Kisses Lavishly Bestowed

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Mothers of my acquaintance, you lavishly spend kisses on your children, never calculating how many you freely give each day.

I didn’t realize this until last Saturday.

A mother holds her newborn baby and gently kisses his head. This is not a planned way to help the newly arrived person to develop mentally and emotionally. She does not kiss his head because she read about it in her parenting book, (though she may have).

She does this because she has been waiting for his arrival, and now HE IS HERE! She has been loving this child for forty weeks, and now he is nestled in her arms.

The kiss is an overflow of her emotions. They reveal the precious reality.

Mothers lavishly spend kisses on their children, never calculating how many they freely give each day.

The child doesn’t think about the gift that has been bestowed on his head. As he gets older, squirms away from kisses, shuns kisses, and eventually refuses his mother’s kisses, he doesn’t cherish the thought of the kisses he has been given. That’s his mom. That’s what she’s supposed to do. (And, at eight, he’s too old and mature for that sort of thing.)

Mothers lavishly spend kisses on their children, never calculating how many they freely give each day.

Two Saturdays ago was a “horrible” time while leaving the orphanage. I put a baby (18 months old,) back in his crib and he began screaming bloody murder, grasping out his hands, wanting someone to stay with him and love him.

I left behind me a whole room of wailing children.

This last Saturday I went to the rehabilitation room. (This is the room where the nannies got mad at me for playing with the children’s socks and showing the babies how to throw their socks across the room. haha Oops.)

Last time I visited this room, a boy with cerebral palsy only cried and moaned when I held his hand. This Saturday he seemed to be feeling better. I began to hold his hand. I got closer to him and touched his face. He relaxed. I continued. Soon he smiled. Then, I got really crazed and hugged him and kissed him. He started laughing and smiling.

I did it with some of the other girls in the room as well. (Most of these children may have a form of cerebral palsy. All their arms are tied to the cribs in which they live. Most of them are between 12-14 years old. You wouldn’t know it unless you looked at their teeth.)

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Mothers of my acquaintance, you lavishly spend kisses on your children, never calculating how many you freely give each day.

One girl who has never before shown facial expressions started smiling when I bent down and kissed her forehead.

Never have I said, “How thankful I am for my mother's kisses! They helped me develop emotionally and physically. Mother, I thank you!”

But, I should be thankful.

The babies at the orphanage just want kisses. They want their faces to be touched and “tickled”. They want someone’s voice to soothe them when they cry. They want to be comforted in their tears, not commanded to be quiet.

One little baby started crying. The nanny shouted at her to stop crying.

When the nanny left, I started “singing” with her sorrow. Her crying stopped. I walked over to her crib and just tickled her face. Her eyes stared up at me, surprised and bewildered, not sure if she would actually keep her silence.

After awhile, she began to fall asleep.

I kissed her face too.

Oh LORD! Bring security and safety to these precious babies who have none.

Now that I know, what will I do?

(Will you also contemplate this question?)

Farewell...

I hope this is only temporary.
I hope to return to this blog when I return to the States.

I don't like leaving this blog behind.

We are GREAT friends and I have more to write on it. :0)

(For those who may have come to read what I said was here -- false. I felt convicted about posting something of that nature in the public eye knowing my present responsibilities.)

Thank you for understanding!

Hope we will be reunited soon.
--Alicia

Reflecting on "Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl"

(I am writing on this blog again. You can't hold me back! People who don't really want to read all that I write about China CERTAINLY don't want to be troubled by these miscellaneous ideas I have tumbling around in my mind...)

I never told you all what I thought about this book, LOVED IT!!!!

Loved his use of irony in regards to death. Loved his perspective...similar to thoughts I have had. I loved his mockery of philosophers while being aware of their history and treating them with respect. (Shows his true academic awareness and foundation, I think.) Loved the witty sarcasm. (Tossing some good punches.)

Loved how he confronted the issue of Gd and evil, but did not attempt to solve it. In many ways it was not satisfactory, but he left it in an acceptable manner.

The way he paralleled summer and the intensity of heaven really struck me. I had never thought in those terms before. I am still chewing on it, but I think I agree.

How could I/we be so stupid to NOT think it will be more intense?
Are we to suppose that serving in His actual PRESENCE will be less intense than our work here?

I have always been of the opinion that we will work in heaven.
Our lives here only prepare us for whatever reality (the true reality) awaits us in heaven; the reality that when we work we ARE worshiping Gd. (Amen!!)

How INTENSE will be His presence!
How INTENSE will be His worship!
How INTENSE will be the revelation of our true identity and responsibilities.

Awesome.

Hang on tight and keep on riding!!

(This book was one of the 7 I actually packed and brought with me to China.)

Will You Pray?! (Part 3) -- Prayer Requests

Here are some specific requests:

1--My Starbucks co-workers. One we shall call AW. I work with him a lot. We have had interesting conversations. Especially in regards to the supposed end of the world (and yet I am still here and writing). We had some good jokes and thought-provoking conversation.

Interestingly, a "new" girl is coming and I will not be working with AW as much. Perhaps the Lord is preparing for me to leave OR He is answering my prayer that I could work in the day.
(I only started applying a couple weeks ago. I had just prayed that I could work some more day shifts so I could get together with people and do things in the evening hours -- including ministry.)

2--China

3--Those people at the international school who must find and hire teachers. Pray that they would have wisdom and discernment in the hiring process and that all positions would be filled.

4--Pray that the Lord would stop me if that is His will.

5--Pray that I would have peace about either decision/outcome.

6--Pray that tomorrow's interview will be helpful in letting me know what to do.

Thank you for praying! (and reading) The Lord is good. The Lord is faithful! The Lord will bring about His will and purposes. The Lord will use us as He pleases. The Lord will call, justify, transform, conform, and glorify those He has chosen according to His glorious will.
May we trust Him and live accordingly.

Will You Pray?! (Part 2)

So...
Caroline did give me some good advice, as I drew her in to give me a tight squeeze. (hahahaha)

She told me I should go. She said she's all right with it. She said that it could grow me and challenge me.

True and valid.

That is the biggest and truest of the points.

This would probably be the most stretching of stretches so far in my life's history.

Maybe that's why it scares me.
(Yes, I am TERRIFIED!)

I would have to depend and trust on the Lord on EVERY level.

Currently, I would say I am living semi-dependent to fairly independent.

I don't generally pray that the Lord would give me wisdom concerning how to make a double tall cappucino.
(I DO pray, however; that He would guide my words and actions with my co-workers and customers.)

But, I would be re-entering the "teacher realm." I must pray MOMENTLY for Him to guide me with wisdom and joy and discernment when I am a teacher. The field of teaching stretches me far beyond what I am capable of doing on my own.

(If I were applying to teach at a school in Ohio I would probably go through these same troubling thoughts. I did when I applied at Grace Academy...and especially when Mr. Lugg called and told me that I got the job. I was SCARED.)

IF they offer me a position, can I take it because I want to be stretched? Do you just pursue things in order for you to be stretched? Do you sign 2 year contracts in foreign fields in order to be stretched and challenged?

Both choices have their sad parts that bring losses and both choices have their good parts that bring gains.

Am I being "called" to China? I have NO idea.
Am I being "called" to Cincinnati, Ohio? At this moment, yes. For an extended period going into this next year? I have NO idea.

Stink, stink, stink.

Will You Pray?!

All right, guys...
I haven't wanted to make an announcement because
1) What if it falls through? (They don't want me.)
OR
2) What if comes to an end? (I decide not to go with them.)

But I have now come to this point and (though I don't know how many of you actually read this,) I need prayer and insight and wisdom.

