority and what our reactions must be within that structure.
Praise the Lord that He does not leave me in solitary confinement very often! I would go crazy in the pseudo-existence of my thoughts!
Praise the Lord that He did NOT allow me to major in Apologetics and Theology or Biology or Philosophy. I would be depressed and a hermit.
I found (one) of my processing problems: our existence is not based on what we DO. It is WHO has created us. Our identity and the reality of us comes from Him. He is ultimate reality.
Redefine “actual existence”: created by God, in His image.
Define: “His image”: not at this time, please.
--The economy is real. Its effects are real. It is dependent on humankind for its existence.
--We are God’s creatures. Without Him moving, breathing, living, and willing we would not exist. We only have the power that He has given us. We are whatever shape in which He has chosen to mold us. Does that take away the reality of our being? Do we actually exist?
--Define: “actual existence.” Do you have to have an effect upon something else in order to “actually exist”? (That tends to be my thought.)
--Define: “effect upon something” – your actions and choices have consequence(s) that affect the life and living and/or operation of someone or something else.
Does it have to be an independent action and a consequence independently created and grown? (Am I wanting to be a deist?)
--Does God determine all of our actions and all of our actions’ consequences?
--Does that take away their reality and thus, the reality of our existence?
Not that we don’t exist, but “apart from Him nothing was made that has been made.” I know my view is messed up.
How do I know what is reality? Does the Bible ever talk about, “this is reality”? I guess the reality of life is never really questioned. It is assumed that we all agree that we exist. The Bible's main concern is IN our existence who has power and authority and what our reactions must be within that structure.
Praise the Lord that He does not leave me in solitary confinement very often! I would go crazy in the pseudo-existence of my thoughts!
Praise the Lord that He did NOT allow me to major in Apologetics and Theology or Biology or Philosophy. I would be depressed and a hermit.
I found (one) of my processing problems: our existence is not based on what we DO. It is WHO has created us. Our identity and the reality of us comes from Him. He is ultimate reality.
Redefine “actual existence”: created by God, in His image.
Define: “His image”: not at this time, please.
Our Economic Crisis
We don’t know how far-reaching this crisis will go and we do not know how long it will last. We know we don’t want it to continue, but we don’t know how to stop it. We do not know who “needs” to be bailed out. We don’t know how much to give them or even how we could give it all to them. We don’t know what regulations should stay and which rules should be grown.
The economy is the center of conversation and the economy is the center of many people’s troubles. And yet, in and of itself the economy is nothing. It is something we have created and put into being. Without us, without the people, the economy has no power; the economy has no existence. We give the economy the power to rule and trouble us. Not that “economy” doesn’t exist, but it’s a label for a system that is made of men. “We” (in the broad and general term) are choosing to live and die by something that ultimately, has neither existence nor any power.
Then are these effects real? Of course. But how can something that is a working idea (the economy) affect something that is its creator (mankind)? We let it. It isn’t the “economy” that has taken our money, it is men. It is the selfish and greedy choices (I speak generally and broadly again) of men. The economy is the tool which we choose to make it. It will become whatever shape we mold it into. Our choices have consequences. They have been and could be very harmful. The faults within our system provide evidence for this point.
The economy is the center of conversation and the economy is the center of many people’s troubles. And yet, in and of itself the economy is nothing. It is something we have created and put into being. Without us, without the people, the economy has no power; the economy has no existence. We give the economy the power to rule and trouble us. Not that “economy” doesn’t exist, but it’s a label for a system that is made of men. “We” (in the broad and general term) are choosing to live and die by something that ultimately, has neither existence nor any power.
Then are these effects real? Of course. But how can something that is a working idea (the economy) affect something that is its creator (mankind)? We let it. It isn’t the “economy” that has taken our money, it is men. It is the selfish and greedy choices (I speak generally and broadly again) of men. The economy is the tool which we choose to make it. It will become whatever shape we mold it into. Our choices have consequences. They have been and could be very harmful. The faults within our system provide evidence for this point.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Praise Him for His Excellent Greatness
I must express the overwhelming joy I feel about the Lord. He is great and greatly to be praised!! Is He surprised by the working of the nations? I think that is what is giving me all this joy because He is NOT. He has a plan and this is part of His plan. I know His ultimate purpose and leading of the nations: Jesus will come and His glory will be seen through the whole earth. Yeehaw!!!
So, I should say...this is not (necessarily) the end of the world. But, change IS coming with Mr. Obama. It's not because of Obama himself; it's in light of the current global state. Change is demanded by the world's economic stability, political concerns, and the individual's concern for their own welfare. Nobody likes what they see. The people create a need for change and they will usher the change in -- hoping to see a better life for their future.
