It's really fun to go through those I have noted and (at last) SHARE them! Hopefully a few of these are able to tickle some of your funny bones.
Two BEST Lessons
These were the two funnest lessons I have taught so far and I think it's all because of the imagination we were able to use and manipulate. I LOVE the imagination these students have. AMAZING!!!
During math:
Honey-berry-oogalees eating the DELICIOUS honey berries!!!!
It was kind of an idea I made on the spot -- through inspiration from the textbook. I didn't know they would throw themselves so entirely into the idea. The students turn into honey-berry-oogalees (imaginary creatures) and they want to eat the honey berries (wooden hexagon blocks) SO much!!!
But, someone has been sneaking into the basement and TAKING the honey-berries, what will they do?!
They must solve the math problem: how many honey berries did the other oogalee take based on the number of berries left?
When the “honey-berry-oogalees” are sleeping, I get to choose one to go sneak the berriers while I tell them what they are dreaming that "night." (It's usually about the DELICIOUS honey-berries.) Please keep in mind that (OF COURSE) all this MUST be done with a certain “British/crackly/bear” accent.
(OH!! Delight! Delight!! I get to act, they get to talk loudly, and then they learn some stuff too.)It was such a thrill!
The second funnest lesson -- The Magic Tissue Box
Once again, I didn't think I could engage them so intensly, but once I saw the opportunity I RAN with it. It all began when I was just trying to show them (and I think the concept was actually lost because of the thrill of the magic tissue box,) that a number subtract the same number always equals zero. I had them write their number on a piece of index card, I wrote that same number on the other index card, and had another index card with "zero" (written in marker) already inside the tissue box. I pretended to toss the two index cards in the box while I "mixed" the cards up inside the box. When I pulled out the marker-zero card with no other cards remaining (I stuffed them into my pocket -- illusion) they were agog! Students were springing from their seats. They were amazed. They wanted to inspect the box. They couldn't prove my trickiness, however.
But then, (I hadn't thought the next part through,) I needed to show them that a number subtract zero was still the same NUMBER!!! I said my magic tissue box could do that too, but of course it could NOT. (I still had the marker zero inside the box). Somehow, though...I squashed all the necessary cards into my pocket and pulled out the number card. They were astounded and I was hyped up. I don't think I will ever pull that one out again.
Boy, boy, BOY! Two boys were pretending to play Star Wars attacking games while they waited in car-line. One was pretending to hold "the force" over the other (no contact between the boys) and the one being "choked" by "the force" actually looked like he was being choked. He actually sounded like he was being choked. His face was turning red and purple, his eyes were rolling in the back of his head, and his hands were held out as if he were trying to defend himself. All this without ANY contact from the other boy!! I have never seen such amazing skills. Boy.
As I walked one student to the office to wait for his mom after school one day he started to speak to me,
"Mrs - Miss - Mrs - Miss Martin?"
Teacher: "Yes?"
Student: "I would much rather call you Mrs. Martin."
Teacher: "Why?"
Student: "Because you should be married."
Teacher: "Why?"
Student: (short pause) "Because you are old!"
Teacher: "OLD?! How old to you think I am?!!"
Student: "Ahh...sixty-six."
Teacher: "You think I am sixty-six?!"
Student: "Yeah, you're older than my mom."
They will often give me bits of their snack and place them as offerings on the overhead. I have tried to stop such practices, but they are persistent. Once, when there was a rather large amount of snack-offerings sitting on the overhead, I asked, "What are you doing?" One of the students replied, “we are trying to make you fat, Miss Martin.” Oh, thank you.
After a recess discussion between students:
“Is fire-flashman real?"
"Is that him flying through the sky?”
"No, he is not real. He is not flying through the sky. That is an airplane. Walk to class." (My business response.)
“Guess what I have for snack Miss Martin?" (She pulls out a baggie of a cut-up chocolate chip mint power bar.) "Look at these BAD BOYS!! Yum, yum!”
“Mew, mews – here they are!” (She likes talking to the picture of kitties on her homework folder when she gets it out to turn it in.) "Good bye mew mews!"
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Funny Stories: Volume Two
This is the story of when we won the chapel banner for the first time. Let me first tell you that we had NOT won the chapel banner for months. This was necessary and right because we had not been able to sit still in the pews during the length of chapel. We were given the chapel banner this particular Wednesday because it had been too long and all the other classes had received it once...some had already receieved the award twice. As Mr. Lugg held up the banner, spoke the words of, "and this week we have awarded the chapel banner to...1A!"
SHOUTS of acclamation, bodies JUMPING out of their seats. My brain trying to think through a strategic plan of opperation: get students to the classroom.
They walked ahead of me outside the church and were waiting on the sidewalk.
As I approached them I heard the sound of words being chanted amongst them, “We won the chapel banner! We won the chapel banner! We won! We won! We won the chapel banner!!”
A riot! A riot! They will be swept away in the hype and energy of this chapel winning. Silence the crowd. Administration cannot witness a first grade riot! Quickly, I marched them across the street, past the other classes, down the stairs, and into the privacy of our classroom where they continued their crazy celebrations.
Do not fear, I did discipline them and tell them of their need to have self-control and not boast in their victories...but it was humorous to witness.
My drawings have "GREATLY" improved since the beginning of the year. This class is a group of artists. I have a few very good drawers. This means, I have high expectations to meet when doing illustrations and this also means that illustrations can be very useful during lessons. They capture the attention quickly and easily.
When I made them into soldiers for the Lord, I made armor for them to earn for their soldiers to wear. As I showcased my hand-designed armor (innerly sweating from the pressure of professional Star Wars/military-playing BOYS looking at my attempts to draw ARMOR and the need to IMPRESS them because this was supposed to be motivation for maintaining self-control), they began to ooh and awe at my ability to draw and design armor. I was delighted!! I may have found a new career!!
Hairy man Esau was another DELIGHT of mine to draw. They were SO confused about who Jacob, Esau, Issac, Rebekah, etc were. They had NO idea which ones were girls and which ones were boys. I decided to draw a picture on the whiteboard. I told them I was only going to draw stick people. (They expect nothing more from me. The real drawings are made by them. They understand this reality.) It was so much fun to hear their reactions as I used a red marker to draw Esau and then proceeded to cover his entire body with fuzzy hair. HAHAHA! I then, to my horror and delight, drew the game he had killed before coming in and selling his birthright. It was great. The deer was also a stick-like figure, hanging upside down. Before a boy even shouted out, "where's the blood?!" I began to draw the blood pouring from the animal's wound. HAHAHA! Proof that these boys are training me proper. From that lesson on, whenever we spoke of Esau, they need to see the man with the fuzzy red hair.
The FIRST time I drew something for them, it was a treehouse to show them how to write their letters properly. It was not meant to be an exact drawing. It had a roof, a couple lined walls, a trunk, and some branches to hold it up. As I went on to teach the handwriting lesson, a boy stopped me and said, "Wait Miss Martin! It's going to fall down. The branches won't hold it up. You need to make more branches." That was soon met with, "yeah, yeah, you need more branches." As I began to appease their needs for structurally accurate drawings, I was then told, "NO! That's not a BRANCH! That looks like a giraffe!!"
Can't please 'em. The treehouse is either not sufficiently supported, or it looks like a giraffe. Hmph.
Humorous Quotations:
“Miss Martin, I was just not MADE for singing. I was not made for this.”
“The Loud says to sing praises to His name. These are songs to praise Him. You will sing.”
Student: “I will be an inventor and I will invent a machine that tells the past and the future!
Teacher: “Oh?! But man does not know the future. That is for the Lord alone.”
Student: (smiling twinkle in his eye,) "Oh, yes."
This circumstance came upon us under GREAT distress.
Student: “NO!!! NO!!! Recess is not over. We must STOP TIME!! We must stop TIME!!!!” (arms flying, high, wailing voice.)
Teacher: (calmly, always calmly,) “You cannot stop time. The sun passes time, and you cannot control the sun.”
Student: “Well, then we will need to unite all mankind to build something that will reach the sun and stop it. We must STOP TIME!!!”
Teacher: (firmly, often it must be firmly -- especially with visions of Babel dancing in my mind,) "No, mankind is not powerful enough to stop the sun. God is the One who controls the sun. We cannot do what God can do."
Tears continued, but slowed as he re-entered the line heading to class from last recess.
SHOUTS of acclamation, bodies JUMPING out of their seats. My brain trying to think through a strategic plan of opperation: get students to the classroom.
They walked ahead of me outside the church and were waiting on the sidewalk.
As I approached them I heard the sound of words being chanted amongst them, “We won the chapel banner! We won the chapel banner! We won! We won! We won the chapel banner!!”
A riot! A riot! They will be swept away in the hype and energy of this chapel winning. Silence the crowd. Administration cannot witness a first grade riot! Quickly, I marched them across the street, past the other classes, down the stairs, and into the privacy of our classroom where they continued their crazy celebrations.
Do not fear, I did discipline them and tell them of their need to have self-control and not boast in their victories...but it was humorous to witness.
My drawings have "GREATLY" improved since the beginning of the year. This class is a group of artists. I have a few very good drawers. This means, I have high expectations to meet when doing illustrations and this also means that illustrations can be very useful during lessons. They capture the attention quickly and easily.
When I made them into soldiers for the Lord, I made armor for them to earn for their soldiers to wear. As I showcased my hand-designed armor (innerly sweating from the pressure of professional Star Wars/military-playing BOYS looking at my attempts to draw ARMOR and the need to IMPRESS them because this was supposed to be motivation for maintaining self-control), they began to ooh and awe at my ability to draw and design armor. I was delighted!! I may have found a new career!!