Are you willing to provide one, some, or all of those?

Here's the situation for which I need you to pray and give insight and wisdom:
I applied to teach at an international school in China.

Whoohoo, whoohoo!! (Correct.)

BUT!

I am struggling to make a decision. There are seven steps in the application process. I am in the middle of the fourth. I have a phone conversation (interview?) with one of the administrators tomorrow.

Why am I struggling to commit to a decision?

Because that's what I do.
My parents would like to rename me, "Inde Cisive Martin."

Also, because what if I am too loud to be in China?
What if I have no one to laugh with?!

I won't be able to read their street signs.
How will I be able to talk with people in the marketplace?

They only have kindergarten teaching positions open. Will I be okay with that young of a class?
Am I a good enough teacher?
What if I stink really horribly as a teacher over there?

I have never had China on my list of places to work in...travel to, sure. Their culture and history is AMAZING and so COOL! There are many things I would like to see and experience there, but should I commit to living there for two years?

What about developing friendships and ministries here?

What about my place as a Christian at Starbucks in Ohio, USA?

What about leaving my sisters behind?
They will grow up SO much in two years!
I have already left them behind for five years, now two more?
Some could be married by the time I return!!! --- (Though unlikely...more likely to be "dating".)

As I write these concerns out...they seem slightly silly...and I kind of wrote them in a manner that would communicate such an emotion...but they are also serious.

Am I just chasing something that I should forget?
Should I wait until I can go to India or Uganda?
What about my ministry at the new church and Starbucks? Opportunities to talk about Jesus!!!

People are important. I don't want to just abandon them.

Am I being foolish?

Which perspective is foolish?

Does the Lord really care which one I choose? No. He knows what I will choose. He's planned it. I'm just not sure which one I should choose.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord directs his steps." Indeed. (Proverbs 16: something)

I don't want to be wishy-washy. I don't want to be indecisive. I want to choose and stick with it.

The Hippie Side Strikes Again

My hippie side first rang out when I entered Half Priced Books in Kenwood, Ohio.

After I spent an hour drooling over the shelves and shelves of books, I began to truly notice the people: free spirits.

The cashier who completed my transaction had two lower lip piercings, wore thin, silver-rimmed glasses, and it looked like her dirty blonde hair (ahem) had not been brushed in weeks.

Her t-shirt, which was too small for her figure made an earth-friendly statement. Her skirt, which was too short for her legs, flowed and puffed with such freedom that its length and appearance were only small distractions to the overall presentation of her person.

She made me smile and I left with joy in my heart and an extra skip in my step.

Lovely. (Though I will not return to those days of that kind of "hippie-hood.")

When I arrived for my shift at Starbucks the eco-girl I have always wanted to be came floating through the door.

Her hair was a lovely brick red, her eyes were green, and her skin appeared to be blemish free. (Probably because she shops at Whole Foods and only eats organic.)

As she ordered her tall, soy, Earl Gray latte in a "for here" mug, I continued to stare at her face. (These hippie sightings are rare in Ohio. I take them in when I get the chance.)

Her eyes were free from mascara and yet she looked neither sickly nor tired. (Lucky girl.) Though her smile was limp and didn't show much enthusiasm, her lips were a nice mauve and make up for the awkward expression.

She wore comfortable, freely moving garments that made me envy her ability to pull off the look.

Her crocheted hat was the color of Ohio-ian wheat fields in the summer and her knitted cardigan was the burnt yellow I wish I could wear.

Predictably, yet with a freshness in her step, she took her earth-preserving, conservation-providing, recyclable mug to the outside patio where she pulled out her, (I have no doubt,) "tree free" journal and pen to aide her in documenting her life philosophies.

As she sat outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun; I was inside, enjoying the warmth of my mopping technique.

As her skin soaked in vitamin D, my skin soaked in my "vitamin of sweat".

I pulled my eyes away from the happy hippie and back to the mop business at hand.
A mixture of delight and sadness went through my being.

It would seem that the Lord didn't let me go to the University of Oregon for a reason. (McMinamins calls out to me. The streets of Eugene!!)

Ahh well. Granola is not fully compatible with my worldview anyhow.

And yet, I am still delighted to see such familiar faces in Ohio.
Makes it feel a bit more like home.

Glad I had the opportunity to see such a stylish, happily recycling, hippie girl.

(Maybe I can join their ranks...with dreads added...if I don't get a teaching job...)

Thinking of My Old Age

I recently had a conversation with a customer at Starbucks whose husband has Alzheimer's. While everything in his mind is being confused and forgotten he can still remember the names of World War 2 air crafts.

He was in the air force. He loved building model planes. He loved to study planes. Planes were so engrained in his mind that even as his mind is fading, air craft facts cannot help but burst out of him.

My expectation for my old life is that I will get Alzheimer's. I have family history and I myself am already quite forgetful and absent-minded. But, after hearing this story -- I want to be sure that I am preparing my diseased mind to spill out with Scripture and words of grace. I want to so love Him and know His Word that I remember Scripture even when my brain no longer operates properly.
(I have A LOT of work ahead of me...)

At the nursing home I now go to weekly, I see many old people who are sick.

That's coming for all of us. What are we doing with our "youth" (at whatever stage we may have it,) NOW? While we can still move and groove (haha) freely, how are we/am I choosing to use the youth the Lord has given me?

When I am old, I want to be satisfied with how I used my energy. I don't want to regret laziness.
(I best get going then...that's intimidating...Where do I start? Where do I go? How much do I do?)

While reading "Radical" by David Platt I was inspired by an anecdote told about a 70-year-old couple who help with disaster relief in foreign countries. WOW!
Let it be said of me!!!

If I get to keep the powers of my mind as well as my bodily functions -- let me be an example to the young ones! Let me keep on working!! No retirement!!

Even if my brain fails and my body can no longer be controlled by me -- may I glorify the Lord.
Let me invest NOW to produce THEN.

Twenty Five Years

I am now 25 years old.

WHOA DUDE!
A quarter of a century.
As the day passed -- I wanted to be able to "reflect" a bit with the blog.
The opportunity for that has not come until now.

Do you realize that if I were to live 75 years (is that the "average life expectantcy?) I am already one-third of the way there.
If I were to die tomorrow I have not been the best steward of my time.

As I look back on my 25 years of living -- what have I done that will last in and for eternity?
If I were to die right now and the Lord set my works to burn in testing -- what would stand?

The Lord -- He has been faithful and purposeful. He has not wasted me. He has molded me and shaped me.

In the last 25 years -- what have "I" accomplished?
...A lot of schooling...

Overall, I learned and soaked in this world. Grew and developed in concepts and understanding.
Spiritually, I learned about the Lord, was reborn/adopted, realized who He is, grew in knowledge and trust and love for Him...

So, these years have been the preparatory years. This has been the time of spring -- the seed growing, feeding on the nourishment, fighting through the weeds that could choke, pressing on through God's grace, growing strength in my roots while the rains pour down, wilting, growing -

Then I wonder...what will happen with the next part of my life (depending on how long the Lord has given me)?

Now I have this as a stewardship. The Lord planted my soul in fertile ground.
What fruit has He been preparing for me? What good works should I pursue?

Maybe, though, the next section of my life won't be the focus of "what fruit will I bear," but, "how will the Lord prune me?"

In order for me to bear much fruit -- and see my treasure in heaven -- this young, crazy bush must be still shaped and trimmed. He's already started to use His shears (HALLELUJAH!) they are sharp and He is sure. With each rip and tear (though they have been minor, comparatively,) He calls out, "I love you! Trust Me more! Love Me more! Know more of Me!!"