The LORD knows all of this. HE has the plan for what will work and what will not work. What will most glorify Him? We will see. I hope that I am a tool ready for His use. I KNOW He is refining me, but...am I usable? We will see. May He grow all of us more and more. May we love HIM more and more. May we grow in our understanding of His word and in wisdom.
Praise the Lord for His excellence. The world looks to Him and waits Him to give us food, water, health -- life. Praise Him for His grace that allows us to continue on. Praise Him for showing His love for us through His death on the cross even WHILE we were still sinners.
So, I should say...this is not (necessarily) the end of the world. But, change IS coming with Mr. Obama. It's not because of Obama himself; it's in light of the current global state. Change is demanded by the world's economic stability, political concerns, and the individual's concern for their own welfare. Nobody likes what they see. The people create a need for change and they will usher the change in -- hoping to see a better life for their future.
The LORD knows all of this. HE has the plan for what will work and what will not work. What will most glorify Him? We will see. I hope that I am a tool ready for His use. I KNOW He is refining me, but...am I usable? We will see. May He grow all of us more and more. May we love HIM more and more. May we grow in our understanding of His word and in wisdom.
Praise the Lord for His excellence. The world looks to Him and waits Him to give us food, water, health -- life. Praise Him for His grace that allows us to continue on. Praise Him for showing His love for us through His death on the cross even WHILE we were still sinners.
Here Comes Change
As I debate about whether or not I wish to spend my time "blogging" I must sketch out these ideas:
It is not so much that I am troubled about the coming of Obama. His election came as no surprise to me. He is charismatic, diplomatic, and (as I have heard so many people comment,) "cool." What else would the American people look for? He promises tax cuts, health reform, and pulling troops out of Iraq. While I do not know much, I do know that Bush was not too charismatic, he had trouble speaking properly, and his decisions did not leave people energized or enthused. American citizens want a change. McCain was not that change. He was not a "maverick" in the way he chose to debate or in the stances he chose to take. I have just spent quite a bit of time looking at articles about Obama on the New York Times; I knew about his "trickle down" economics plan, I knew about his plans to pull troops from Iraq, but new realizations have just entered my mind. I will now take the time to express them because I cannot leave them sweltering within my being.
Economics:
All right, so the middle class (SUPPOSEDLY) gets the tax cuts. He has said the tax cuts will go to those who recieve less than 200,000-250,000 a year. The rich will have increased taxes.
My questions:
--where will the middle class/poor choose to spend their money? Will they invest it in order to boost the economy? (No.) A great portion of them will spend it on food, toys, clothes, etc. Will that kind of spending help the economy? Many of them will also be inclined to store it away (I would be in both those camps. Spending on what I need then storing the rest.) But what happens to that stored money? It's not really benefitting the economy.
--if the rich have more taxes to pay, won't they pull back on where they will invest?
--the rich are the ones who were greedy and chose to give loans where there should have been no thought of such things. What has happened to those guys? I heard some still took formerly planned "business trips" to resorts.
--where is the bailout money coming from if the middle class has their taxes cut? The middle class is the "backbone" of this economy. (Correct?) If the majority of people are getting cuts, where will the needed money come from?
--Mr. Obama wants to pull troops from Iraq in order to reposition them in other countries. That requires money.
--He wants to reform health care and give more money to those who are not currently employed and who need health care. Where will that money come from? What will be the consequences for those choices? Who are the people who will qualify?
--Terrorists' Reactions--
I was not aware of this website's existance until this morning: Al-Hesbah. Apparently, it's where all the big terrorist groups and jihadists talk with each other. On that website many are expressing joy at the idea of Obama being elected as our next president. Yes, they did this in 2004 as well. But, their words seem to have some form of validity.
Their observations:
--Obama takes out troops increased freedom for recruitment of jihadists,
--interested in talking with Obama about his Muslim stance (considering his Muslim background)
--America is going to collapse if troops are kept fighting jihadists (because of our current economic state) and/or if Americans choose to pull out troops (because the terrorist groups will then expand.)
--Russia--
Russia is (almost?) threatening the United States about the next move they will take in regards to Georgia, nuclear power, etc. How will Mr. Obama handle that situation? How much understanding (and experience) does he have with foreign policy?
Who is Mr. Obama choosing to comprise his "team"? Who does he turn to for advice? What is his relationship with Mr. Biden? Do they agree? Why did he choose Biden?
Where does he stand on our freedoms of speech, religion, (yes, even) right to bear arms? (I think I do want that right, although I do think it is dangerous. But how is a free people to protect themselves from an oppressive government? Not that I would shoot. I have a plan to flee in the woods. "Climb every mountain!")