Hairy man Esau was another DELIGHT of mine to draw. They were SO confused about who Jacob, Esau, Issac, Rebekah, etc were. They had NO idea which ones were girls and which ones were boys. I decided to draw a picture on the whiteboard. I told them I was only going to draw stick people. (They expect nothing more from me. The real drawings are made by them. They understand this reality.) It was so much fun to hear their reactions as I used a red marker to draw Esau and then proceeded to cover his entire body with fuzzy hair. HAHAHA! I then, to my horror and delight, drew the game he had killed before coming in and selling his birthright. It was great. The deer was also a stick-like figure, hanging upside down. Before a boy even shouted out, "where's the blood?!" I began to draw the blood pouring from the animal's wound. HAHAHA! Proof that these boys are training me proper. From that lesson on, whenever we spoke of Esau, they need to see the man with the fuzzy red hair.
The FIRST time I drew something for them, it was a treehouse to show them how to write their letters properly. It was not meant to be an exact drawing. It had a roof, a couple lined walls, a trunk, and some branches to hold it up. As I went on to teach the handwriting lesson, a boy stopped me and said, "Wait Miss Martin! It's going to fall down. The branches won't hold it up. You need to make more branches." That was soon met with, "yeah, yeah, you need more branches." As I began to appease their needs for structurally accurate drawings, I was then told, "NO! That's not a BRANCH! That looks like a giraffe!!"
Can't please 'em. The treehouse is either not sufficiently supported, or it looks like a giraffe. Hmph.
Humorous Quotations:
“Miss Martin, I was just not MADE for singing. I was not made for this.”
“The Loud says to sing praises to His name. These are songs to praise Him. You will sing.”
Student: “I will be an inventor and I will invent a machine that tells the past and the future!
Teacher: “Oh?! But man does not know the future. That is for the Lord alone.”
Student: (smiling twinkle in his eye,) "Oh, yes."
This circumstance came upon us under GREAT distress.
Student: “NO!!! NO!!! Recess is not over. We must STOP TIME!! We must stop TIME!!!!” (arms flying, high, wailing voice.)
Teacher: (calmly, always calmly,) “You cannot stop time. The sun passes time, and you cannot control the sun.”
Student: “Well, then we will need to unite all mankind to build something that will reach the sun and stop it. We must STOP TIME!!!”
Teacher: (firmly, often it must be firmly -- especially with visions of Babel dancing in my mind,) "No, mankind is not powerful enough to stop the sun. God is the One who controls the sun. We cannot do what God can do."
Tears continued, but slowed as he re-entered the line heading to class from last recess.
Funny First Grade Stories: Volume One
I have had some funny stories this year.
With the great possibility of making no one laugh...I will type them anyways. My fear is that, "then I found twenty dollars" or "you would have to be there" will need to be attached to many of these, but my blog IS entitled, "Miss Martin" and it was supposed to be a place where I wrote of my school dealings, and these kids are HUMOROUS! So, let me tell you...
They are very much into Star Wars. This is a conversation I overheard while two boys SHOULD have been finishing their work during morning recess:
Student One: “We need freedom.”
Student Two: (serious and ready for a conversation)“Yes, we do need freedom.”
Student One: (suddendly, he turns his body with great energy) “The viceroy has invaded earth!”
Student Two: “What?!” (turns around,) “they are NOT real!” (Turns to me,) “He thinks they’re alive. They’re just plain old MOVIES!”
Then after lunch recess with the same two students, I hear more mumblings and rumblings about Star Wars.
Student Two: “Miss Martin, will you tell him that he is NOT a Jedi?! If you were a Jedi, you would NOT be at school because you would be too smart. You would have already been at the academy. You are NOT a Jedi!”
Student One: “I have come from another planet. I am fighting…”
Wise words of the teacher, “You are not a Jedi. That is just pretend.”
Student One: Shock.
Student Two: Smiles.
Our day continues on.
Other quick quotations:
“You look very cute.”
“Thank you, my mom likes to doll me up.”
As we are getting ready for P.E. one student comes up to me to show me his blue, biker-like shirt, “This is my spy shirt,” he says with great excitement.
After a lesson in which I spoke of such things, a student approaches me in earnest, “I am part artist, scientist, and secret agent.”
During a lesson in which I was about to teach a difficult and slightly boring concept, I wanted to energize them and get them excited about learning. I began in this manner:
“I am about to teach you things that Miss Israel is teaching the THIRD graders and things Miss Brown is teaching the SECOND graders. Would you like to learn those things?!!”
I waited for an excited and resounding, "YES!!!" and was shocked when I heard one small voice call out from the crowd,
“No. No, I don’t want to learn what they are learning!”
Suddenly, other small voices started echoing this leader, “No, I don’t want to learn it!”
The protests began to gain momentum.
“We won’t learn it!”
Their cries were unifying. It was a mob of protesting six-year-olds -- wielding slightly sharpened pencils!
Internally, part of me was laughing, while the other half was franticly trying to think of a way to be sure they WOULD be learning it – and not trampling their teacher underfoot.
Calmly, I moved to ding the bell.
This would control the mob.
ding, ding
It did.
“Well guess what?! You must learn it NOW for first grade because we will be learning it THIS year and using it THIS year and so you MUST learn it and you are GOING to learn it!”
(I emphasized the necessity of learning this information with the use of my hand-shaped pointer waggling in front of their faces.)
Almost immediately there was a hushing of the crowd with just a few groaned complaints.
They were ready to learn it.
I had disassembled this mob and would never again use "next year" as motivation for this group to learn. (Least they have not realized what the power of a unified mob could do for them.)
Just you wait, second grade!!
With the great possibility of making no one laugh...I will type them anyways. My fear is that, "then I found twenty dollars" or "you would have to be there" will need to be attached to many of these, but my blog IS entitled, "Miss Martin" and it was supposed to be a place where I wrote of my school dealings, and these kids are HUMOROUS! So, let me tell you...
They are very much into Star Wars. This is a conversation I overheard while two boys SHOULD have been finishing their work during morning recess:
Student One: “We need freedom.”
Student Two: (serious and ready for a conversation)“Yes, we do need freedom.”
Student One: (suddendly, he turns his body with great energy) “The viceroy has invaded earth!”
Student Two: “What?!” (turns around,) “they are NOT real!” (Turns to me,) “He thinks they’re alive. They’re just plain old MOVIES!”
Then after lunch recess with the same two students, I hear more mumblings and rumblings about Star Wars.
Student Two: “Miss Martin, will you tell him that he is NOT a Jedi?! If you were a Jedi, you would NOT be at school because you would be too smart. You would have already been at the academy. You are NOT a Jedi!”
Student One: “I have come from another planet. I am fighting…”
Wise words of the teacher, “You are not a Jedi. That is just pretend.”
Student One: Shock.
Student Two: Smiles.
Our day continues on.
Other quick quotations:
“You look very cute.”
“Thank you, my mom likes to doll me up.”
As we are getting ready for P.E. one student comes up to me to show me his blue, biker-like shirt, “This is my spy shirt,” he says with great excitement.
After a lesson in which I spoke of such things, a student approaches me in earnest, “I am part artist, scientist, and secret agent.”
During a lesson in which I was about to teach a difficult and slightly boring concept, I wanted to energize them and get them excited about learning. I began in this manner:
“I am about to teach you things that Miss Israel is teaching the THIRD graders and things Miss Brown is teaching the SECOND graders. Would you like to learn those things?!!”
I waited for an excited and resounding, "YES!!!" and was shocked when I heard one small voice call out from the crowd,
“No. No, I don’t want to learn what they are learning!”
Suddenly, other small voices started echoing this leader, “No, I don’t want to learn it!”
The protests began to gain momentum.
“We won’t learn it!”
Their cries were unifying. It was a mob of protesting six-year-olds -- wielding slightly sharpened pencils!
Internally, part of me was laughing, while the other half was franticly trying to think of a way to be sure they WOULD be learning it – and not trampling their teacher underfoot.
Calmly, I moved to ding the bell.
This would control the mob.
ding, ding
It did.
“Well guess what?! You must learn it NOW for first grade because we will be learning it THIS year and using it THIS year and so you MUST learn it and you are GOING to learn it!”
(I emphasized the necessity of learning this information with the use of my hand-shaped pointer waggling in front of their faces.)
Almost immediately there was a hushing of the crowd with just a few groaned complaints.
They were ready to learn it.
I had disassembled this mob and would never again use "next year" as motivation for this group to learn. (Least they have not realized what the power of a unified mob could do for them.)
Just you wait, second grade!!
Classroom Questions
What is the acceptable noise level?
Why do I have to follow the standard “norms” established by other teachers?
What things could they build?
What could they squash at their desk?
How can I use their creativity? – We need to do explorations.
OH! Wouldn’t THAT be fun!!! (Idea?!)
What do 6 year old boys NEED to be doing? I have looked to Almanzo Wilder, as pictured in Farmer Boy, as an example of what boys should be doing. But I don’t think his example is possible to imitate.
Here is what I can see and use:
They MUST move. How can I tire ‘em out? How can I teach them how to expend their energy and then come inside ready to concentrate?
I have tried turning them into soldiers for the Lord. I have tried wall-sits, push-ups, sit-ups, jogging around the room, hand-claps, and dance steps. I think the rhythms in the dance steps have been the most successful because that takes concentration AND movement. And the beats change -- double time, quarter beats, etc.
But, in fact, that's the real irony: how can Alicia Martin teach a person to CONCENTRATE??
hahahaha
Wait! I can concentrate. Just like that orange juice concentrate. It reminds me of a nice smoothie at Jamba Juice. I always go with Katherine. There was that one time we laughed so hard we couldn’t go to sleep. Our energy was bouncing off the walls. Bouncy balls are so amazing. I was once tempted to buy a “how-to-make-your-own-bouncy-ball” kit. I thought that was an unwise use of my money. Stewardship is an important thing. God has placed us as stewards on this world. We are stewards of more than just our money. We are stewards of the souls of others. I really like Ezekiel and how he was steadfast as a steward/shepherd. Just imagine how good our Shepherd is. How can we be a shepherd like Jesus was? We need to be others’ and heaven focused. Like I said, I can concentrate. Concentrate?? Concentrate… has a nice ring to it.