With more of these experiences I see the reality of His promise to complete the work and present me blameless. With CA to WA's chop -- I rebelled. From WA to OH's pruning -- I went willingly but did not rejoice.

Now I see -- REJOICE.

He's my all in all. (Do I believe that?)
ALL to Him I owe. (Do I give Him all?)
Sin had left a crimson stain -- He washed it white as snow.

By His grace ALONE, I will choose to abide in Him. I will pursue the opportunities for Him to chop me.

For twenty-five years I have been taught and now (it would seem,) I must act.

Lord, guide me to my gray hairs and beyond!!

Writing Bug

Well guys, I have the writing bug. In order to rid one's self there is only one solution: write it out.

I want to praise the Lord. I want to declare His goodness, His faithfulness, and His love.
I want to spread these words through the nations.
I want to show these actions that the world may know who He is.

And yet, will they hear?
Will their hearts be softened?

Jesus said to pray that the Father would send out more workers to the harvest. The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Sometimes I am disinclined to believe that.

Pray more.

First Response to Greg Boyd's Romans 9 Article

In this article Dr. Boyd makes some sweeping statements that I cannot agree with. I do not think his 6 points stand when held against the light of Scripture. I also think that he is not choosing to hold “determinism” (as he uses the word) and “free will” in balance.
Why does he choose the word "determinism"? This brings a connotation of no true human - God interaction. Which then immediately is false and unbiblical bringing the "predetermination" view in an immediate "bad light".
He first states that a deterministic God is NOT love.
How does he define God’s love?
Is God’s wrath not a piece of His love? Why not?
Then: when God exercises His wrath is His love absent?

In Ezekiel 33:11 God declares, “’I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live; turn back, turn back from your evil ways, for why will you die, O house of Israel?’”
And then we ask the question: How can any of us turn from our evil ways? Isaiah 64:6-8 – We are all dead in our iniquities. None of us turn to the Lord. All that we are is a work of the Lord.

Jeremiah 32:39 – the LORD will give them a new heart so they can make an everlasting covenant. All of Jeremiah is about this balance between God giving them opportunity to repent (His love and grace) while knowing that they will not repent, but He will save some – the remnant because He will choose to give those elect a new heart that can follow Him.

Psalm 14, Romans 3 also helps us to see that their unfaithfulness does not show the unfaithfulness of God to choose to act and save, but it reveals that He is justified in His words and that He prevails when He judges.
God HAS given us responsibility. He has determined what He will give us and we do have a responsibility within that stewardship. God is sovereign overall. If He has given to some man a hard heart – that is what God has determined for His own glory and that is good.
We are all condemned under the law. We are all given a responsibility to respond appropriately (in humility and with a heart of worship,) but where does this ability (to have faith) come from? God alone.
Can we create our righteousness? We are all as an unclean thing. We are all DEAD in our transgressions. Can the dead bring themselves back to life? God alone can give us salvation. God alone can awaken our souls.
By implication, then, this would have to mean that those He does not choose to soften, He chooses to harden. That would be in line with Romans 9 – Pharoah, Esau and Jacob, etc. In Acts it speaks of those who were APPOINTED to salvation believed. In John 17 Jesus speaks of those God has GIVEN to Him. He wasn’t praying for the whole world, but for those who believed in Him and those who would believe in Him.

2.) Chapter 9 is about individuals. Again, Boyd seems to be going to far to the opposite extreme. It is a “yes” and “yes”. Individuals are the ones that make up the nation. True, I don’t know if Esau went to hell or not (Hebrews seems to indicate that he did,) but the INDIVIDUALS are the ones that make up the nation. Why else would Paul be talking about Jacob and Esau and Pharoah? Paul Is writing to INDIVIDUALS. This is not just to demonstrate some historical point. (Besides, God never saved the WHOLE nation of Israel – Hebrews 3:16-19.) Again, that passage (as does the whole book,) points out the BALANCE between “determinism” and “free will”. There is an interaction between the predestination of God and our responsibility to correctly respond to what He has given us. With that God has written who we are and how we will act according to His purposes and plans and we cannot act outside of that. How this works is NOT explainable.
In point 2 Boyd even says that God will “choose whomever He wanted to choose.” Precisely. That is an individual and it’s who He wants.
Boyd also says, “Paul was not concerning himself with the eternal destinities of people. His concern was solely to show God’s sovereignty in electing people to a historical vocation.” Really?? Romans 9:1-5 and 10:1-4 – Paul is weeping over and praying for PEOPLE who make up a nation, but his focus seems to be on the PEOPLE themselves.
Again, I will come back to Paul is writing about both – the NATION as the ones who had the law, etc and the individuals. 10:5 is good for the individuals and 11 is good about the nations, but (again) Paul comes back to the individuals when he talks about how will they hear, believe, go preach, etc.
Also remember 9:14-18 – individuals.
11:19-24 demonstrates a good balance.
Boyd also brought up Jeremiah 18:1-4 and said that this demonstrates the potters flexibility. Why then does verse four end with, “as seemed good to the potter”?
God DOES interact with us. (Jesus is the biggest interaction demonstrated, of course). He especially interacts with those He has chosen – He disciplines, corrects, grows, provides the Spirit, etc, but this is all ACCORDING TO HIS WILL.
Jeremiah 11:4-11 – is declaring and demonstrating His grace and His goodness. But He knows and He is the only One who can allow us to repent.

Point 5 paragraph 3 I “agree with” until Boyd writes that God changes His mind. Coming to the Gentiles is in accordance with His plan as shown through out the Old Testament (Isaiah really comes to mind.) Our reactions that will happen are in accordance to His plan. He is not waiting for us to repent. He is not wondering whether or not we will repent or who will repent – He knows because He has already predestined us according to His will (Ephesians 1:5). Looking at Revelation, He has determined some who will experience His wrath. He has predestined those who will experience His mercy – this is all to demonstrate who He is – in order to bring Him glory. THAT is the good He has planned. That is so that all will be astounded by His love and for those of us who are chose we should be AMAZED and HUMBLED at what He has done and motivated all the MORE to go out and share the Gospel because we DO NOT KNOW who has been chosen, we DO NOT KNOW if (though we do have assurance of salvation,) if we are deceiving ourselves. We have been given a HUGELY GREAT stewardship and the knowledge of His predestination should motivate us to PRESS ON and work HARDER.

A huge issue I have in point 5 paragraph 6, “the people God chose to have mercy on are those who have faith…” Say WHAT?! So, when I was dead in my sin and wickedness I started seeking after Him and then He said, “OH! Look at how amazing Alicia is for choosing me! I will reach out and choose her. Good job, Alicia! You get salvation because you chose to have faith.”
Ahhh – that is IMPOSSIBLE. I was DEAD in my transgressions. (Ephesians 2) I was BLINDED in my sin (2nd Corinthians 1-5) The wickedness of my heart DECEIVED me. (Jeremiah 17:9) Whatever good that may work out of me is from God and the grace He has shown me.
NOW! I will say – that after salvation we do have that choice to press on.
I will also repeat myself to say that he has given us the responsibility to respond appropriately to salvation and to His “Godness”. If we choose to harden our hearts (as the Israelites did in the day of rebellion, and as Paul describes in Romans 1 and warns against throughout the letter,) we will receive strict judgment.

God is just even if He chooses.
God is love even if He chooses.
Why does His choice negate these things?

Are you too heavily influenced by the thoughts and definitions of man and human philosophy?
I know I was when I was battling this.

Can God be God if He did not choose?

