I am in Washington. The trees are full and green. The air is fresh and cool. The birds chirp happily in the trees, dogs bark now and again, children can be heard giggling. I do enjoy my homeland. Freely consume the tap water, no need to look for cars, the sun takes longer to disappear from the sky, and there are more appliances available to use in the kitchen.
As I was driving north on the I-5 during my recent migration, I came to some realizations:
#1) I need to set attainable goals for myself this summer.
#2) I need to practice clearly and precisely expressing myself verbally.
As I drove, I was trying to soak in the scenery. On Tuesday, around 7pm, the sun was setting. The sky was a mixture of orange, dark pink, and some left over blue. The dusty hills still formed my border as I passed a cheerful field of sunflowers. They seemed to be stretching out toward the sun, leaning towards its rays, trying to capture the last moments of daylight. Perhaps I am like those sunflowers. I have wanted to soak in my last moments with people, my last moments in a stable "student" environment, my last moments in my own environment, my last moments of driving alone in California, thinking and pondering the coming, yet unknown changes in my life. I doubt all this turmoil is kept in the stem of a sunflower. They are clothed by the Lord, then they are chopped down and are no more. Other seeds are planted and take their place. This is also true of my life. These moments of uncertainty are nothing, in comparison to the (possible) length of my life (which is a vapor) and ultimately, the time of eternity. The Lord knows and He is good and He will supply all my needs. HE IS FAITHFUL even when I lack in every way.
My angst comes because I don't know what I am doing or where I am going. I don't know whether or not I have a job and I don't know what jobs I will apply for if I don't teach. James comes to mind, "if it is the Lord's will we will do this or that."
I had an interview this morning. I rambled! Curse my ability to easily feel comfortable with people and so tell stories. I reminded my self before entering the interview that I needed to control my glee. I knew I would feel more comfortable because I know these people, but I forgot to listen to my very good advice. (Kind of like Alice in Wonderland.)
I am pressured to ask, do I want to teach? That is always the question running through my head. In this last week, the Lord has provided me with such a hope and joy at the thought of teaching, but what if I don't get the job after this interview? What will I do? How am I going to fit in at home?
Is this what a blog is supposed to be? I am rather melancholy. There will be funny stories, no matter what becomes of me. "Me becoming" will actually BE the funny story. Soon, this blog and my desire to write it will be included in that humor.
I need to expand my mind and read. What are some good suggestions? I also want to be very informed about my local politics, as well as on the national scene. Why do I want to vote for McCain? (Do I ACTUALLY want to vote for McCain? ...Ehhh...)
I have jury duty soon! I am a patriotic American.