Isn't this so intriguing? I am now more motivated to know about Obama's policies. I don't know anything (really, frankly) about Bush. I am neutral about Bush. Not so with Obama. I want to know his every inclination so that I am prepared with a wise and readied reaction.
(The Lord has made me an inner-rebel for a reason. Perhaps for such a time as this?!! Probably not, but potentially.)
Maybe that is my/Our wrong in general. I/We should have readied our minds when Bush was coming into his presidency. I know some Americans did, but not the majority. I did not and have not.
Even now, the majority knows nothing. They/I do not know about Obama. Are they willing to research, or do they just follow what sounds nice? What tickles the ears? What "feels" right? Obama is a great orator. He could make anything sound nice. He knows how to carry himself and he knows how to control his speech. He has already wooed the Americans in the first round of the relationship; how will he take it to the next level? Why does he want to be president? What does he want to (ultimately) accomplish during his service as our president?
May we be alert and ready -- not sleeping. May be as wise as serpents and as gentle as lambs.
It is not so much that I am troubled about the coming of Obama. His election came as no surprise to me. He is charismatic, diplomatic, and (as I have heard so many people comment,) "cool." What else would the American people look for? He promises tax cuts, health reform, and pulling troops out of Iraq. While I do not know much, I do know that Bush was not too charismatic, he had trouble speaking properly, and his decisions did not leave people energized or enthused. American citizens want a change. McCain was not that change. He was not a "maverick" in the way he chose to debate or in the stances he chose to take. I have just spent quite a bit of time looking at articles about Obama on the New York Times; I knew about his "trickle down" economics plan, I knew about his plans to pull troops from Iraq, but new realizations have just entered my mind. I will now take the time to express them because I cannot leave them sweltering within my being.
Economics:
All right, so the middle class (SUPPOSEDLY) gets the tax cuts. He has said the tax cuts will go to those who recieve less than 200,000-250,000 a year. The rich will have increased taxes.
My questions:
--where will the middle class/poor choose to spend their money? Will they invest it in order to boost the economy? (No.) A great portion of them will spend it on food, toys, clothes, etc. Will that kind of spending help the economy? Many of them will also be inclined to store it away (I would be in both those camps. Spending on what I need then storing the rest.) But what happens to that stored money? It's not really benefitting the economy.
--if the rich have more taxes to pay, won't they pull back on where they will invest?
--the rich are the ones who were greedy and chose to give loans where there should have been no thought of such things. What has happened to those guys? I heard some still took formerly planned "business trips" to resorts.
--where is the bailout money coming from if the middle class has their taxes cut? The middle class is the "backbone" of this economy. (Correct?) If the majority of people are getting cuts, where will the needed money come from?
--Mr. Obama wants to pull troops from Iraq in order to reposition them in other countries. That requires money.
--He wants to reform health care and give more money to those who are not currently employed and who need health care. Where will that money come from? What will be the consequences for those choices? Who are the people who will qualify?
--Terrorists' Reactions--
I was not aware of this website's existance until this morning: Al-Hesbah. Apparently, it's where all the big terrorist groups and jihadists talk with each other. On that website many are expressing joy at the idea of Obama being elected as our next president. Yes, they did this in 2004 as well. But, their words seem to have some form of validity.
Their observations:
--Obama takes out troops increased freedom for recruitment of jihadists,
--interested in talking with Obama about his Muslim stance (considering his Muslim background)
--America is going to collapse if troops are kept fighting jihadists (because of our current economic state) and/or if Americans choose to pull out troops (because the terrorist groups will then expand.)
--Russia--
Russia is (almost?) threatening the United States about the next move they will take in regards to Georgia, nuclear power, etc. How will Mr. Obama handle that situation? How much understanding (and experience) does he have with foreign policy?
Who is Mr. Obama choosing to comprise his "team"? Who does he turn to for advice? What is his relationship with Mr. Biden? Do they agree? Why did he choose Biden?
Where does he stand on our freedoms of speech, religion, (yes, even) right to bear arms? (I think I do want that right, although I do think it is dangerous. But how is a free people to protect themselves from an oppressive government? Not that I would shoot. I have a plan to flee in the woods. "Climb every mountain!")
Isn't this so intriguing? I am now more motivated to know about Obama's policies. I don't know anything (really, frankly) about Bush. I am neutral about Bush. Not so with Obama. I want to know his every inclination so that I am prepared with a wise and readied reaction.
(The Lord has made me an inner-rebel for a reason. Perhaps for such a time as this?!! Probably not, but potentially.)
Maybe that is my/Our wrong in general. I/We should have readied our minds when Bush was coming into his presidency. I know some Americans did, but not the majority. I did not and have not.