Why do I have to follow the standard “norms” established by other teachers?
What things could they build?
What could they squash at their desk?
How can I use their creativity? – We need to do explorations.
OH! Wouldn’t THAT be fun!!! (Idea?!)
What do 6 year old boys NEED to be doing? I have looked to Almanzo Wilder, as pictured in Farmer Boy, as an example of what boys should be doing. But I don’t think his example is possible to imitate.
Here is what I can see and use:
They MUST move. How can I tire ‘em out? How can I teach them how to expend their energy and then come inside ready to concentrate?
I have tried turning them into soldiers for the Lord. I have tried wall-sits, push-ups, sit-ups, jogging around the room, hand-claps, and dance steps. I think the rhythms in the dance steps have been the most successful because that takes concentration AND movement. And the beats change -- double time, quarter beats, etc.
But, in fact, that's the real irony: how can Alicia Martin teach a person to CONCENTRATE??
hahahaha
Wait! I can concentrate. Just like that orange juice concentrate. It reminds me of a nice smoothie at Jamba Juice. I always go with Katherine. There was that one time we laughed so hard we couldn’t go to sleep. Our energy was bouncing off the walls. Bouncy balls are so amazing. I was once tempted to buy a “how-to-make-your-own-bouncy-ball” kit. I thought that was an unwise use of my money. Stewardship is an important thing. God has placed us as stewards on this world. We are stewards of more than just our money. We are stewards of the souls of others. I really like Ezekiel and how he was steadfast as a steward/shepherd. Just imagine how good our Shepherd is. How can we be a shepherd like Jesus was? We need to be others’ and heaven focused. Like I said, I can concentrate. Concentrate?? Concentrate… has a nice ring to it.
Surprised By Boys
I am surprised at their imaginations and creativity. I thought girls were more creative than boys, but I am beginning to think the opposite. “My boys” (as I will call them for short) think of much more interesting things to turn their pencils, erasers, blocks, etc into. (Even in my third and fourth grade Sunday school class they think of really good and inventive systems of doing things.)
I am surprised at how much they like to talk. I thought girls were the ones who needed to talk all the time. I now disagree. Boys have a tongue power of their own.
I am surprised at how VOCAL they are. I had heard that boys make noise when they play, but now I have heard it and have known it. Never will free choice time be the same again.
I am surprised (how COULD I be??) at how wiggly they are. No self-control. No desire to gain self-control. They just want to have fun and move and make noise and destroy what they build. (How do I harness this power for their learning and my good?! Now I need some of their powers of creativity!)
I am surprised at how much they WANT systems in place.
I am surprised at how aware they are of the engineering of structures (humorous story to follow).
I am surprised at how they are able to tire me out by lunch time – (it’s only because I can’t join in their silliness with them. I must be controlled. Controlling craziness – mine as well as theirs – is quite tiring. But I know if I start wiggling and laughing like they do, I will lose all control of the classroom for EVER! No good.)
I am surprised at how much they like to talk. I thought girls were the ones who needed to talk all the time. I now disagree. Boys have a tongue power of their own.
I am surprised at how VOCAL they are. I had heard that boys make noise when they play, but now I have heard it and have known it. Never will free choice time be the same again.
I am surprised (how COULD I be??) at how wiggly they are. No self-control. No desire to gain self-control. They just want to have fun and move and make noise and destroy what they build. (How do I harness this power for their learning and my good?! Now I need some of their powers of creativity!)
I am surprised at how much they WANT systems in place.
I am surprised at how aware they are of the engineering of structures (humorous story to follow).
I am surprised at how they are able to tire me out by lunch time – (it’s only because I can’t join in their silliness with them. I must be controlled. Controlling craziness – mine as well as theirs – is quite tiring. But I know if I start wiggling and laughing like they do, I will lose all control of the classroom for EVER! No good.)
The Failure
Why do I post this? I am not sure, but I do and here it is.
I failed to share the Gospel today. There was a woman at the Barnes and Noble bookstore. She was browsing books in the “Spiritual” section. The thought came across my mind to go over to her and just tell her that the New Age stuff could not save her. Jesus is the only way! But the words were a muddle in my mind and I didn’t think that God could want me to go interrupt her solitary reverie!?
Idiotic response. Let her burn in hell then, I might as well have said.
I have been praying and praying for her. May the Lord reach her soul even though I am a failure! The Lord does not need me, but perhaps He desired to use me? (God is sovereign.) And yet I also failed to fulfill my responsibility to preach.
I have just finished the book I started months ago, “Revolution in World Missions” by K. P. Yohannan. The beginning was better than the end. His overall point in the book is to try to convince you to support native missionaries rather than to go on the mission field yourself (speaking to the Western-rich culture, that is) for good, practical reasons I could expound upon at a later time. Throughout the vast majority of the book I agreed with his theological statements and the ideas expressed therein. He seems to be training them up to search the Scriptures, to know how to exposit the Scriptures, and then to go out and makes disciples and build up churches.
Why am I not doing this? Why could I not go up to that woman and tell her that JESUS CAN SAVE YOU! Four words – that’s all that was needed. I didn’t need to be eloquent. I have looked like a bigger idiot for obnoxious things I have done than if I would have just gone up and said those words. I don’t follow through. My biggest sin issue in life.
DISGUST! I even left the house having just read the first two chapters (and introduction) of “The Gospel and Personal Evangelism” by Mark Dever. I intend to finish that one sooner than I finished K. P.’s book. But what is the point of all this reading if I am not going to APPLY it? Something within me (my flesh!!) is afraid to apply it. WHY?!?! WHY!?!?!?! If only it would burn in my being as did God’s Words within Jeremiah. (Then I would just be a miserable, miserable creature.)
Sure, I tell my students about Jesus. That is safe. At times I communicate little bits to parents. That is my duty. Am I ready to shout it in the grocery store? Am I ready to stop the person at the bookstore? Am I willing to sit at the bus stop and talk to people? Apparently not.
How do I start these conversations?
How can I be so foolish?! Alicia Martin has trouble starting conversations?!! Purposeful conversations, yes. Idiot. Are you ashamed of the Gospel by which you have been saved? Do you believe in the REALITY of the Gospel by which you have been saved? For what have you been saved but to further the kingdom of God?!!
Why would the Lord choose to keep me longer on this earth when I fail? Perhaps to train me. Why bring me Home now when I am not fully refined? I pray that He would refine me. I want to be bold as a lion. I want to be able to stand on the rooftops and preach it to all those who pass by, but I am too concerned about the way I would appear to others. I, in fact, worship the opinion and approval of others toward me.
Repent and follow the Lord more fully.
Stop grieving the Holy Spirit by whom you have been sealed for the day of redemption! He is your power and He is the one who saves. We must be faithful to PREACH.
FAITHFUL to preach.
But I am faithless.
Yet, He is faithful.
As I read in Ephesians 3:16-21 because of the link in the Shepherding Weekly that made me read on Mr. Weinberg’s blog, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” Oh that I WOULD comprehend the dimensions of His love given for me! That I would be motivated by this reality in order to PREACH His word. That He would work this in me!!!!! I can’t even imagine preaching boldly. Will He do it? How much is it His working and my responsibility? How much of me is just sitting and being unwilling to move? (But, He doesn’t need me to preach. His desire is that I am fully satisfied in Him – not in my ability to perfect myself.)
It’s easy to preach the Gospel in easy circumstances: to homeless people, in the classroom, when people ask, when you know the Lord is pressuring you and you can do no other, but I need to be faithful in ALL.
Through prayer and supplication let our requests be made known to God. With THANKSGIVING! It is difficult for me to offer thanks at this point – thanks for my failure? I am sure I am will fail again. How can I give thanks for this wickedness? No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man, but God is faithful and will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able. Thanks for His character. Thanks that He IS faithful and will continue to use me and grow me. Thanks that He is SOVEREIGN and in CONTROL of all those He will bring to salvation. Thank You, Lord, for being in control. Thank You for preserving those You save! Thank You for Your salvation!!! Thank You for your birth as a LOWLY creature! Thank You for revealing Yourself to us. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for the patience You show towards me. Thank You for preparing me for some work. Thank You for giving me the Holy Spirit. Thank You for convicting me of my sin. Thank You for cleansing me of all unrighteousness and taking my sin away as far as the east is from the west. May I forget myself. May I fall at Your feet in worship.
Oh wretched man that I am, indeed!!!
But there is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. We are His children! If we are children, then we are heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, IF indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. Likewise, the Spirit helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit HIMSELF makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. All works according to HIS PURPOSE.
He is the One who works. We can only and MUST only work out what He has worked in. I know what I am fighting. I am fighting my will to do it my way. Let the Lord work. Be faithful to serve Him.
Be faithful!!!!
Rip off the flesh and put on His righteousness.
(Rip = tear, make to bleed, experience pain, suffer, lose my life for the sake of gaining His, deny my own pleasures, take away, temporarily break down, undo, pull with a strong force in order to break apart.)
So what am I ripping off?
Comfort…I think.
I failed to share the Gospel today. There was a woman at the Barnes and Noble bookstore. She was browsing books in the “Spiritual” section. The thought came across my mind to go over to her and just tell her that the New Age stuff could not save her. Jesus is the only way! But the words were a muddle in my mind and I didn’t think that God could want me to go interrupt her solitary reverie!?
Idiotic response. Let her burn in hell then, I might as well have said.
I have been praying and praying for her. May the Lord reach her soul even though I am a failure! The Lord does not need me, but perhaps He desired to use me? (God is sovereign.) And yet I also failed to fulfill my responsibility to preach.