Is what Boyd is saying even possible? – If God chose me because I showed faith, isn’t that salvation by works? Our works come AFTER salvation to PROVE our faith (James and Romans --- and the whole of the Bible.)
The covenant in the Old Testament was, “if you do good --- you will be blessed; if you do evil, you will be cursed.” But who enables us to do the good? Who hardened Pharoah’s heart? Who hardened the kings in Babylon? Who hardens and/or softens anyone’s heart?

Does the potter’s clay get to jump off the wheel? No. The potter can smash it however he wants. This Potter has made the clay and knows how He will use it and knows how He wants to use it. He DOES interact with us, but it is also in accordance with His will.

There is a balance. We cannot fully understand this balance, but accepting the balance pushes us to trust more in GOD and less (LESS!) in ourselves and our understanding.

The Heart Trilogy

God is CRAZY-wild

So, can I just say that God is a little crazy?

Wait – no – I don’t mean the “out of your senses” kind of crazy.

I mean the “amazing, unbelievable, beyond my comprehension” type of crazy.

(There is no other word I could locate within my brain that could communicate that concept as clearly as, “crazy.” Maybe – wild.)

He’s working within my soul and I am OVERWHELMED.
I am OVERWHELMED with His purposeful craftsmanship.
I am OVERWHELMED to recognize that He actually IS preparing me for GLORIOUS things in Eternity!!!! For heavenly reward!!!

I am also overwhelmed because I don’t know what it means. I don’t know where I am going with this sudden burden of urgency and need to change and act. I don’t know what specifically to change or how to take new action.

This plan of His is amazingly, wildly CRAZY because – He chose me before the foundation of the world to be CONFORMED to His image that I might find fullness of JOY in Him and reveal His wisdom to the heavenly principalities. (YEEHAW!!!)

I PRAISE THE LORD! because He is showing me how FAITHFUL to His promises He is.

Guess what?!

HE WILL PRESENT US BLAMELESS!!!!
HE PRESERVES HIS SAINTS!!!!
HE GROWS US IN GRACE AND KNOWLEDGE OF HIM!!!!
HE WILL FINISH THE WORK HE HAS STARTED!!!!
HE HAS NOT LEFT US ORPHANS!!!!
HE HAS GIVEN US ALL HEAVENLY RICHES IN HIM!!!!!

::skip, skip, doodah, doodah::

God is amazing and the sanctification process and perseverance of the saints promise AMAZES me as I see it being worked out.

God is working and changing. He has NOT left me to die in my sin of rebellion and complacency -- in my ignorance. He has taught me His Law! He has convicted my soul! He has given me the grace and the power through His Holy Spirit to be VICTORIOUS!!!

Last year, I asked that God would change my heart from a heart of stone to one that would love Him fully and above all other things. Immediately He began to work. It was painful. He had to take away idols, but it was GREAT!! I love Him more than ever I have loved Him before -- and yet-- I am so far from loving Him completely and above all.

This year my request for the impossible was that all my hopes and dreams would be given to Him and that I would only hope and dream HIS desires, according to His will.

HE has been guiding my steps in this manner.
HE has taken me from point A, to point B, to point C -- it has been a building block process.

On this progression the Lord had me read:

--Revolution in World Missions by KP Yohannan (TORE down the idol of being a missionary)

--Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot (TORE down the idol of control and independence)

--Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (PLANTED questions concerning the poor, orphans, and widows – about my place in society as a Christian)

--the Bible by the Holy Spirit through various human authors/Weinbergs (PRUNED awareness of the repetition of the theme – justice, compassion, giving, sacrifice, care for orphans, widows, don’t be blind to their needs.)

--the Bible/Sean/One28 staffers (PRUNED/WATERED/PLANTED awareness of the picture of discipleship, of LOVE for the Church, of the PRECIOUS position of the Church, of the PRECIOUS calling of the Church, we must pursue MORE, MORE!!!)

--the Bible (PLANTED the awareness of LIVING OUT holiness in LOVE-actions – not me being perfect, but giving God the glory, pointing to HIM and not to myself or my arguments.)

All these things have been jumbled in my head.

How? HOW do I live this out at Starbucks? HOW do I praise the Lord more publicly? When do I speak? What actions of sacrifice and love can I give to my fellow baristas and customers?

Then…I began reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan (three days ago… 4 chapters left…I am reading two a day,) and it’s affirming all these themes together: LOVE in holy action, SACRIFICE for discipleship and the Church, GIVE to the poor, LOSE ALL for the sake of the Kingdom.

To what extent am I supposed to “lose all”?!
Should I teach again? Should I go to another country? Should I stay at mission-field Starbucks?!!

How serious was Jesus when He told the rich man to sell all he had and give to the poor?
How serious was Jesus when He preached the “Beattitudes”?

Because I am comforted here and now, am I missing out on my heavenly comfort?
Because I am full now, will I not be as full in heaven?
Do I mourn enough so that my joy will be GREAT in heaven?!
The Bridegroom has not yet come, should I take more time to fast???

When Jesus requires my ALL – when Jesus requires me to DIE – how far am I going?

Have I been REJOICING in the fact that my dad has asked me to stay at home?
Have I been REJOICING in the fact that I am living in Ohio?
KNOWING that this is God’s will for me?!

WHERE is my treasure??

Why haven’t I been REJOICING more in Him? Why haven’t I been PRAISING Him that He would choose to plan these events in my life to REFINE me and CONFORM me to the image of His Son?!
That He has CHOSEN me and is continuing to PROVE that He has CHOSEN me because He CONTINUES to MOLD me and CHANGE me.

I am overwhelmed.
God is crazy-wild.
And I just don’t know what to do.

(Be still -- pray. Be faithful. Be ready. He knows. Trust Him.)

***HUMOROUS aside: I am not purposefully calling God “crazy” in line with Francis’ book. That is a coincidence of thought. haha

This morning I asked that God would truly overwhelm me with Himself. After writing the paragraph, I forgot about the request and moved on with my quiet time. By the middle of my time with the Lord I was OVERWHELMED by His work in my life to preserve me as His saint. He answered my prayer in a crazy way I wasn’t expecting -- and I am still overwhelmed and have been so since this morning.

Eternally Imperative

I am not sure if I should be posting this. It's an email I get from missionaries (Scott and Jennie Phillips) in Indonesia. I don't know them personally, I just "happened upon them" while doing research for children's church/missionary Sunday last year. I now LOVE them. I hope you will too.

This update is sobering. That's why I wanted to post it.

Pray for them and then pray about our stewardship with the people God has brought to us.

Go to their website.

He was only weeks away from hearing the message he had been waiting for and asking for for so long. Multiple times, Ekapitaa sent messengers down from his village, to ask for the Creators message. He even made the two day hike down to our village himself and asked us in person if we would send someone up to his village to teach him and his clan. It was over a year ago now that he began asking. The Dao believers had to make a choice, will we go down to teach the Taomi clans first that have also been asking for teachers, or hike up to Ekapitaa's area and teach the Mokotaka clans first? A year and a half ago there wasn't enough teachers that could read and teach well enough to go both places at the same time. They chose Taomi. Now, finally a year and a half later as other trained Dao teachers are finally starting the teaching in Ekapitaa's area farther up valley, we got word that Ekapitaa, the village leader passed away. He never got a chance to hear the story of what Jesus did on his behalf though he was waiting for and asking for it for so long.

The Dao believers are shocked at the news of Ekapitaa's death. He was one of the most looked up to people in their people group. They can't believe that he was so close to finally hearing the Creators message, yet missed hearing it by just a few weeks before he died. Over the past two weeks people have come hiking through our village from as far as 2-3 days away on their way up valley to grieve with Ekapitaa's family.