Even now, the majority knows nothing. They/I do not know about Obama. Are they willing to research, or do they just follow what sounds nice? What tickles the ears? What "feels" right? Obama is a great orator. He could make anything sound nice. He knows how to carry himself and he knows how to control his speech. He has already wooed the Americans in the first round of the relationship; how will he take it to the next level? Why does he want to be president? What does he want to (ultimately) accomplish during his service as our president?
May we be alert and ready -- not sleeping. May be as wise as serpents and as gentle as lambs.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
On the second day of second grade...I'll tell you what I did!
That was supposed to be sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas. Whew! And we are off and running. Well, perhaps we are jogging. I just realized I can't type anymore. I need to plan. But I want to keep track of what is going on! The life of a first year teacher!! It's scary, fun and CRAZY!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Teacher In-service Week
With an amazing amount of effortless ease I opened my classroom door, turned on the lights and began to assess the work load that lay before me. I had been introduced to this classroom before, but hadn't taken the time to organize and put away. I had decided to save it for inservice week. I cannot tell, even after having lived through this week, whether or not that was the best of decisions. (Maybe that doesn't matter though. At least I MADE a decision! Just stick with it and then deal with the consequences. Stop trying to analyze every single cost and benefit. It takes too dern long.)
For several moments after turning on the lights I continued to stare at the bookshelves shoved in the middle of the room, the desks clumped in groups a few feet away from the bookshelves. I turned my attention to the cubbies taking up three-fourths of the east wall space. Cubbies were filled with children's books, teacher's guides, posters, boarders, craft items, puzzles, games, and the bookshelves were filled with even more. A sense of delight and gratefulness to the Lord flew through my being. The children would have a library to browse and books to read! Hallelujah! I would have books that would help me to supplement the students' understandings! Praise the Lord!!! Resources are beautiful things and yet I didn't know where to begin in the arranging of the items. Before breaking into this heavy job, I decided to pay a visit to the classrooms around me. My two neighboring teachers have both had one previous year of experience. Let me tell you, though it is only one year, that year experience gives you a focus. It gives you some wisdom that us greenhorns are yet lacking. After socializing for a bit, I returned to my room, filled with the excitement owned only by a first year teacher who does not yet realize the heaviness of the week lying ahead.
So, I enjoyed the teacher's meetings! Yummy breakfasts were prepared for us and then we could take the left-overs for lunch. I really enjoy the other teachers, administrators, and staff. We are all on the same spiritual mindset and page. We desire to see these students EXCEL in academics while we equip them for eternity during instruction. We all desire to see the Lord glorified in our lives and in the lives of the students. That's just so great. I enjoy laughing with them and talking with them and listening to them. I would say we have a variety of personalities and characters. I am thankful that (I believe) they have accepted me and are so WILLING to help!!! (I had about three people helping me move and arrange my desk items. Whew! So nice!!)
We had teacher pictures already. What to wear was a tough decision to make. What to wear?!! Students look back on these yearbooks for EVER. I made a decision, straightened my hair, painted the barn, and tried to smile like a teacher. We'll see what came of my efforts.
We had CPR/First Air training today. The BEST training EVER! The guy was SO great! He made a point that we are taking these class to be able to perform CPR, etc perfectly. Do I want someone to help a loved one if they only "kind of" know what they are doing, or would I prefer someone who could perform CPR perfectly? Of course, perfectly is preferrable. That takes practice...refreshing in my mind the steps of CPR. I will, indeed. I will be with kids EVERY day. I need to be ready and prepared. I don't want a lost life to be my fault when I have it in my power to possibly assist them in living.
Now, I have come to the end of the week. During this week I would arrive to the school between 8am-8:15am and leave between 7pm-9pm. Already the hours are coming at me! I just want that stinking room to be decorated and BEAUTIFUL! I have sixteen students and I am excited to meet them...yet that excitement also has a bent of nervousness within it. I have been praying for my students and my wisdom with them. The Lord has put me here and I trust and know that He will carry me through! This is His plan and will and I am confident will be the necessary learning experience for my sanctification and further reflection of Him. He is faithful and will complete the work He has started in my life as well as the lives of the students I will be meeting on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Praise the Lord and may He be glorified in all things!! (I pray I would be His ambassador.)