I have just finished the book I started months ago, “Revolution in World Missions” by K. P. Yohannan. The beginning was better than the end. His overall point in the book is to try to convince you to support native missionaries rather than to go on the mission field yourself (speaking to the Western-rich culture, that is) for good, practical reasons I could expound upon at a later time. Throughout the vast majority of the book I agreed with his theological statements and the ideas expressed therein. He seems to be training them up to search the Scriptures, to know how to exposit the Scriptures, and then to go out and makes disciples and build up churches.
Why am I not doing this? Why could I not go up to that woman and tell her that JESUS CAN SAVE YOU! Four words – that’s all that was needed. I didn’t need to be eloquent. I have looked like a bigger idiot for obnoxious things I have done than if I would have just gone up and said those words. I don’t follow through. My biggest sin issue in life.
DISGUST! I even left the house having just read the first two chapters (and introduction) of “The Gospel and Personal Evangelism” by Mark Dever. I intend to finish that one sooner than I finished K. P.’s book. But what is the point of all this reading if I am not going to APPLY it? Something within me (my flesh!!) is afraid to apply it. WHY?!?! WHY!?!?!?! If only it would burn in my being as did God’s Words within Jeremiah. (Then I would just be a miserable, miserable creature.)
Sure, I tell my students about Jesus. That is safe. At times I communicate little bits to parents. That is my duty. Am I ready to shout it in the grocery store? Am I ready to stop the person at the bookstore? Am I willing to sit at the bus stop and talk to people? Apparently not.
How do I start these conversations?
How can I be so foolish?! Alicia Martin has trouble starting conversations?!! Purposeful conversations, yes. Idiot. Are you ashamed of the Gospel by which you have been saved? Do you believe in the REALITY of the Gospel by which you have been saved? For what have you been saved but to further the kingdom of God?!!
Why would the Lord choose to keep me longer on this earth when I fail? Perhaps to train me. Why bring me Home now when I am not fully refined? I pray that He would refine me. I want to be bold as a lion. I want to be able to stand on the rooftops and preach it to all those who pass by, but I am too concerned about the way I would appear to others. I, in fact, worship the opinion and approval of others toward me.
Repent and follow the Lord more fully.
Stop grieving the Holy Spirit by whom you have been sealed for the day of redemption! He is your power and He is the one who saves. We must be faithful to PREACH.
FAITHFUL to preach.
But I am faithless.
Yet, He is faithful.
As I read in Ephesians 3:16-21 because of the link in the Shepherding Weekly that made me read on Mr. Weinberg’s blog, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” Oh that I WOULD comprehend the dimensions of His love given for me! That I would be motivated by this reality in order to PREACH His word. That He would work this in me!!!!! I can’t even imagine preaching boldly. Will He do it? How much is it His working and my responsibility? How much of me is just sitting and being unwilling to move? (But, He doesn’t need me to preach. His desire is that I am fully satisfied in Him – not in my ability to perfect myself.)
It’s easy to preach the Gospel in easy circumstances: to homeless people, in the classroom, when people ask, when you know the Lord is pressuring you and you can do no other, but I need to be faithful in ALL.
Through prayer and supplication let our requests be made known to God. With THANKSGIVING! It is difficult for me to offer thanks at this point – thanks for my failure? I am sure I am will fail again. How can I give thanks for this wickedness? No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man, but God is faithful and will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able. Thanks for His character. Thanks that He IS faithful and will continue to use me and grow me. Thanks that He is SOVEREIGN and in CONTROL of all those He will bring to salvation. Thank You, Lord, for being in control. Thank You for preserving those You save! Thank You for Your salvation!!! Thank You for your birth as a LOWLY creature! Thank You for revealing Yourself to us. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for the patience You show towards me. Thank You for preparing me for some work. Thank You for giving me the Holy Spirit. Thank You for convicting me of my sin. Thank You for cleansing me of all unrighteousness and taking my sin away as far as the east is from the west. May I forget myself. May I fall at Your feet in worship.
Oh wretched man that I am, indeed!!!
But there is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. We are His children! If we are children, then we are heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, IF indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. Likewise, the Spirit helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit HIMSELF makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. All works according to HIS PURPOSE.
He is the One who works. We can only and MUST only work out what He has worked in. I know what I am fighting. I am fighting my will to do it my way. Let the Lord work. Be faithful to serve Him.
Be faithful!!!!
Rip off the flesh and put on His righteousness.
(Rip = tear, make to bleed, experience pain, suffer, lose my life for the sake of gaining His, deny my own pleasures, take away, temporarily break down, undo, pull with a strong force in order to break apart.)
So what am I ripping off?
Comfort…I think.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
My God is So GREAT!
Let our hearts sing PRAISES to our God! He works mightily!!!!
I am so thankful to the Lord. I was BURSTING with thankfulness when I left parent conferences this evening. Praise the Lord for how He has changed me! I don’t even know how He does it. How faithful He is and how faithless am I. But He continues to refine and polish. He has given me the heart of flesh and not a heart of stone. I have prayed for this throughout my life. I can’t tell if He is opening my eyes anew or if I am just going crazy. I think I want to see Him more than I have before.
After conferences I went to the “Y” and just couldn’t help but think of the many different ways He has blessed me. He has chosen to show me fruits of labor. That revelation has displayed to me the beauty of the interaction of His sovereignty and our labors.
As you might have noticed from some previous bloggings, I have trouble figuring out the balance between His sovereignty and our working.
Why should we work if He has already worked it all out?! What consequences do our works have? (Those were my main questions.)
I searched the Scriptures and found some good reasons:
Because He told us to, for the righteous clothes of His bride, so that we do not spit on His sacrifice, because that is what He has saved us for and to do, we are called to be stewards, we are His farmers, we are His soldiers, we are His ministers and will be held accountable to our works, we must walk in good deeds, He is glorious and our righteousness praises Him, etc.
But I still wondered and many thoughts and analogies came through my mind (perhaps I will later write about some) and then through two “monumental” understandings (“ironically” brought about by “outside” workings: i.e. reading His word, reading 2 other books and a general sentence from Sean Higgins,) I started praying for/about the fruits of labor. I prayed that I would be laboring for the fruit of others. I prayed that I would actually labor with emotion and caring and sorrow for the souls of others – trusting that He will bring this about.
And guess what?!!
He has chosen to show me some fruits of His working through me! AMAZEMENT!!! AMAZEMENT!!!!! What I am truly reveling about is the sovereignty and us working thing.
The paradox is TRUE! He does use us!
So, as I was jogging at the “Y” I realized that I must just TRUST this sovereign/me working paradox (DUH!). I realized that it can be likened to my operations in gravity. Do I fully comprehend how gravity works and interacts? No. Does that stop me from depending upon it and living in it daily…momentarily? No.
Do I fully understand or know how light travels from the sun to us? No. Does that mean I shut my eyes and block all sunlight? No.
Nor then can I mentally rebel against the thing God has created, planned, and purposed. My thoughts are not His thoughts. My ways are desperately below His ways. I will never know this balance. I will never understand it, but I know that He has revealed it to be true and to be there and so I must love Him and trust Him.
I must only step out in faith and He provides the rest! I was praying that my heart would sorrow for the souls of others; I prayed that I would be laboring for fruits. It is not that I have fully reached these goals. They continue to be my prayer, but when I chose to step out of my boat in trust He was there to provide all my needs.
Oh me of little faith, why do I doubt? Why do I not take my mustard seed and invest?! (Mixed parables...)
GO OUT AND LABOR!!! We have a heavenly calling! What are we doing with this calling? We have talents to invest? What are we doing with the things God has entrusted to our care?!! Somehow He uses us -- let us STORM the gates of Hades because we will prevail!!! The God of wonder is on our side, of whom shall we fear?! (I say these things to my own ears and heart.) We shall fear the Maker of heaven and earth who was enthroned at the Flood and reigns as King FOR EVER!!
He has shown me, o little Alicia, what is good and what the Lord requires of me – but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God. HOW GRACIOUS HE IS TO SHOW ME PRODUCTS OF THIS BALANCE!!!!!!! Never before have I seen such things and this week He has been pouring them OUT! I am so humbled. I would like to weep on the floor. How could I doubt Him? How can I keep from singing His praise? When will I see Him? Am I ready to be seen by Him? Will I be declared as a good and faithful servant??? I just want to sit in His presence and gaze at Him. I want to touch His feet. I want to hold His hand. I want to embrace Him and thank Him and spend time with Him. I thank Him for not leaving us orphans, but giving us His Holy Spirit. What a wretch I would still be without the Holy Spirit.
Oh COME, Lord Jesus!
Fight while He taries!
I am so thankful to the Lord. I was BURSTING with thankfulness when I left parent conferences this evening. Praise the Lord for how He has changed me! I don’t even know how He does it. How faithful He is and how faithless am I. But He continues to refine and polish. He has given me the heart of flesh and not a heart of stone. I have prayed for this throughout my life. I can’t tell if He is opening my eyes anew or if I am just going crazy. I think I want to see Him more than I have before.
After conferences I went to the “Y” and just couldn’t help but think of the many different ways He has blessed me. He has chosen to show me fruits of labor. That revelation has displayed to me the beauty of the interaction of His sovereignty and our labors.
As you might have noticed from some previous bloggings, I have trouble figuring out the balance between His sovereignty and our working.
Why should we work if He has already worked it all out?! What consequences do our works have? (Those were my main questions.)
I searched the Scriptures and found some good reasons:
Because He told us to, for the righteous clothes of His bride, so that we do not spit on His sacrifice, because that is what He has saved us for and to do, we are called to be stewards, we are His farmers, we are His soldiers, we are His ministers and will be held accountable to our works, we must walk in good deeds, He is glorious and our righteousness praises Him, etc.