Yunus is one of the men that came from over two days hike away, from another yet unreached branch of the Dao people group, to grieve the loss. These are the words he said to us this past week. "Friend, I am afraid. I come and see the people here in your village that have already heard the Creators message and see how they have hope in what will happen to them after death because they know of this message. Then I hear about my good friend Ekapitaa that just like the people of my clan, wanted to hear the good message from the Creators leaf book but never got a chance to. Ekapitaa died before having a chance to hear the message, and I am afraid that it will be the same for me. I fear that just as Ekapitaa, I will die before ever having had a chance to even once be taught about the Creators trail to eternal life."

In a desperate attempt to raise up teachers that can someday come to his village, the following day Yunus chose three young men from his clan, that were also traveling with him and told Jennie and I that he was leaving them in our village specifically because he wanted them to learn how to read and write. All this so that these three young men could in the future carry back to his village the words of the Creators book. "I am leaving these, my sons, in your care. Please teach them well so that they can in the future teach our clan about the Creators message. I must hear this message before I die" he said to us before leaving to make the 2-3 day return hike back to his own village.

The following day three more young men, one named Dabepiyaa, the son of the man named Ekapitaa that died also showed up having hiked two days down from Mokotaka in hopes that they also could join the literacy classes and also be taught about their Creator and his son Jesus. It seems like this is a unique time in the Dao territory that God is using this tragic death of a man that desperately wanted to hear about His Creator but never got a chance too, to stir up various unreached villages all over the Dao territory.

We praise God that He is using this tragic death for His Glory . We ask you to please pray with us that we will have wisdom as we work together with the Dao believers here to teach those that have come to us from these far away unreached areas. We are teaching them not only how to read and write but also trying to teach them through the Creators story chronologically from Genesis all the way up through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. We also have more advanced daily Bible classes going on daily for the believers from our village and are co-teaching with the Dao teachers on Sundays as well through the book of Ephesians. We need prayer that these teaching times will also go well. Last but not by any means least, Jennie is also working daily to continue translating the New Testament into the Dao language and there is also teaching going on by the Dao believers in other villages. Please pray with us that we will all have wisdom in teaching and balancing all these different responsibilities. We appreciate you all and also your prayers, encouragement and faithful support!

Holiness -- Is an Action

“Be holy as I am holy.”

But what does that mean?

Of course, to be holy, (we often hear it,) is God sumarized, to be perfect, set apart, etc.

But how does holiness live?
Is it sterile and clean?
Do we stand apart from all those “vile, unholy” ones in order to be "set apart"?

God Himself is what holy is.

So, how does He choose to describe and reveal Himself – His holiness?

I have noticed a particular theme that runs throughout the Scripture to describe the One who is holiness.

(This has just been JUMPING off the page at me as I read through the Bible…)

When Moses, the one who was with the Lord face to face heard the proclamation of YAHWEH’s name on Mount Sinai during the second inscription of the 10 Commandments, how was the name – the personhood of the Lord proclaimed before Moses? How did GOD choose to describe Himself and to make Himself known?

“The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:6-7)

Throughout the Scriptures these phrases are used to describe the Lord.
(That is what I have been especially noticing in the last few months.)

“Abounding in steadfast love” has really stood out to me because (not only is it repeated in this phrase alone,) but it summarizes the “merciful, gracious, slow to anger, faithfulness, and forgiving all iniquity, transgression, and sin” descriptors. (1st Corinthians 13)
Note, also the “other side” of God’s holiness: not clearing the guilty; punishing the unrepentant sinner.

Hmmmm…

“Be holy as I am holy.”

How do we live this out?
What are the “movable appendages” of His holiness? (ie What does holiness look like? Feel like? What does holiness DO?)

Is it “just” striving for sacred perfection? (That is an important aspect of it because He punishes iniquity to the third and fourth generations. And yet...)

1st Peter 1:13-2:3,

13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, 15 but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."

22 Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 23 since you have been born again

2:1 So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.

Our holiness is love – it’s about where our passions lie.

I LOVE THE CONNECTIONS!!!!! Holiness and love -- inseparable. (Wow!!)

Out of the purification of holiness flows deep wells of love that cannot be measured or comprehended. (Those deep wells would be the Lord's.)

Whoa.
Crazy.

This holy love that surpasses all knowledge and understanding! That is unsearchable – yet knowable because He has made Himself known to us.

Wait…”selah”…--> made it know “to us.”

WHAT a stewardship we have as the Body of Christ!
(This is humbling; precious gift and a precious responsibility.)

What are the “moving appendages” of holiness??!! – Love.

Funny thing, what is the greatest commandment(s)?

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” (Deuteronomy 6:5 and Matthew 22:37-40)

The monks seem to have been mistaken (yes, yes,), the snobbish church people seem to have been in error (of course, of course,) we the living stones who are to make known the eternal wisdom of the everlasting King appear to fall short in our holiness.

(Not only in the pursuit of a life of perfect living, but in “doing” holiness.)

When our name is “proclaimed” are we known for mercy, steadfast love, grace, forgiveness, and compassion that is lived out in a life pushing on for perfection?

[“If you love Me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15)]

Holiness is not a list of do’s and don’ts, but the expressed manifestation of our holy [perfected] love.

Holiness is love...and [true] love is being holy.

Awesome.............(Think of the connections between Jesus and the fall and revealing Himself and the church and us being perfected and heaven....wow....Also, on the reverse -- think of the just consequences seen in His wrath when this commandment to be holy is rejected...when love is not accepted and not given to the One whose well of love is immeasurable...May we fear Him!!)

Increase my love, oh Lord. The call is demanding -- requires my life, my all -- not that You gave less. (You are the One who has given far beyond what my imagination can fathom.)

Ohio Life Basics

--Skyline Chili is acceptable and consumable. I have only eaten it once, but I would eat it again. The cheese is of good quality and adding cinnamon adds an intriguing flavor.

--The freezing weather is continuous -- BUT -- Ohio gets so many more sunny days in the winter! They were warning us that winter would be "so gloomy." hahaha We have had WARM days with sun, cold days with sun. Very nice. The only problem is that even if the sun IS out...it doesn't mean you can go outside. I have been confused.

--Drivers are horrible. Parking lots can be dangerous.

--Traffic lights are long and ridiculous. (That's why everyone SPEEDS up when they see yellow and proceed on through when it's red.)

--Stores are so CLOSE.

--We don't have as far to drive, but now when I drive for 25 minutes I think I have been gone for an eternity. (The 45 minute drive seems so LONG now.) haha

--There is no recycling.

--Everybody drinks.

--Garbage is everywhere.

--Watching football and commitment to a team is serious business. [Katherine and I have plans to take up baseball and next year's football as serious business. This year's Super Bowl was so much better to watch because I had "CONNECTIONS" with a team. I had a reason to hope for the victory of the Packers -- namely so the Patriots (enemy of Cincinnati) could be defeated.]

--There are gyms on almost every corner.

--Wendy's' (how do you pluralize that word?) are numerous and every lunch hour there is a HUGE line in MacDonald's drive-thru's.

--They need some Jamba Juice's around these parts.

--When they don't hear what you said they don't say, "Excuse me, what did you say?" or "Can you repeat yourself?" or "What?" Instead, they say, "Please?"

--I now know the reality of Michigan being the enemy and Michigan's enemy being Ohio.

--I enjoyed the color of the fall leaves. I look forward to the WARTH of spring. I am nervous about the humidity of summer.

--Churches and religion are apart of the culture. Didn't know that still happened. Thought that died out and was replaced by liberalism long ago. (People still attend Christmas Eve service as a family tradition. Strange.)