For several moments after turning on the lights I continued to stare at the bookshelves shoved in the middle of the room, the desks clumped in groups a few feet away from the bookshelves. I turned my attention to the cubbies taking up three-fourths of the east wall space. Cubbies were filled with children's books, teacher's guides, posters, boarders, craft items, puzzles, games, and the bookshelves were filled with even more. A sense of delight and gratefulness to the Lord flew through my being. The children would have a library to browse and books to read! Hallelujah! I would have books that would help me to supplement the students' understandings! Praise the Lord!!! Resources are beautiful things and yet I didn't know where to begin in the arranging of the items. Before breaking into this heavy job, I decided to pay a visit to the classrooms around me. My two neighboring teachers have both had one previous year of experience. Let me tell you, though it is only one year, that year experience gives you a focus. It gives you some wisdom that us greenhorns are yet lacking. After socializing for a bit, I returned to my room, filled with the excitement owned only by a first year teacher who does not yet realize the heaviness of the week lying ahead.
So, I enjoyed the teacher's meetings! Yummy breakfasts were prepared for us and then we could take the left-overs for lunch. I really enjoy the other teachers, administrators, and staff. We are all on the same spiritual mindset and page. We desire to see these students EXCEL in academics while we equip them for eternity during instruction. We all desire to see the Lord glorified in our lives and in the lives of the students. That's just so great. I enjoy laughing with them and talking with them and listening to them. I would say we have a variety of personalities and characters. I am thankful that (I believe) they have accepted me and are so WILLING to help!!! (I had about three people helping me move and arrange my desk items. Whew! So nice!!)
We had teacher pictures already. What to wear was a tough decision to make. What to wear?!! Students look back on these yearbooks for EVER. I made a decision, straightened my hair, painted the barn, and tried to smile like a teacher. We'll see what came of my efforts.
We had CPR/First Air training today. The BEST training EVER! The guy was SO great! He made a point that we are taking these class to be able to perform CPR, etc perfectly. Do I want someone to help a loved one if they only "kind of" know what they are doing, or would I prefer someone who could perform CPR perfectly? Of course, perfectly is preferrable. That takes practice...refreshing in my mind the steps of CPR. I will, indeed. I will be with kids EVERY day. I need to be ready and prepared. I don't want a lost life to be my fault when I have it in my power to possibly assist them in living.
Now, I have come to the end of the week. During this week I would arrive to the school between 8am-8:15am and leave between 7pm-9pm. Already the hours are coming at me! I just want that stinking room to be decorated and BEAUTIFUL! I have sixteen students and I am excited to meet them...yet that excitement also has a bent of nervousness within it. I have been praying for my students and my wisdom with them. The Lord has put me here and I trust and know that He will carry me through! This is His plan and will and I am confident will be the necessary learning experience for my sanctification and further reflection of Him. He is faithful and will complete the work He has started in my life as well as the lives of the students I will be meeting on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Praise the Lord and may He be glorified in all things!! (I pray I would be His ambassador.)
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Submissive Hippie Turns Teacher
Here I sit at my computer, warily typing words onto the screen in front of me.
You should not be typing this. I repeat to myself over and over again. The feeling of guilt begins to spread from my chest to my toes. You need to be typing in classroom procedures and plans for your reading language arts program. True enough. I should also be writing letters to people, sending emails to other people, reading great literature, updating myself on the Washington primaries. But I am not. I continue to sit here and type. I press through the feelings of guilt. I try to brush them away and focus my mind on the blogging job at hand. hah I have wanted to blog for awhile, but I couldn't remember my password.
Yesterday was my very LAST day of working at the YMCA. I am so sad. I am going to miss several of those kids very much. I really do enjoy the third through sixth graders. I also found that I really enjoy the boys. Boys will just play and you can have a good conversation, but girls are too...I am not sure what. Perhaps, emotional? Perhaps, touchy? Whiny? Needy? I don't know. Let's stop talking and just play a rousing game of...tackle for the shoe!! hahahaha The last few field trips we played that game. It was fun. I now have many bruises. It was a tackling type game. I gave a little boy a rope burn as I was trying to pull a hat out of his hand during the game. Oops. When playing football I also smooshed a boy into the cement wall. It was not on purpose. I couldn't stop myself at the speed I was going.
This week is teacher in-service (inservice? in service?) week. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am an official teacher. I know that it is possible for me to fill the responsibilities and DUTIES of a teacher, but good grief. Am I planned enough? No. Do I know how I want my room to be set up? No.
Oh! At the Y, I had a very intellectual/philosophical conversation with some boys (one boy in particular) about the moral struggles of the characters in Spiderman 3. He was very insightful in his analysis. We talked about the power of bad/evil to easily over take us as we choose the small, "not so bad" stuff.
I also had a connecting time with another...angry/bitter boy. He lies a lot, but at least he will now speak to me and wants to spend time not calling people names or beating them up.
I also had an interesting conversation with a girl who is afraid of getting sick and dying. I told her about Jesus and why I am not afraid to die.