But I still wondered and many thoughts and analogies came through my mind (perhaps I will later write about some) and then through two “monumental” understandings (“ironically” brought about by “outside” workings: i.e. reading His word, reading 2 other books and a general sentence from Sean Higgins,) I started praying for/about the fruits of labor. I prayed that I would be laboring for the fruit of others. I prayed that I would actually labor with emotion and caring and sorrow for the souls of others – trusting that He will bring this about.
And guess what?!!
He has chosen to show me some fruits of His working through me! AMAZEMENT!!! AMAZEMENT!!!!! What I am truly reveling about is the sovereignty and us working thing.
The paradox is TRUE! He does use us!
So, as I was jogging at the “Y” I realized that I must just TRUST this sovereign/me working paradox (DUH!). I realized that it can be likened to my operations in gravity. Do I fully comprehend how gravity works and interacts? No. Does that stop me from depending upon it and living in it daily…momentarily? No.
Do I fully understand or know how light travels from the sun to us? No. Does that mean I shut my eyes and block all sunlight? No.
Nor then can I mentally rebel against the thing God has created, planned, and purposed. My thoughts are not His thoughts. My ways are desperately below His ways. I will never know this balance. I will never understand it, but I know that He has revealed it to be true and to be there and so I must love Him and trust Him.
I must only step out in faith and He provides the rest! I was praying that my heart would sorrow for the souls of others; I prayed that I would be laboring for fruits. It is not that I have fully reached these goals. They continue to be my prayer, but when I chose to step out of my boat in trust He was there to provide all my needs.
Oh me of little faith, why do I doubt? Why do I not take my mustard seed and invest?! (Mixed parables...)
GO OUT AND LABOR!!! We have a heavenly calling! What are we doing with this calling? We have talents to invest? What are we doing with the things God has entrusted to our care?!! Somehow He uses us -- let us STORM the gates of Hades because we will prevail!!! The God of wonder is on our side, of whom shall we fear?! (I say these things to my own ears and heart.) We shall fear the Maker of heaven and earth who was enthroned at the Flood and reigns as King FOR EVER!!
He has shown me, o little Alicia, what is good and what the Lord requires of me – but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God. HOW GRACIOUS HE IS TO SHOW ME PRODUCTS OF THIS BALANCE!!!!!!! Never before have I seen such things and this week He has been pouring them OUT! I am so humbled. I would like to weep on the floor. How could I doubt Him? How can I keep from singing His praise? When will I see Him? Am I ready to be seen by Him? Will I be declared as a good and faithful servant??? I just want to sit in His presence and gaze at Him. I want to touch His feet. I want to hold His hand. I want to embrace Him and thank Him and spend time with Him. I thank Him for not leaving us orphans, but giving us His Holy Spirit. What a wretch I would still be without the Holy Spirit.
Oh COME, Lord Jesus!
Fight while He taries!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Fuse of the Explosion
I guess I am also battling the question, "why have excitement?" In the house of sorrow is repentance. We are to be sober-minded as a result of girding the loins of our mind. (Is it ironic that I am asking this question? You don't know the inner workings of my brain.)
Shouldn't we be GROANING for His return as does the earth? We need to work until His return though. I want to be found as a good and faithful servant when the Master returns.
Psychics are meeting at a bookstore in Marysville every Friday night. Should I/we do anything about it? Should we go every Friday to pray for them directly and in the open or should we be in our safe HFGs -- praying away from them, but FOR them still? This is not a sarcastic and/or condemning question for those who attend HFGs in particular, but for myself in specific.
Why am I not a missionary here? Should I stand up on the bus stop bench and preach the Gospel? How can I find more ways to serve the lost? How am I doing at discipling those inside the church? Am I showing them His word and Truth? Partially -- and that's not good enough. So, no.
Where's the balance between inner church activity (ministry) and outer church activity (evangelism)?
What about the responsibility given to Ezekiel? Ezekiel 33 talks about Ezekiel being the watchman for the house of Israel. Have we been made watchmen presently in our churches and communities? I would say churches most definitely. We are supposed to FIGHT for the truth and for the faith (Jude, etc). Matthew 28:18-20 does give us some (sarcasm -- much more than "some") for the reaching of the lost. Romans -- How can they believe if they have not heard?
How will I/we be judged for the sharing of the Gospel? (For our stewardship of the Gospel? For our job as ambassadors for Him?)
But, He is not dependent on me for this working. I must and can ONLY work out what He has worked in. Well, what has He worked in? I must love Him and love others.
Stephen is a good example. Daniel is a good example. I do enjoy their examples. Of Daniel, "man greatly beloved." (Daniel 10:11) He PRAYED and was faithful in the earthly tasks God gave him to do. And of Stephen, "a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit." (Acts 6:5) Oh if those words could be said of me! He was full of faith (full of faith) and power and he was AMONG the PEOPLE. He had wisdom. He was not afraid. He was faithful in his small earthly tasks as well.
Let me not desire for great things, but to serve faithfully in the unseen things.
(That would be the opposite of my character and would be the GRACE of my Lord Jesus alone. May He work mightily and receive the glory alone!!)
Shouldn't we be GROANING for His return as does the earth? We need to work until His return though. I want to be found as a good and faithful servant when the Master returns.
Psychics are meeting at a bookstore in Marysville every Friday night. Should I/we do anything about it? Should we go every Friday to pray for them directly and in the open or should we be in our safe HFGs -- praying away from them, but FOR them still? This is not a sarcastic and/or condemning question for those who attend HFGs in particular, but for myself in specific.
Why am I not a missionary here? Should I stand up on the bus stop bench and preach the Gospel? How can I find more ways to serve the lost? How am I doing at discipling those inside the church? Am I showing them His word and Truth? Partially -- and that's not good enough. So, no.
Where's the balance between inner church activity (ministry) and outer church activity (evangelism)?
What about the responsibility given to Ezekiel? Ezekiel 33 talks about Ezekiel being the watchman for the house of Israel. Have we been made watchmen presently in our churches and communities? I would say churches most definitely. We are supposed to FIGHT for the truth and for the faith (Jude, etc). Matthew 28:18-20 does give us some (sarcasm -- much more than "some") for the reaching of the lost. Romans -- How can they believe if they have not heard?
How will I/we be judged for the sharing of the Gospel? (For our stewardship of the Gospel? For our job as ambassadors for Him?)
But, He is not dependent on me for this working. I must and can ONLY work out what He has worked in. Well, what has He worked in? I must love Him and love others.
Stephen is a good example. Daniel is a good example. I do enjoy their examples. Of Daniel, "man greatly beloved." (Daniel 10:11) He PRAYED and was faithful in the earthly tasks God gave him to do. And of Stephen, "a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit." (Acts 6:5) Oh if those words could be said of me! He was full of faith (full of faith) and power and he was AMONG the PEOPLE. He had wisdom. He was not afraid. He was faithful in his small earthly tasks as well.
Let me not desire for great things, but to serve faithfully in the unseen things.
(That would be the opposite of my character and would be the GRACE of my Lord Jesus alone. May He work mightily and receive the glory alone!!)
Explosive Burdens
I am tired of talking about sufferings and the precious need for sufferings and not suffering. I think I am speaking for myself alone because I know many of those around me who are going through various trials and sufferings.
I guess I am unsatisfied with myself. Is my desire to suffer a hypocritical one? Why have I not suffered more in my life? Oh that I would be able to know Jesus through the experience of sufferings! That He would bring me through the fires to refine me and to test me as gold. I want to know His sufferings and rejoice in that bond with Him.
Throughout my life I have had a burden to be a martyr and/or a missionary. I don’t know that I could truly handle it and it may have been brought about by my mom (missionary part) and my imagination for the extreme (martyr part), but the Lord has continued to revive those wants and thoughts in my life with faithful consistency.
This summer as I was trying to read through the whole Bible (which I did not because I like to make time to stop and smell the roses) I was impressed and overwhelmed with God’s glory and our need our CALL our DUTY our existence to glorify His name. Since that time I have come to see that I wanted to take that work upon myself as MY work rather than something He works through me. But as I was reading the Old Testament and sorrowing in Israel’s reactions to their call and the revelation of God’s holy power and then as I moved to the New Testament and saw the gloriousness of our call because of the mystery of God’s will revealed bodily in Jesus, I was reminded in Acts and 1st Peter of our need to suffer. What else is there for us? Why should we look for pleasures? Praise the Lord for His blessings and His grace and His provisions with which He blesses us, but why should I want more than I need? I do NOT want to be held to this world! I do not want to love this world or the things in this world!! I want to be drawn closer to my Lord. I want to be stretched so that HIS name is made known to the nations.
I see that so often I am only a people pleaser. What a horrible thing. I saw that I wanted to say, “Hey! Look at me so you can see God’s glory!!” No, no. It sounds good, but it’s not good. It’s supposed to be me living, me praying, me speaking THROUGH Him and IN Him and BY Him and FOR Him in the community. It’s supposed to be me/us operating as His body and in His image so others can see Him and not be distracted by us. Will these things bring me suffering?! They will make me die to myself. Oh that I would die to myself! Oh that I would be building up treasure in heaven. I pray that He would find me faithful to HIM and not to the gaining of the applause of men. Wasn’t it Oswald Chambers who spoke about the “need” for a “bad” preacher so that the success of the Gospel would be God’s alone and not the preacher’s? Of course, God will use and GIFT whom He will. (He does give us gifts and abilities for His glorious purpose.)
I guess I am tired of thinking about heaven and not being there. That is, once again, a nice sounding statement laced with sin. Where is my focus on others? Where is my willingness to die to myself so I can serve others through Jesus?