--Some homes around here look like the postcard homes.

--"Bye Bye Birdie" takes place in Ohio. Never knew.

--George Clooney is from Cincinnati.

--"The Christmas Story" takes place in Indiana. I find more humor in why the little brother is fully bundled on his way to school.

--I now understand why most calendars have pictures of snow in January.

--I hope we can travel the short distance to the East Coast. Does it compare in beauty to the Wild West?! (I don't think it's possible.)

Life in Ohio -- Part 1 of 3

Spiritually:
It has been a battle. A battle to trust Him. A battle to not lose heart.
Why?
I think because I am so weak. I am so weak that I despair when I have to live somewhere I would prefer not to live.
Nevertheless, He is training me to endure and to be patient.

The battle has been the toughest when I am looking at what I want and how I am going to bring it about rather than focusing on the Lord and His will and His ways. It’s hardest when I forget that I am supposed to trust Him and lean NOT on my own understanding.

My understanding questions why I would leave a teaching position in such a bad economy, why I would leave behind church family, a biological family, and a state that is majestically beautiful, culturally unique, and is my home.

My understanding questions and tries to reason around how I could move life back to where I want it to be…

BUT GOD – is SO gracious and good and does not fail because at these same times He has given me proddings from His Holy Spirit through His Word, through the words and conversations of people, through women’s Bible study, and through Elisabeth Elliot’s book, Keep a Quiet Heart.

I want a quiet heart. A quiet heart is one that is only focused on one will – the Father’s. What has the Father commanded me to do? Love Him above all. How do I show my love for Him? By obeying His commandments.

I recently went on a date with the Lord. It was very good. I got some sushi and Chipotle (since He’s my Provider – He paid for the date,) and then sat at a table in the mall with my Bible, journal, and ever-present Nalgene.
As I sat down and started writing and reading I realized I had come with a rebellious heart and my own agenda. Slowly, the Lord started convicting my soul and changing my thoughts and plans.

Several Proverbs and Psalm 18 are what really stopped me in my tracks – will I wait on Him to bring about His plan, or will I act out and construct my own plan? (Did David kill Saul when he had the chance? No. He entrusted himself to God and saw the respect he had to give and show to Saul as God’s anointed. Part of the JOY of that waiting is being able to see God work mightily. I want to see Him bring all things about – without me manipulating the situation.)

Last year, in order to “test” the Lord and see if He could overcome my hard heart, I prayed that by the end of the year I would love Him with my whole being and more than all others. He did change my heart greatly. By the end of the year I loved Him so much more and so much more confidently than I have ever loved Him before. Though I MUST still grow in this, He has (and was able) to GREATLY change my heart.

This year I am praying that He would make all my dreams/desires His. I dream A LOT. Most of my dreams have been smashed. (Truly.) Most of them God has had to rip out of my hands because I cling to them too tightly. If I am going to love Him fully – these must be His. That works in line with this Ohio process. Not my will, but His. If HE wills I will do this or that. This prayer has scared me because I don’t know how to live without dreaming. What’s the point to living if you can’t dream ambitiously and make goals to achieve those dreams? If I do make plans and goals, how can I be sure that they are God’s and/or that God won’t rip those away too?

It’s all a matter of how tightly I will choose to cling to them. I must hold this life loosely. I must hold my plans and ideas loosely. That is to say, not without vigor and ambition, but with a dedication to God and His plan. A reverent acknowledging that this is NOT my life, this life belongs to God as a holy sacrifice to Him.

May He take me where He wants me and may I follow easily and quickly.
Is this possible?!
--Through the Faithful One’s working alone.
Hallelujah and Amen!

Life in Ohio -- Part 2 of 3

Occupationally:
This brings some of my frustration.

Praise the Lord for Starbucks. I am very thankful. The Lord definitely gave me this job. He has provided so many wonderful conversations with people there. I am thankful. Starbucks has its moments of being my ministry.
As I develop friendships with people and get to know them I do hope that they see Jesus in me. What’s frustrating is that most people out here are categorized as “religious.” BLEH!!! (Poo! POO! I spit on that statement.) When words are spoken they are words they have heard from hypocrites. I pray that my actions are not hypocritical. I also pray that I speak consistently, lovingly, with wisdom and discretion, and with boldness. (Sometimes I just beat around the bush and/or I don’t take the opportunity.)

Monetarily speaking, Starbucks is getting me enough funds to pay some bills. (Yes, I do have bills.)

I am also (currently) employed through Visiting Angels and I have been babysitting every once in awhile. I also just applied to work at Half Day Café, but I think I shall turn it down. My plan was to work there in the mornings and Starbucks at nights (since subbing is not coming around,) but I thought and prayed about my availability for ministry, building relationships, studying, volunteering, and sleeping – and though I WANT money [another NEW sin that has been exposed – I love money and would like more—(strange, I never knew this about myself),] it may be best to trust the Lord, work Starbucks, get some extra shifts at other Sbucks around the town, and see what the Lord will do. I don’t want to be lazy, but I don’t want to fill myself with work either. I don’t need the extra money – that would have been for extra comfort and possible trips, but they are not needs. (I would REALLY like to see New York City, WA D.C., Philadelphia, etc.) And yet, I want to be able to invest in people – and sleep!!

So, now I am trying to focus my brain. (Very difficult.) Because I don’t know how and/or if ever I will teach again.
Do I want to teach again? – I am not sure. I am thinking about getting my Master’s in social work and helping orphans/widows/poor in the States. I know that I like the personal connection and I have always wanted to help those people. Jobs are also available and growing their availability. Could I handle this line of work? Would I get too emotionally attached? Probably.

If I DO want to teach again (there is that missing of children and that itch to teach within me,) I have been looking around and preparing to:
A) Take the Ohio state required test. – But this will be a lengthy process and I may have started too late. Their rules seem to be crazy and confusing. We’ll see what occurs.
B) Apply to the neighboring school districts (in process).
C) Apply to some Christian schools around (they are in ABUNDANCE and I do have small connections).
D) Apply to teach overseas.
---This, my dad has approved on condition and this is also one that I am trying not to cling to with too much ferocity. The Lord has shown me that really, I just want to travel. He has shown me the HUGE stewardship of souls we have in the US. I can be a missionary here. But, if I have the opportunity to go into another culture again – OH!!!!! Wonderful.
But, I have been told that I am a little late in getting this ball rolling. Many places have already signed contracts, etc. I may be too late for these schools as well. (And there are SO MANY to apply to and look into and question!!! I don’t know where to begin.)
E) Apply at the YMCA as a summer day camp counselor and then see if I can get hired on for the year. (I have sent in my resume. They’ll get back to me in a few weeks. We shall see what the Lord will do.)

If I don’t get a teaching job for this 2011-2012 school year I have a back-up plan to either find a job as a teacher at a child care facility or get a nanny job. We’ll see. I am kind of missing those children and the 9-5 Monday through Friday schedule. (Though teaching extends far beyond those bounds in terms of duties related to the occupation.) But who knows what the Lord has planned for me. (Do I know His will? No. Not in the teensiest bits of the least.)

Life in Ohio -- Part 3 of 3

Ecclesiastically:
This part has been the MOST frustrating of ALL – on various accounts.
#1) The Church disappoints.
My soul has been filled (at times) with sorrow and frustration about what I see (on Facebook) and hear (from family/friends) about what has/is going on in Washington. I hate the possible consequences to the Lord’s testimony and as His Body.
On the other hand: PRAISE THE LORD for members of His Body who are still in Washington and have given reports of strengthening and growth. God IS in control even over this situation. I PRAISE Him that He knows and He will not allow His name to be defamed. He will be glorified. He will not abandon His people. (I have also heard accounts of growth in the Lord and people stepping up in positions of leadership.)