There was a time I was angry at the parents who left their children at the Y. Why aren't you taking care of them AT HOME?! They don't need more toys, better vehicles, fancier clothes, or a bigger house! They need YOUR love and consistent discipline and training. Now, my heart breaks for these children and their families. So many of them are single parent homes. Some of these single parents are by choice; others are not. These children will never know true instruction about right and wrong; only what is fair and best for them. That is the philosophy of our world.
I miss good conversations and debates.
You should not be typing this. I repeat to myself over and over again. The feeling of guilt begins to spread from my chest to my toes. You need to be typing in classroom procedures and plans for your reading language arts program. True enough. I should also be writing letters to people, sending emails to other people, reading great literature, updating myself on the Washington primaries. But I am not. I continue to sit here and type. I press through the feelings of guilt. I try to brush them away and focus my mind on the blogging job at hand. hah I have wanted to blog for awhile, but I couldn't remember my password.
Yesterday was my very LAST day of working at the YMCA. I am so sad. I am going to miss several of those kids very much. I really do enjoy the third through sixth graders. I also found that I really enjoy the boys. Boys will just play and you can have a good conversation, but girls are too...I am not sure what. Perhaps, emotional? Perhaps, touchy? Whiny? Needy? I don't know. Let's stop talking and just play a rousing game of...tackle for the shoe!! hahahaha The last few field trips we played that game. It was fun. I now have many bruises. It was a tackling type game. I gave a little boy a rope burn as I was trying to pull a hat out of his hand during the game. Oops. When playing football I also smooshed a boy into the cement wall. It was not on purpose. I couldn't stop myself at the speed I was going.
This week is teacher in-service (inservice? in service?) week. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am an official teacher. I know that it is possible for me to fill the responsibilities and DUTIES of a teacher, but good grief. Am I planned enough? No. Do I know how I want my room to be set up? No.
Oh! At the Y, I had a very intellectual/philosophical conversation with some boys (one boy in particular) about the moral struggles of the characters in Spiderman 3. He was very insightful in his analysis. We talked about the power of bad/evil to easily over take us as we choose the small, "not so bad" stuff.
I also had a connecting time with another...angry/bitter boy. He lies a lot, but at least he will now speak to me and wants to spend time not calling people names or beating them up.
I also had an interesting conversation with a girl who is afraid of getting sick and dying. I told her about Jesus and why I am not afraid to die.
There was a time I was angry at the parents who left their children at the Y. Why aren't you taking care of them AT HOME?! They don't need more toys, better vehicles, fancier clothes, or a bigger house! They need YOUR love and consistent discipline and training. Now, my heart breaks for these children and their families. So many of them are single parent homes. Some of these single parents are by choice; others are not. These children will never know true instruction about right and wrong; only what is fair and best for them. That is the philosophy of our world.
I miss good conversations and debates.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Sudden Discovery!
I'll post more about my ponderings and thoughts about biblical living in regards to the family structure and girls coming home and boys coming home, etc etc... BUT!!!!
The Lord has made me the way I am and has given me the desire to live other places and discover other cultures and people groups and stand for causes. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
People do NOT control me (but I will honor, respect, submit to those with authority).
Guess what I have decided I am going to be now?
a...SUBMISSIVE HIPPIE!!!
hahahahaha I am the submissive hippie.
What does this entail? I do not know.
The Lord has made me the way I am and has given me the desire to live other places and discover other cultures and people groups and stand for causes. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
People do NOT control me (but I will honor, respect, submit to those with authority).
Guess what I have decided I am going to be now?
a...SUBMISSIVE HIPPIE!!!
hahahahaha I am the submissive hippie.
What does this entail? I do not know.
Thunderstorms -- Non-metaphorical
No Surprise -- RAIN in Washington!
Wednesday night was the first rainstorm that has occurred since I arrived in the Evergreen State. I love thunder and lightning. The clouds hover so low in the atmosphere, they provide a thick encasing. Their silver hue sounds out the warning, "heavy raindrops are about to fall! I hold great amounts of electricity, watch out!"
The crash of the thunder jolted me from sleep. I wish I had pulled myself out of bed to watch the lightning flash across the night sky. Instead, I rolled over and was lulled back to sleep by the drumming of the raindrops and the rolling growls of thunder.
I have missed these storms. I have missed the thrill of waiting for the lightning to strike, illuminating the dark expanse and then, with eager anticipation, counting the seconds until the thunder responds.