So, I have been burdened for missions and martyrdom throughout my life, but especially in these last weeks. I have no idea what the Lord is doing. It’s almost getting to where I cannot focus on the tasks at hand. That’s sinful. I cry out to Him to tell me what He is trying to say. I fall before Him that I might know what is to become of me. I feel as if I am battling something. Maybe He is preparing me for a battle?! It must be that a great change is coming. As I was before Him this morning I asked if He is preparing me for my death – or maybe another close person’s death. I don’t know. Something seems to be changing within me though. Then I began reading a book – and it wasn’t the Bible. It’s called “Revolution in World Missions” and I think that is a point of my new sorrow. (Before, my sorrow came from the pressure of feeling the need to GO, but not able to go.)
This book has captured my attention and I hope to finish it before the day is done. (I will soon post on it.) I don’t know how many people from Grace will agree with the background of this book. He speaks of the Lord speaking to him, visions, demons, miracles, God-working, etc. (Oh sin!! I am getting sarcastic!!)
I am just TIRED of being a spiritual being who "cannot" talk about the spiritual workings in the other realms. Satan is real. Demons are real. The miraculous workings of God is real. God does speak to His people and it is NOT just through the Bible, but also through the prodding and guiding and whispers of the Holy Spirit. I know because of my relationship with Him (and biblical back-up). No, I have never spoken in tongues, I have never seen visions, I have never performed any miracles, but He has told me where to go and what to do. Why are we afraid of the spiritual world? Why is it impractical and not-for-our-time? What else is there but this fight between the powers of God and hell? Oh to see the glories and mysteries of heaven! Oh to fight on that day – or at least to witness the fighting – of the One who will ride in on the white horse with the name Faithful and True written (tattooed?!!) on His thigh.
This is not good. I am almost tired of doing life. I am tried of being tied to temporal things, but that IS a portion of why we are here. If I am not faithful in these areas how will the Lord ever entrust me with any thing of true importance?
How am I doing at sharing the Gospel here? How am I affecting Marysville and/or Monroe for the kingdom? How am I living to fight? Am I running on the shoes of the readiness of the Gospel of Peace?!
Oh to die for that is gain. (But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.) Who am I being more needful for in the flesh? Who am I giving up myself for? I must die to myself. Oh that I would stop pleasing people and start pleasing HIM!
Proverbs 30:8-9
“Remove falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches – feed me with the food allotted to me; lest I be full and deny You, and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God.” Amen.
I guess I am unsatisfied with myself. Is my desire to suffer a hypocritical one? Why have I not suffered more in my life? Oh that I would be able to know Jesus through the experience of sufferings! That He would bring me through the fires to refine me and to test me as gold. I want to know His sufferings and rejoice in that bond with Him.
Throughout my life I have had a burden to be a martyr and/or a missionary. I don’t know that I could truly handle it and it may have been brought about by my mom (missionary part) and my imagination for the extreme (martyr part), but the Lord has continued to revive those wants and thoughts in my life with faithful consistency.
This summer as I was trying to read through the whole Bible (which I did not because I like to make time to stop and smell the roses) I was impressed and overwhelmed with God’s glory and our need our CALL our DUTY our existence to glorify His name. Since that time I have come to see that I wanted to take that work upon myself as MY work rather than something He works through me. But as I was reading the Old Testament and sorrowing in Israel’s reactions to their call and the revelation of God’s holy power and then as I moved to the New Testament and saw the gloriousness of our call because of the mystery of God’s will revealed bodily in Jesus, I was reminded in Acts and 1st Peter of our need to suffer. What else is there for us? Why should we look for pleasures? Praise the Lord for His blessings and His grace and His provisions with which He blesses us, but why should I want more than I need? I do NOT want to be held to this world! I do not want to love this world or the things in this world!! I want to be drawn closer to my Lord. I want to be stretched so that HIS name is made known to the nations.
I see that so often I am only a people pleaser. What a horrible thing. I saw that I wanted to say, “Hey! Look at me so you can see God’s glory!!” No, no. It sounds good, but it’s not good. It’s supposed to be me living, me praying, me speaking THROUGH Him and IN Him and BY Him and FOR Him in the community. It’s supposed to be me/us operating as His body and in His image so others can see Him and not be distracted by us. Will these things bring me suffering?! They will make me die to myself. Oh that I would die to myself! Oh that I would be building up treasure in heaven. I pray that He would find me faithful to HIM and not to the gaining of the applause of men. Wasn’t it Oswald Chambers who spoke about the “need” for a “bad” preacher so that the success of the Gospel would be God’s alone and not the preacher’s? Of course, God will use and GIFT whom He will. (He does give us gifts and abilities for His glorious purpose.)
I guess I am tired of thinking about heaven and not being there. That is, once again, a nice sounding statement laced with sin. Where is my focus on others? Where is my willingness to die to myself so I can serve others through Jesus?
So, I have been burdened for missions and martyrdom throughout my life, but especially in these last weeks. I have no idea what the Lord is doing. It’s almost getting to where I cannot focus on the tasks at hand. That’s sinful. I cry out to Him to tell me what He is trying to say. I fall before Him that I might know what is to become of me. I feel as if I am battling something. Maybe He is preparing me for a battle?! It must be that a great change is coming. As I was before Him this morning I asked if He is preparing me for my death – or maybe another close person’s death. I don’t know. Something seems to be changing within me though. Then I began reading a book – and it wasn’t the Bible. It’s called “Revolution in World Missions” and I think that is a point of my new sorrow. (Before, my sorrow came from the pressure of feeling the need to GO, but not able to go.)
This book has captured my attention and I hope to finish it before the day is done. (I will soon post on it.) I don’t know how many people from Grace will agree with the background of this book. He speaks of the Lord speaking to him, visions, demons, miracles, God-working, etc. (Oh sin!! I am getting sarcastic!!)
I am just TIRED of being a spiritual being who "cannot" talk about the spiritual workings in the other realms. Satan is real. Demons are real. The miraculous workings of God is real. God does speak to His people and it is NOT just through the Bible, but also through the prodding and guiding and whispers of the Holy Spirit. I know because of my relationship with Him (and biblical back-up). No, I have never spoken in tongues, I have never seen visions, I have never performed any miracles, but He has told me where to go and what to do. Why are we afraid of the spiritual world? Why is it impractical and not-for-our-time? What else is there but this fight between the powers of God and hell? Oh to see the glories and mysteries of heaven! Oh to fight on that day – or at least to witness the fighting – of the One who will ride in on the white horse with the name Faithful and True written (tattooed?!!) on His thigh.
This is not good. I am almost tired of doing life. I am tried of being tied to temporal things, but that IS a portion of why we are here. If I am not faithful in these areas how will the Lord ever entrust me with any thing of true importance?
How am I doing at sharing the Gospel here? How am I affecting Marysville and/or Monroe for the kingdom? How am I living to fight? Am I running on the shoes of the readiness of the Gospel of Peace?!
Oh to die for that is gain. (But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.) Who am I being more needful for in the flesh? Who am I giving up myself for? I must die to myself. Oh that I would stop pleasing people and start pleasing HIM!
Proverbs 30:8-9
“Remove falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches – feed me with the food allotted to me; lest I be full and deny You, and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God.” Amen.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
GLORY!
Psalm 29
The Voice of the Lord:
--is over the waters --thunders --is powerful --full of majesty --splinters the cedars of Lebanon –divides flames --makes tress skip like a calf --shakes the wilderness
Psalm 29:9
“The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth, and strips the forests bare; and in His temple everyone says, ‘Glory!’”
The VOICE of the Lord is attributed with all these mighty acts. The weakest part of man. What can man do with his voice that physically exerts force of a noticeable kind?
How LARGE the temple of the Lord must be!!! And they all shout, “GLORY!!” United in one voice. What else can those in His temple proclaim? What else would they want to declare? We are to go there one day. His people ARE His temple. I am being fashioned into His temple. I will be among those exclaiming, “GLORY!”
Where will my strength come to do that? My knees, banging together – my hands begin to sweat and as the pulse of my heart begins to race, the blood rushes to my head.
I feel weak and rather sickly. I fall to the floor while all the cries of glory continue to ring throughout His temple.
Should I be here? Do I belong?! I am unworthy to behold such resplendent glory. Who is this King – strong and mighty -- who needs to but speak and all is destroyed and melted away? YET He paid for us to come into His presence. He PAID for me to see His glory and be so moved at His holiness in order to show Himself great because there is no name above His name. The One who should destroy preserves.
One approaches me. I cannot and do not raise my head from the floor. I can feel His eyes staring at my form. I sense that He is moving forward. I wait in expectation. Instead of wrathful fury, He reaches out to touch my shoulder. It is the Lord!
All at once my body is straightened with reverential awe. I want to fall further down before Him and yet, I want to run into His arms and see Him. I cannot move. He knows my every thought, hope, all the idle words I have spoken, all the sins I have ever committed. I think I am shaking. What will His holy righteousness do to me? What will happen when I look? Will I melt away? What does He look like?! I long to praise Him with the multitudes, but I cannot move.
He speaks.
The voice! The thunderous, moving like the mighty rushing waters voice! That powerful and supreme voice!!
“I AM that I AM who gave up all the glories of heaven for your sin. I AM that I AM who died to take the wrath of God for you. I AM that I AM who is love. Before me there are no other gods. Stand up! Your sins are for ever removed. I have clothed you. There is no more fighting the flesh. There is no more tears before me. You have endured to the end. Stand and worship your God.”
Instantaneously, I rise; strengthened by His assurance, I stand and see Him and only want to fall again. My God who I pained, doubted, fought to pursue and love; my faithful, holy, righteous, obedient, sacrificing God. The Alpha and the Omega, my Creator, my Righteousness, my Savior, my Judge, my Lord, my Father, my Love – I see Him at last and am changed permanently and forever. I know Him as He knows me. I will dwell in His presence for ever more! Praise the name of Jesus!