In Ohio I have been disappointed by the “church” for the very reason I had to put quotations around that word. HYPOCRITES!!!!!! So much religiousity without much salvation. (This mainly refers to the people I see in the community who TALK about church…not necessarily representing what I see at the church I am attending.)

I have also been disappointed because people want to (and think) they have so much understanding of the Scriptures, and yet elementary topics are being discussed and simple questions are being asked. I am also disappointed with how much “knowledge” they do have, but how little holiness is spoken of and/or how rarely specific sin is addressed.

#2) The Lord provides.
While I may have those in terms of disappointment this church we are attending is SUCH an example in giving and trusting the Lord and caring for their people. AMAZING!!
I am currently going to the “informational Sunday school class” and the government of their church is structured with wisdom. The use of elders and deacons to be available to the people and to be used to serve the people, amazing. The pastor knows the names of almost every person and he remembers details about their lives. HOW?!?!!! (He remembered my name soon after meeting me and even remembered to let me know about a school that was looking for teachers. Wow.)

The “home groups” (FLOCK groups) have been a blessing and I am thankful for them. I hope to speak up more – but I spoke up last week…and…I may have said too much.

Katherine and I will be going to dinners once a month to get to know a group of people from church. Nice. Katherine’s a little nervous, but I figure…let’s keep on jumping in. It’s all a process.

I am trying to decide if I will do youth or not. I do miss those guys!!!! But, these guys are not the guys I miss. The “guys” (speaking generally) I miss are irreplaceable…and they don’t live in Ohio. And yet, I know I enjoy their (youth) energy and “youngness” – opportunity to be trained.
I do know, however; that this is a much different “organization” (if you will). Can I handle it? Will I try to change it?
I will seek to hold myself back. (Pride comes before the fall.)

A new friend and I may be starting a Bible study together in which we will study the Church and what our role in it is suppose to be. We shall see how this goes. I think we are going to have our first meeting this Thursday.

I am attending a women’s “Precepts” (Kay Arthur) Bible study on Wednesday mornings. I almost say “bleh”. I should say that I have been a failure at the homework. (Not unusual. I have never been a good Bible study homework doer. Don’t know why.) I had never listened to her radio show before because I couldn’t stand her voice and I thought she was too girly.
Now, I am still thinking her lessons lean toward the girly side and I don’t know that I agree with the fact that men come to her conferences to sit under her teaching. WHY?!
She does exposit the Scriptures, but I am concerned that she seems to be “backwards” in her priorities. Instead of studying the context for the purpose of learning more about the Lord, etc she seems to look at the context and get that over with so she can then find and discuss a personal application point. (Bleh.) We just finished chapters 16-20 in 2nd Samuel and she was saying that we could apply the idea of how to choose friends from those chapters.
What? Okay, maybe some guiding principles, but that’s not the point and why even look for that point of application?
Rather, we should ask, what does the Bible reveal about the Lord? What do we see about David’s relationship with the Lord?
How, then, does my life reflect and interact with those realities?

Overall, sometimes I just don’t want to talk to any of those people at church. No. I don’t want to participate in the fake small-talk discussions and I don’t want to smile anymore. Sometimes I just want to fly back to Washington and be with my former family.

And then…I remind myself of what it was like the first year I attended Grace Bible Church.
After that I remind myself of what it was like my first 9 months (at least) on staff in One28 – awkward and horrible, just like this.

Sometimes I would leave evening service, delighted and feeling loved, feeling a sense of belonging. The next week would come and I would feel alone and would hope that I could take a plane back to California to be with my former family. (haha)
In One28, for the longest time I didn’t know who to talk to during our dinner staff meetings, didn’t know where to sit, and didn’t want to smile anymore. So many times I would have preferred to sit in a corner by myself so I wouldn’t have been made to speak to the other people in the room.

BUT THEN! –You get to know people and you serve with people…and suddenly…you realize they love you and you love them…and then you don’t want to leave them anymore. Even if it IS still awkward (church meetings are great for that sort of thing,) you know that it’ll pass – and you see other people who feel just as awkward as you and then you go talk to them.

Moving from a family I love has made me hope and delight all the more in the idea of heaven. His WHOLE Body – our WHOLE Family – dwelling together FOR EVER in peace, unity, and everlasting love so that we can bear His complete image and glorify Him before the heavenly host.

Oh! It brings tears to my eyes!

Imagine! That glorious day when we will all come before Him to praise and worship WITH one another from all over the world! All different nations, tongues, peoples bowing before Him, praising His name, worshiping Him, calling Him worthy because He is worthy.

But, for now, we are here. Separated by land, sea, and time zones – so that we can manifest His glory and make His wisdom known on this earth and in the heavenly realms. (May we be faithful!)

Twenty Somethings are MIA

Where have all the twenty-somethings gone?
**I am now defining "twenty-somethings" as 19-32ish -- mainly dependent on high school graduation, sometimes marital status, and relative maturity. Do they act like they're in their twenties?**

In September I went back to California for a friend’s wedding. Some friends and I discussed church, church participation, etc. Many of the people I visited with have been in Santa Clarita through college, are now getting jobs in Santa Clarita, and plan to live there for awhile. Some of them are involved in church. Some are trying to get involved in their church. Some are still trying to find a church where they feel a sense of “belonging.”
Why aren’t more committed and participating after living there for multiple years?

In Washington I spoke with another friend about church attendance. She and her husband want to commit to a church, but they can’t find one that meets their needs/preferences. They are also finding it difficult to balance life and church and ministry.
What examples have they seen of this? Who is reaching out to them in the church they are attending? Are they throwing themselves out there so they can be “reached out” to?

Here in Ohio, I recently went to a new friend’s friend’s house. We had a game night. The age-range was from 23 to 25. There were two married couples present and three single girls.
Out of seven people only two are committed to attending a particular church.
Why?
Between games we ended up discussing their list of “desired things in a church.” It came down to these:
--Good theology
--Worship songs they know/can sing
--Fellowship (after a space of time)
--Possibility of marriage counseling from older couples (discipleship/accountability)
--People their age

These don’t seem like difficult traits to find. So, why haven’t they settled and committed to a church yet?

A few days ago, I had another “church discussion” with another friend of mine who is living in another state. She has now found a church she attends with regularity, but this has only been within the last year.
Why not sooner?

Is the problem with the churches or us? (Or both?)

Where have the twenty-somethings gone?

At my Ohio church there are a few twenty-somethings. A few just entered the land of the twenties, most are 27-32. Some are serving in church, though many are just attending one service and Bible studies. (Presently, I am in that camp, but I am not yet a member and I have not yet been there for 6 months -- time required for them to observe me before jumping in).

Why aren’t more twenty-somethings coming?
Why isn’t there more participation and commitment to ministry?

I think it comes back to the list of “desired church traits.”

What’s missing in the list?:

An expectation and goal to participate in ministry (as a priority).

It seems that my age group (and even the older ones,) are more concerned about a church meeting their needs rather than committing to a local body that teaches the truth of the Scriptures and then jumping in with the purpose of serving others.

Are most twenty-somethings merely spiritual leeches?

What is the twenty-something’s understanding of the Church and what it requires of them?

Where are their life priorities in regards to committing to the church and participating in ministry?

Have they set false expectations? Are they only thinking selfishly?

What is happening inside the church?

Are the people who are already there bringing in the younger people? [Not through crazy modes of entertainment, but through relationships, examples, and accountability (aka discipleship).]