It's been a long time since I have seen lightning come down in jagged-rod formation. When I was about eleven years old, my neighbor friend and I dashed outside of the house as we saw the large drops of rain fall and heard the thunder grumbling. We had to get our bikes from the street to the protection of the porch. As we were pushing our backs back to the house, lightning struck right in front of our path. I don't know if it was an optical illusion or not. Neither of us felt anything nor was a mark left on the ground, but it was a thrill as we dashed back across the grass and got back to the safety of home.
I do remember watching a thunderstorm from a plane. I was heading back with a group of twelve others from Santiago, Chile. We were flying across the middle section of the United States. The lightning rods were amazing as they would suddenly appear and flash within the cloud. I kept marveling at the greatness of the Lord.
I must be a true Washingtonian. I love the rain, the smell, the feel; it makes me want to sing...in the rain.
Wednesday night was the first rainstorm that has occurred since I arrived in the Evergreen State. I love thunder and lightning. The clouds hover so low in the atmosphere, they provide a thick encasing. Their silver hue sounds out the warning, "heavy raindrops are about to fall! I hold great amounts of electricity, watch out!"
The crash of the thunder jolted me from sleep. I wish I had pulled myself out of bed to watch the lightning flash across the night sky. Instead, I rolled over and was lulled back to sleep by the drumming of the raindrops and the rolling growls of thunder.
I have missed these storms. I have missed the thrill of waiting for the lightning to strike, illuminating the dark expanse and then, with eager anticipation, counting the seconds until the thunder responds.
It's been a long time since I have seen lightning come down in jagged-rod formation. When I was about eleven years old, my neighbor friend and I dashed outside of the house as we saw the large drops of rain fall and heard the thunder grumbling. We had to get our bikes from the street to the protection of the porch. As we were pushing our backs back to the house, lightning struck right in front of our path. I don't know if it was an optical illusion or not. Neither of us felt anything nor was a mark left on the ground, but it was a thrill as we dashed back across the grass and got back to the safety of home.
I do remember watching a thunderstorm from a plane. I was heading back with a group of twelve others from Santiago, Chile. We were flying across the middle section of the United States. The lightning rods were amazing as they would suddenly appear and flash within the cloud. I kept marveling at the greatness of the Lord.
I must be a true Washingtonian. I love the rain, the smell, the feel; it makes me want to sing...in the rain.
Chained
It has been a long time since I have been encased in such a heavy burden. (I speak of the debate about the role of family in society. To stay forever or to go out in the world. What do these things mean and what are their consequences?!!)
The Lord’s yolk is light and His burden is easy.
It seems that these rules and regulations that I “must follow” in order to be "truly godly" are just excess baggage. Follow the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Obey Him. Care for widows and orphans. There are no explicit instructions regarding how old you must be before you leave the home or to what degree one is always under the parental authority. I am allowing, but I cannot allow man’s understandings and rules to reign over me. Some will follow Sabbaths and New Moons, some will eat meat and some will not. I will honor and obey my parents. I will be under the authority of my father.
But I will no longer allow myself to be shackled by the rules of others.
They are dragging me down to the depths. Why? Because it takes away all I thought I was going to do and be. Am I then finding my identity and hope in Jesus, or am I finding it in my plans? Am I willing to let go of my plans for Him? I think so. I just watched Amazing Grace and I was re-reminded that I like to fight for causes. I like to protest (although I have never been in one,) but “am I allowed,” according to these new thoughts? Or is that not for a woman? Can I go overseas? Can I be a missionary? Why am I a teacher?
These are all legalistic rules!! I am now chained by them. How can I escape?
How did I so quickly come to be their prisoner?
Choose to Wait Hopefully
I used to think that the primary make-up of this life is held in waiting. Everyone waits. People wait for the next thrill, the next pleasurable event. Christians [should] wait expectantly for the Lord Jesus Christ’s return. We all wait for tomorrow, the next hour; we wait for the shift to come to its desired end. We wait to see what tomorrow brings, what our thirties are like, and the wait to see the truth of the weather forecast. Our attitudes are greatly affected by what we expect, and so, what we are waiting for.
I find, however; that I am half wrong.
I now see that choice is a great color in life’s make-up. Putting aside what “choice” means in regards to the Lord’s will and His predestination of our lives, we have a choice in all things. What we are hopefully waiting for will affect these choices. Sometimes, our choices change our perspective on our wait.
Suddenly I see that choice and hope are the main possessions of humankind.
Dauntingly enough, all mankind stakes their lives on these two elements.
For what have you chosen to wait?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Desperation? I hope not
I am in Washington. The trees are full and green. The air is fresh and cool. The birds chirp happily in the trees, dogs bark now and again, children can be heard giggling. I do enjoy my homeland. Freely consume the tap water, no need to look for cars, the sun takes longer to disappear from the sky, and there are more appliances available to use in the kitchen.