All bow their knees before Him and confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and as one voice the multitude in the temple cries out, “GLORY!”
The Voice of the Lord:
--is over the waters --thunders --is powerful --full of majesty --splinters the cedars of Lebanon –divides flames --makes tress skip like a calf --shakes the wilderness
Psalm 29:9
“The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth, and strips the forests bare; and in His temple everyone says, ‘Glory!’”
The VOICE of the Lord is attributed with all these mighty acts. The weakest part of man. What can man do with his voice that physically exerts force of a noticeable kind?
How LARGE the temple of the Lord must be!!! And they all shout, “GLORY!!” United in one voice. What else can those in His temple proclaim? What else would they want to declare? We are to go there one day. His people ARE His temple. I am being fashioned into His temple. I will be among those exclaiming, “GLORY!”
Where will my strength come to do that? My knees, banging together – my hands begin to sweat and as the pulse of my heart begins to race, the blood rushes to my head.
I feel weak and rather sickly. I fall to the floor while all the cries of glory continue to ring throughout His temple.
Should I be here? Do I belong?! I am unworthy to behold such resplendent glory. Who is this King – strong and mighty -- who needs to but speak and all is destroyed and melted away? YET He paid for us to come into His presence. He PAID for me to see His glory and be so moved at His holiness in order to show Himself great because there is no name above His name. The One who should destroy preserves.
One approaches me. I cannot and do not raise my head from the floor. I can feel His eyes staring at my form. I sense that He is moving forward. I wait in expectation. Instead of wrathful fury, He reaches out to touch my shoulder. It is the Lord!
All at once my body is straightened with reverential awe. I want to fall further down before Him and yet, I want to run into His arms and see Him. I cannot move. He knows my every thought, hope, all the idle words I have spoken, all the sins I have ever committed. I think I am shaking. What will His holy righteousness do to me? What will happen when I look? Will I melt away? What does He look like?! I long to praise Him with the multitudes, but I cannot move.
He speaks.
The voice! The thunderous, moving like the mighty rushing waters voice! That powerful and supreme voice!!
“I AM that I AM who gave up all the glories of heaven for your sin. I AM that I AM who died to take the wrath of God for you. I AM that I AM who is love. Before me there are no other gods. Stand up! Your sins are for ever removed. I have clothed you. There is no more fighting the flesh. There is no more tears before me. You have endured to the end. Stand and worship your God.”
Instantaneously, I rise; strengthened by His assurance, I stand and see Him and only want to fall again. My God who I pained, doubted, fought to pursue and love; my faithful, holy, righteous, obedient, sacrificing God. The Alpha and the Omega, my Creator, my Righteousness, my Savior, my Judge, my Lord, my Father, my Love – I see Him at last and am changed permanently and forever. I know Him as He knows me. I will dwell in His presence for ever more! Praise the name of Jesus!
All bow their knees before Him and confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and as one voice the multitude in the temple cries out, “GLORY!”
Paradox
“I am a walking contradiction; partly truth, partly fiction.”
But praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who knows me and yet has chosen to change me into the image of His Son for His glory. Soli Deo Gloria!! He will complete the work and (PRAISE Him) He has already been shredding layers of me away from myself. PRAISE Him for allowing me to be refined. PRAISE Him for not giving me over to my rebellious and selfish heart. PRAISE Him for His faithfulness to all generations. He is good, patient, faithful, steadfast in His love, slow to anger, and abounding in patience. All eyes look to Him for from Him come all things needed for our life. PRAISE Him for life and breath. PRAISE Him for the opportunity to know Him who is true and be IN Him who is true. PRAISE Him for the revelation of the mystery – God revealed bodily – made manifest and testified to the world. May we continue that process in earnest and until the day He returns, knowing that it hastens His coming.
Paradox – taken from “The Valley of Vision”
O Changless God,
Under the conviction of thy Spirit I learn that the more I do, the worse I am, the more I know, the less I know, the more holiness I have, the more sinful I am, the more I love, the more there is to love. O wretched man that I am!
O Lord, I have a wild heart, and cannot stand before thee; I am like a bird before a man. How little I love they truth and ways!
I neglect prayer, by thinking I have prayed enough and earnestly, by knowing thou hast saved my soul.
Of all hypocrites, grant that I may not be an evangelical hypocrite, who sins more safely because grace abounds, who tells his lusts that Christ’s blood cleanseth them, who reasons that God cannot cast him into hell, for he is saved, who loves evangelical preaching, churches, Christians, but lives unholily.
My mind is a bucket without a bottom, with no spiritual understanding, no desire for the Lord’s Day, ever learning, but never reaching truth, always at the gospel-well but never holding water. My conscience is without conviction or contrition, with nothing to repent of.
My will is without power or decision or resolution. My heart is without affection, and full of leaks. My memory has no retention, so I forget easily the lessons learned, and thy truths seep away.
Give me a broken heart that yet carries home the water of grace.
But praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who knows me and yet has chosen to change me into the image of His Son for His glory. Soli Deo Gloria!! He will complete the work and (PRAISE Him) He has already been shredding layers of me away from myself. PRAISE Him for allowing me to be refined. PRAISE Him for not giving me over to my rebellious and selfish heart. PRAISE Him for His faithfulness to all generations. He is good, patient, faithful, steadfast in His love, slow to anger, and abounding in patience. All eyes look to Him for from Him come all things needed for our life. PRAISE Him for life and breath. PRAISE Him for the opportunity to know Him who is true and be IN Him who is true. PRAISE Him for the revelation of the mystery – God revealed bodily – made manifest and testified to the world. May we continue that process in earnest and until the day He returns, knowing that it hastens His coming.
Paradox – taken from “The Valley of Vision”
O Changless God,
Under the conviction of thy Spirit I learn that the more I do, the worse I am, the more I know, the less I know, the more holiness I have, the more sinful I am, the more I love, the more there is to love. O wretched man that I am!
O Lord, I have a wild heart, and cannot stand before thee; I am like a bird before a man. How little I love they truth and ways!
I neglect prayer, by thinking I have prayed enough and earnestly, by knowing thou hast saved my soul.
Of all hypocrites, grant that I may not be an evangelical hypocrite, who sins more safely because grace abounds, who tells his lusts that Christ’s blood cleanseth them, who reasons that God cannot cast him into hell, for he is saved, who loves evangelical preaching, churches, Christians, but lives unholily.
My mind is a bucket without a bottom, with no spiritual understanding, no desire for the Lord’s Day, ever learning, but never reaching truth, always at the gospel-well but never holding water. My conscience is without conviction or contrition, with nothing to repent of.
My will is without power or decision or resolution. My heart is without affection, and full of leaks. My memory has no retention, so I forget easily the lessons learned, and thy truths seep away.
Give me a broken heart that yet carries home the water of grace.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Pigtails
Sun shining--
--- the much awaited warmth of spring falls on the shiny-blonde pigtails of two young sisters. Both are biking with the help of training wheels while their “baby-bumped” mother follows behind them. She jogs occasionally while guiding a biking boy of about two years.
As we part ways an unfamiliar song begins to stream through my shuffle and into my ears, Beautiful Lord. “Your majesty is above all I know or can understand. The beauty of Your majesty – on the cross You showed Your love for me. Awesome and mighty, tender and holy; I’m captured by this love I see. Your mercy brings me to my knees.”
Grace is my shelter against sin. In my weakness, He is strong. It is Your mercy that makes me FREE.
I enter the playground section of the park and am overwhelmed with some emotion. What God is this who I desire to serve? – Who I fail? Look at the babies being pushed by their mothers in the swings, children laugh and run with shining faces reflecting the beauty of the sun – reflecting the grace of their unknown Creator.
A goggle of teen girls giggle as they gently tease one another. Husbands and wives hold hands and walk around the lake. Mothers delight in the joy of their children while fathers seek to push their children into the clouds. A team of young football players take the field as the sun begins to set. I walk back to my car.
The sun is at my back and casts a shadow before me. That is a picture of life; a shadow. Here and laughing in one moment and vanishing in darkness the next. Look to the Creator who has blessed you with the grace of His goodness on this day. Enjoy the sun and know His Son. The day will soon come when the delight-giving pigtails will be brushed out and forgotten. Days of pain and trouble will occur, but not yet. Not in the park on a sunny-warm day in Washington.
I wish that these may know Him – He who shines brighter, truer, and longer than the spring sunshine. It is He in who is no variation or shadow of turning; the Alpha and Omega, God alone; beautiful Lord who allows us to graciously experience beauty when we are only death.
Praise Him for the –
--Son Shining.
--- the much awaited warmth of spring falls on the shiny-blonde pigtails of two young sisters. Both are biking with the help of training wheels while their “baby-bumped” mother follows behind them. She jogs occasionally while guiding a biking boy of about two years.
As we part ways an unfamiliar song begins to stream through my shuffle and into my ears, Beautiful Lord. “Your majesty is above all I know or can understand. The beauty of Your majesty – on the cross You showed Your love for me. Awesome and mighty, tender and holy; I’m captured by this love I see. Your mercy brings me to my knees.”
Grace is my shelter against sin. In my weakness, He is strong. It is Your mercy that makes me FREE.
I enter the playground section of the park and am overwhelmed with some emotion. What God is this who I desire to serve? – Who I fail? Look at the babies being pushed by their mothers in the swings, children laugh and run with shining faces reflecting the beauty of the sun – reflecting the grace of their unknown Creator.
A goggle of teen girls giggle as they gently tease one another. Husbands and wives hold hands and walk around the lake. Mothers delight in the joy of their children while fathers seek to push their children into the clouds. A team of young football players take the field as the sun begins to set. I walk back to my car.