I propose a summary of why “young adults” are MIA:
a) They don’t understand the purpose of the Church and/or their role in the Church and/or their need to love the Church.
b) Lack of holy living and discipling by those “wiser” and older in the church. (But, even/especially they don't know why they are attending church.)
c) The pursuit of jobs and outside activities is a greater priority than church involvement BECAUSE of the time of life (starting careers, marriages, moving, living independently, etc.) [and has occurred because of reasons a and b.]

So what can we do?
--Be faithful to God's Word and living it out. Initiate things.

What will be the consequence to the church when [my] generation abandons fellowship in the Body?
(The affects will fall upon their children, their children, their children -- our nation. Is the time of the Lord's judgment coming?)


Pursue people! Pursue Jesus! May we increase in zeal.
(We still have a harvest of souls to till -- He has given us Life and we're still pigrimaging on the earth.)

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us that He might redeem us from every lawless deed, and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works." Titus 2:11-14

Gentleman's Hands

The gentleman sits in his chair. He has no choice. He can go nowhere else. His joints have deteriorated to the point that even though many have been replaced, his existence is the chair.

When he was young – in his thirties and forties – he built with his hands. He was a carpenter, a farmer, and a handyman. He loved forming things out of nothing, sawing, shaping, planning, constructing. He could jump up and go, anytime and anywhere.

Now, he is confined to his chair.

Young men don’t often question whether or not they’ll be able to work for the rest of their lives. They expect their invincibility to continue. “Live fast and die young,” he and his friends would joke.

That isn't the way his life turned out.

His hands, which had once been able to bend and move, now flop together, unable to close even enough to return a handshake.
Hands, which had once been strong and powerful, are now weak and shriveled. Five years ago he could pick up a shovel and dig; today he can't even pick up a hanky to wipe his own nose.

He had not planned life to go this way, but now it is here.

He fights against frustration and lunacy, but some days it suffocates him.

He would never have imagined this for himself.

What about you?
Is your body crippled yet?

Is your body confined in the world of a chair yet?

Is your body disobedient because it cannot handle the commands of daily use yet?

For some, these pains are already life's reality.
For some, these pains will come before “old age”.
For some, “old age” will never be as debilitating.

How will you steward God’s gift to you?

How are you preparing your heart to receive these things now?

We all fade as a leaf.
We last no longer than a vapor.
And through it all: God is sovereign.
He has His plan for our good and His glory.

May we trust Him through this Journey and invest for profit the currency [life] He has entrusted to our care.

“So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12

Good Morning, 2011!

Good morning 2011!

I can’t believe you have arrived. I thought 2010 was going to be more interesting, but it came and went without as many delights as I had planned. Now, 2011, I would like to know what surprises and delights YOU have in store. Maybe you have no delights. Maybe you will be the hardest year of my life. Who knows? The Lord knows! But can’t you give me a few clues?? A few sneak previews?

Fine, fine, if you signed a contract that prohibits giving sneak peeks, fine.

To tell you the truth, 2011, I really did want to accomplish MORE in 2010. I thought that was a cool number. I wanted to get an official document so the [cool] year’s number could be on there, but I think all I have are receipts, car insurance documents, and paychecks. I was hoping for something more substantial. It would have been nice to get some sort of degree or credential with 2010 on it. Oh well. Guess my opportunity has passed.

Sorry, am I annoying you? Am I talking too much about last year? Okay. What shall WE plan to do? In your year I will be a quarter of a century. That’s pretty strange. It is even stranger to me because I feel as if I haven’t aged for a few years. I mean, I think (I hope) I have gained some maturity, but I don’t feel old(er). (Maybe I am going at such a speed, as compared to those around me, that I am aging at a slower pace! Maybe I am experiencing the theory of relativity!!) Back to the point, turning a quarter of a century is a big deal. What are we going to do about that?

Hey! You better not be laughing at me, 2011! I don’t care if that’s merely a speck of dust in comparison to the number of years the world has been around. This year has to be a year of BIG EVENTS! GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS! ACHIEVING GOALS! (I guess I want to become a new person.)
Generally speaking though, 2011, I don’t like setting New Year’s resolutions. I hope you’re not offended. It’s not that you’re not fun to plan for and to use as motivation, but I never accomplish them and then I just feel like a big, fat failure for not attaining my goal(s).

What?! You think I should try again? You think we could be successful partners? I don’t know. What do you have that the other years didn’t?

Class? You have class?? That’s your recommendation for yourself? Good thing you didn’t have any competition for this “New Year” position. Good thing you were just BORN into the job. (Some guys have it SO easy.)

No, I am not being rude. I just need to have a better reason to make resolutions with you.
No, it’s not that I don’t trust you, per se. It’s more that I don’t trust myself. Yeah, 2011 WOULD be a good year to change all that AND mark it with me adding the 25th year to my life (IF I make it to April…this could be my last year, you know.)

Say! That would have been cool to die in 2010. But if I died in 2011 I would die with a “rounded” age, if you allow for stopping on the fives to be rounding.

Sorry, too morbid? Sorry. (You can’t deny that it’s a possibility though. It could happen.)

All right, so 2011, you have persuaded me. I guess I will make some resolutions. But I only have big, general ideas. I don’t have detailed particulars. For instance: last year I prayed that the Lord would make me love Him with my whole being. WOW! He grew me in that!! I love Him more NOW (much more) than I did at the beginning of last year. Last year I also asked Him that my heart would sorrow for souls. My heart has been sorrowing, 2011, more and more (it would seem) with each passing day.

What shall I ask of Him THIS year? – That I would see my sin more clearly, hate it more fervently, and repent (put on righteousness) with greater speed. I want to be holier this year. (No, 2011, not holier than thou.) I just want to pursue holiness BECAUSE I love Him.
I want to walk in the good works that He has set before me.
I want to entrust my dreams to Him and wait for Him to give me whatever dreams He wants me to have. (I really hope He will give me some of the dreams that I have dreamed rather than making me dream new ones, but I will choose to take content what He will send.)
I want to reflect Him more and myself less. (That will take some definite refining.)
I do want my love for Him to grow. I want to love Him more with more of me.
I also would like to accomplish tasks. Things I have been talking about for years, I want to do. But, I don’t really know what that means. I think it will mean (yes…typical, typical…) exercising (we’ll start with an acceptably easy goal,) 3 days a week. (I really mean 5, but I don’t know I can keep that for the WHOLE year.)
I think I should also get my passport. Why not, right? There’s nothing wrong in being ready. (When the Lord says, “GO!” I can just grab up my passport with my backpack and VAMOOS!)

OH! 2011, does this mean we will have ADVENTURES together?! Oh PLEASE?! THAT would be delightful and that would make you a better year than 2010 could ever be, (even if 10 IS half of 20).

HEY! Maybe I’ll also learn Spanish, take art lessons, cake-decorating lessons, travel the East Coast, start volunteering in the community, get more involved at church, make new friends, take dance lessons, learn pottery…
What? That’s too much? You say I should just see what happens?? I thought we were going to make RESOLUTIONS! …Oh yeah, stick with smaller plans so you can accomplish them. Good advice, 2011! Look, you’re ALREADY being more helpful than 2010. Thanks.

Well, thanks for chatting, 2011. I guess we’ll be seeing each other…every day for the next 365 days, (yes, I am counting today as a day).

Remind us of the God Who Reigns on High.
May the Lord humble us. May the Lord teach us to number our days.
May we be quick to serve Him, follow Him, worship Him, live for Him, love Him, and manifest His fullness to all.

Yours Respectfully,
Alicia A. Martin