As I was driving north on the I-5 during my recent migration, I came to some realizations:
#1) I need to set attainable goals for myself this summer.
#2) I need to practice clearly and precisely expressing myself verbally.
As I drove, I was trying to soak in the scenery. On Tuesday, around 7pm, the sun was setting. The sky was a mixture of orange, dark pink, and some left over blue. The dusty hills still formed my border as I passed a cheerful field of sunflowers. They seemed to be stretching out toward the sun, leaning towards its rays, trying to capture the last moments of daylight. Perhaps I am like those sunflowers. I have wanted to soak in my last moments with people, my last moments in a stable "student" environment, my last moments in my own environment, my last moments of driving alone in California, thinking and pondering the coming, yet unknown changes in my life. I doubt all this turmoil is kept in the stem of a sunflower. They are clothed by the Lord, then they are chopped down and are no more. Other seeds are planted and take their place. This is also true of my life. These moments of uncertainty are nothing, in comparison to the (possible) length of my life (which is a vapor) and ultimately, the time of eternity. The Lord knows and He is good and He will supply all my needs. HE IS FAITHFUL even when I lack in every way.
My angst comes because I don't know what I am doing or where I am going. I don't know whether or not I have a job and I don't know what jobs I will apply for if I don't teach. James comes to mind, "if it is the Lord's will we will do this or that."
I had an interview this morning. I rambled! Curse my ability to easily feel comfortable with people and so tell stories. I reminded my self before entering the interview that I needed to control my glee. I knew I would feel more comfortable because I know these people, but I forgot to listen to my very good advice. (Kind of like Alice in Wonderland.)
I am pressured to ask, do I want to teach? That is always the question running through my head. In this last week, the Lord has provided me with such a hope and joy at the thought of teaching, but what if I don't get the job after this interview? What will I do? How am I going to fit in at home?
Is this what a blog is supposed to be? I am rather melancholy. There will be funny stories, no matter what becomes of me. "Me becoming" will actually BE the funny story. Soon, this blog and my desire to write it will be included in that humor.
I need to expand my mind and read. What are some good suggestions? I also want to be very informed about my local politics, as well as on the national scene. Why do I want to vote for McCain? (Do I ACTUALLY want to vote for McCain? ...Ehhh...)
I have jury duty soon! I am a patriotic American.
As I was driving north on the I-5 during my recent migration, I came to some realizations:
#1) I need to set attainable goals for myself this summer.
#2) I need to practice clearly and precisely expressing myself verbally.
As I drove, I was trying to soak in the scenery. On Tuesday, around 7pm, the sun was setting. The sky was a mixture of orange, dark pink, and some left over blue. The dusty hills still formed my border as I passed a cheerful field of sunflowers. They seemed to be stretching out toward the sun, leaning towards its rays, trying to capture the last moments of daylight. Perhaps I am like those sunflowers. I have wanted to soak in my last moments with people, my last moments in a stable "student" environment, my last moments in my own environment, my last moments of driving alone in California, thinking and pondering the coming, yet unknown changes in my life. I doubt all this turmoil is kept in the stem of a sunflower. They are clothed by the Lord, then they are chopped down and are no more. Other seeds are planted and take their place. This is also true of my life. These moments of uncertainty are nothing, in comparison to the (possible) length of my life (which is a vapor) and ultimately, the time of eternity. The Lord knows and He is good and He will supply all my needs. HE IS FAITHFUL even when I lack in every way.
My angst comes because I don't know what I am doing or where I am going. I don't know whether or not I have a job and I don't know what jobs I will apply for if I don't teach. James comes to mind, "if it is the Lord's will we will do this or that."
I had an interview this morning. I rambled! Curse my ability to easily feel comfortable with people and so tell stories. I reminded my self before entering the interview that I needed to control my glee. I knew I would feel more comfortable because I know these people, but I forgot to listen to my very good advice. (Kind of like Alice in Wonderland.)
I am pressured to ask, do I want to teach? That is always the question running through my head. In this last week, the Lord has provided me with such a hope and joy at the thought of teaching, but what if I don't get the job after this interview? What will I do? How am I going to fit in at home?
Is this what a blog is supposed to be? I am rather melancholy. There will be funny stories, no matter what becomes of me. "Me becoming" will actually BE the funny story. Soon, this blog and my desire to write it will be included in that humor.
I need to expand my mind and read. What are some good suggestions? I also want to be very informed about my local politics, as well as on the national scene. Why do I want to vote for McCain? (Do I ACTUALLY want to vote for McCain? ...Ehhh...)
I have jury duty soon! I am a patriotic American.
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