Ecclesiastically:
This part has been the MOST frustrating of ALL – on various accounts.
#1) The Church disappoints.
My soul has been filled (at times) with sorrow and frustration about what I see (on Facebook) and hear (from family/friends) about what has/is going on in Washington. I hate the possible consequences to the Lord’s testimony and as His Body.
On the other hand: PRAISE THE LORD for members of His Body who are still in Washington and have given reports of strengthening and growth. God IS in control even over this situation. I PRAISE Him that He knows and He will not allow His name to be defamed. He will be glorified. He will not abandon His people. (I have also heard accounts of growth in the Lord and people stepping up in positions of leadership.)
In Ohio I have been disappointed by the “church” for the very reason I had to put quotations around that word. HYPOCRITES!!!!!! So much religiousity without much salvation. (This mainly refers to the people I see in the community who TALK about church…not necessarily representing what I see at the church I am attending.)
I have also been disappointed because people want to (and think) they have so much understanding of the Scriptures, and yet elementary topics are being discussed and simple questions are being asked. I am also disappointed with how much “knowledge” they do have, but how little holiness is spoken of and/or how rarely specific sin is addressed.
#2) The Lord provides.
While I may have those in terms of disappointment this church we are attending is SUCH an example in giving and trusting the Lord and caring for their people. AMAZING!!
I am currently going to the “informational Sunday school class” and the government of their church is structured with wisdom. The use of elders and deacons to be available to the people and to be used to serve the people, amazing. The pastor knows the names of almost every person and he remembers details about their lives. HOW?!?!!! (He remembered my name soon after meeting me and even remembered to let me know about a school that was looking for teachers. Wow.)
The “home groups” (FLOCK groups) have been a blessing and I am thankful for them. I hope to speak up more – but I spoke up last week…and…I may have said too much.
Katherine and I will be going to dinners once a month to get to know a group of people from church. Nice. Katherine’s a little nervous, but I figure…let’s keep on jumping in. It’s all a process.
I am trying to decide if I will do youth or not. I do miss those guys!!!! But, these guys are not the guys I miss. The “guys” (speaking generally) I miss are irreplaceable…and they don’t live in Ohio. And yet, I know I enjoy their (youth) energy and “youngness” – opportunity to be trained.
I do know, however; that this is a much different “organization” (if you will). Can I handle it? Will I try to change it?
I will seek to hold myself back. (Pride comes before the fall.)
A new friend and I may be starting a Bible study together in which we will study the Church and what our role in it is suppose to be. We shall see how this goes. I think we are going to have our first meeting this Thursday.
I am attending a women’s “Precepts” (Kay Arthur) Bible study on Wednesday mornings. I almost say “bleh”. I should say that I have been a failure at the homework. (Not unusual. I have never been a good Bible study homework doer. Don’t know why.) I had never listened to her radio show before because I couldn’t stand her voice and I thought she was too girly.
Now, I am still thinking her lessons lean toward the girly side and I don’t know that I agree with the fact that men come to her conferences to sit under her teaching. WHY?!
She does exposit the Scriptures, but I am concerned that she seems to be “backwards” in her priorities. Instead of studying the context for the purpose of learning more about the Lord, etc she seems to look at the context and get that over with so she can then find and discuss a personal application point. (Bleh.) We just finished chapters 16-20 in 2nd Samuel and she was saying that we could apply the idea of how to choose friends from those chapters.
What? Okay, maybe some guiding principles, but that’s not the point and why even look for that point of application?
Rather, we should ask, what does the Bible reveal about the Lord? What do we see about David’s relationship with the Lord?
How, then, does my life reflect and interact with those realities?
Overall, sometimes I just don’t want to talk to any of those people at church. No. I don’t want to participate in the fake small-talk discussions and I don’t want to smile anymore. Sometimes I just want to fly back to Washington and be with my former family.
And then…I remind myself of what it was like the first year I attended Grace Bible Church.
After that I remind myself of what it was like my first 9 months (at least) on staff in One28 – awkward and horrible, just like this.
Sometimes I would leave evening service, delighted and feeling loved, feeling a sense of belonging. The next week would come and I would feel alone and would hope that I could take a plane back to California to be with my former family. (haha)
In One28, for the longest time I didn’t know who to talk to during our dinner staff meetings, didn’t know where to sit, and didn’t want to smile anymore. So many times I would have preferred to sit in a corner by myself so I wouldn’t have been made to speak to the other people in the room.
BUT THEN! –You get to know people and you serve with people…and suddenly…you realize they love you and you love them…and then you don’t want to leave them anymore. Even if it IS still awkward (church meetings are great for that sort of thing,) you know that it’ll pass – and you see other people who feel just as awkward as you and then you go talk to them.
Moving from a family I love has made me hope and delight all the more in the idea of heaven. His WHOLE Body – our WHOLE Family – dwelling together FOR EVER in peace, unity, and everlasting love so that we can bear His complete image and glorify Him before the heavenly host.
Oh! It brings tears to my eyes!
Imagine! That glorious day when we will all come before Him to praise and worship WITH one another from all over the world! All different nations, tongues, peoples bowing before Him, praising His name, worshiping Him, calling Him worthy because He is worthy.
But, for now, we are here. Separated by land, sea, and time zones – so that we can manifest His glory and make His wisdom known on this earth and in the heavenly realms. (May we be faithful!)
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