The sun is at my back and casts a shadow before me. That is a picture of life; a shadow. Here and laughing in one moment and vanishing in darkness the next. Look to the Creator who has blessed you with the grace of His goodness on this day. Enjoy the sun and know His Son. The day will soon come when the delight-giving pigtails will be brushed out and forgotten. Days of pain and trouble will occur, but not yet. Not in the park on a sunny-warm day in Washington.
I wish that these may know Him – He who shines brighter, truer, and longer than the spring sunshine. It is He in who is no variation or shadow of turning; the Alpha and Omega, God alone; beautiful Lord who allows us to graciously experience beauty when we are only death.
Praise Him for the –
--Son Shining.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The Doggly Adventures of Katherine and Alicia
Prologue:
This is a non-fiction tale produced from yesterday’s experiences. Some of the circumstances told disclose less than delicate matters. Although some portions of this day retold may be grotesque in the minds of those with weak constitutions; many of the strong (and slightly unruly) may (or may not) have a good chuckle from reading the following tale.
Tale Told:
It all started when we entered the home of the four dogs Katherine was to care for. The drive over had been pleasant enough. We had been grooving and singing along to such songs as “The Deadwood Stage,” “Ain’t We Got Fun,” and some song performed by Bulldog…or Pitbull. All in all, the drive afforded us an entertaining groove and a nice stretch of the vocal cords. We were still laughing and living off the vibe of the “Calamity Jane” tunes as Katherine turned the key in the lock. Our attention was suddenly removed from our happiness as we stepped into the home. Immediately, our nostrils were affronted by a smell of wet-dog, organic cleaner, and doodoo. (I did warn that this story is NOT for the faint-hearted.) Something like a bad attitude began to wash over our beings. “What IS that smell?” “Where are the dogs?” “What IS that smell?!” “Where is the one who is pregnant?” “What is that SMELL?!!” “Which one won’t come back inside?” The dogs were pretty energized to see us as well; one greeted us with a dark growl.
Katherine opened the gate for the pregnant poochie. She (the pregnant poochie) was pretty sweet. I pet her for a bit and then encouraged her to get herself outside rather than choosing to release in the house. The other three dogs soon followed suit. Two out of the four dogs were pleasant enough. They let us pet them. The other two were barking in high, screechy voices. “Just go potty and stop BARKING!” We retreated inside the house hoping this would give them the freedom to take care of business.
After a few minutes we returned to the dogs to find a sickly thing extending from the back end of the smallest dog. You can guess what it was. Hopefully your guess will be accurate because that is what the majority of this story will be about. It was (not for the fainthearted) it was a mound-up- matted-in-hair-thick-stinky-freshly-made piece of canine fecal matter. I tell you, put yourselves in the dog’s position. How would you feel if you were a small, terrier puppy, no more than 4 months old with this thing that could not be removed from you? You would be a bit distressed, I am sure. Wanting to help him, Katherine and I began to massage his rump. This seemed to help a bit, but was not effective enough. Feeling the pressure of time (we had to go to the bank before it closed, to the grocery store for dinner items, and possibly even the library for an item of Katherine’s,) Katherine pulled out a small 5-square piece of toilet paper and passed it to my hand. As she held the dog in mid-air, I tried to remove the stress-giving item. It wasn’t going anywhere. The smell was diffusing and time was running out. Katherine returned the puppy to the earth and we tried to round up the other dogs. Got the pregnant one? Check. Got the troubled one? Check. Got the barker? Check. Got the one who won’t come inside even for its masters? Uuuh…no. Katherine began to call her name. I was trying to jiggle the treats in a bag; trying to lure the blessed animal inside the home so we could leave before the bank closed. This is a disobedient dog. She would not come. We almost had her, but she ran away when she saw us. I told Katherine we would have to leave her outside. We would come back for her after our errands were completed. I tried to comfort Katherine’s fears by assuring her that evil pets never run away. The way of escape evades them, (unlike precious pets who sometimes experience horrible deaths…like death by coyote).
And so we left to return.
It took us no longer than 50 minutes to complete our errands and return to the dogs. We were hoping the evil one had not runaway and that the tootsie log had been defecated. One out of two hopes were ours. As I had foretold, the rebellious one had not runaway. The tootsie roll, however; was still clinging on. If it was possible, it also seemed to have grown. I approached this situation with a resolute soul: get the duty done. Can’t find gloves? Don’t need ‘em. Found some paper towels? Rip a couple and let’s git ‘er done. Before beginning the surgery we let all the dogs out, trying to give the small one a final go at independently relieving himself. From the evidences left on the porch, he seemed to be progressing, but not as we hoped. Katherine began to pressure-massage his intestines once again, but the time had come. The surgery had to begin. I mentally plugged my nostrils before applying my paper-towel-protected fingers to the problem at hand. And then, it was time to finish his business. Once again, Katherine held the poor pooch extended in mid-air. I could feel the tension coursing through the puppy’s body. This was not a story to tell his litter-mates. As I began pulling and poking at the hardened fecal matter, I suddenly felt myself begin to transform into a vet. This was no longer a disgusting situation, but an interesting circumstance of life. I did not want to hurt my patient. I pulled on. It didn’t really seem to move. I didn’t know how hard to pull. I didn’t want to hurt the poor canine’s body. And yet, I continued pulling until the mission was accomplished. The puppy seemed to be SO relieved. Still in my vet mind mode, I inspected him to be sure all would be well. From my pretty extensive knowledge of dog anatomy, all seemed to be well. Katherine, once again, returned him to the earth and admired the success of our surgery. Our patient had been restored to a full and happy life.
As an act of great benevolence, we let them play for some moments. Mr. Pooper was jumping right back into life and the pregnant dog just wanted to be pet. We accommodated them both. After awhile, we decided it was time to pack the four up again. The rebellious dog was resolute as ever. She would not enter the house. We jiggled the bag of treats. We left the door wide open. We waited. At last, entered she; the disobedient doggy. “Close the door!!” Katherine yelled in a whisper. I obeyed. I was no longer in vet mode, but stealth, mission impossible mode; still the motivational motto remained: “git ‘er done!”
We had secured our target in the home, but it was necessary to get her into the kennel area. We did not have a plan of attack for fear she would attack us. A dog’s bite is better than her bark. Without a word, Katherine and I moved as a team of cowboy hands gathering up their posse. We held her in a corner, but paused to think of our next step.
We could just grab her, get bitten, put her in the kennel, and go. (Katherine was willing; I didn’t want to touch the dirty dog.)
We could lure her with treats. (She wasn’t accepting the treats.)
We could lasso her with a leash and lead her to the kennel. (Once a leash was located it was a brilliant idea.)
And so, that is just what we did. Katherine found a leash, lassoed it around her neck, and led her into the kennel. I made sure to supply her with some treats. I did feel as if we needed to establish friendly relations. Always room for a bit of political niceties.
And so, there is our doggly adventure. Probably not TRULY worth the reading, but it afforded me the chance to write a story. Just remember, if ever you are in need call the one’s who know:
Canine Country Comfort – Where your dog comes home to the country!
This is a non-fiction tale produced from yesterday’s experiences. Some of the circumstances told disclose less than delicate matters. Although some portions of this day retold may be grotesque in the minds of those with weak constitutions; many of the strong (and slightly unruly) may (or may not) have a good chuckle from reading the following tale.
Tale Told:
It all started when we entered the home of the four dogs Katherine was to care for. The drive over had been pleasant enough. We had been grooving and singing along to such songs as “The Deadwood Stage,” “Ain’t We Got Fun,” and some song performed by Bulldog…or Pitbull. All in all, the drive afforded us an entertaining groove and a nice stretch of the vocal cords. We were still laughing and living off the vibe of the “Calamity Jane” tunes as Katherine turned the key in the lock. Our attention was suddenly removed from our happiness as we stepped into the home. Immediately, our nostrils were affronted by a smell of wet-dog, organic cleaner, and doodoo. (I did warn that this story is NOT for the faint-hearted.) Something like a bad attitude began to wash over our beings. “What IS that smell?” “Where are the dogs?” “What IS that smell?!” “Where is the one who is pregnant?” “What is that SMELL?!!” “Which one won’t come back inside?” The dogs were pretty energized to see us as well; one greeted us with a dark growl.
Katherine opened the gate for the pregnant poochie. She (the pregnant poochie) was pretty sweet. I pet her for a bit and then encouraged her to get herself outside rather than choosing to release in the house. The other three dogs soon followed suit. Two out of the four dogs were pleasant enough. They let us pet them. The other two were barking in high, screechy voices. “Just go potty and stop BARKING!” We retreated inside the house hoping this would give them the freedom to take care of business.
After a few minutes we returned to the dogs to find a sickly thing extending from the back end of the smallest dog. You can guess what it was. Hopefully your guess will be accurate because that is what the majority of this story will be about. It was (not for the fainthearted) it was a mound-up- matted-in-hair-thick-stinky-freshly-made piece of canine fecal matter. I tell you, put yourselves in the dog’s position. How would you feel if you were a small, terrier puppy, no more than 4 months old with this thing that could not be removed from you? You would be a bit distressed, I am sure. Wanting to help him, Katherine and I began to massage his rump. This seemed to help a bit, but was not effective enough. Feeling the pressure of time (we had to go to the bank before it closed, to the grocery store for dinner items, and possibly even the library for an item of Katherine’s,) Katherine pulled out a small 5-square piece of toilet paper and passed it to my hand. As she held the dog in mid-air, I tried to remove the stress-giving item. It wasn’t going anywhere. The smell was diffusing and time was running out. Katherine returned the puppy to the earth and we tried to round up the other dogs. Got the pregnant one? Check. Got the troubled one? Check. Got the barker? Check. Got the one who won’t come inside even for its masters? Uuuh…no. Katherine began to call her name. I was trying to jiggle the treats in a bag; trying to lure the blessed animal inside the home so we could leave before the bank closed. This is a disobedient dog. She would not come. We almost had her, but she ran away when she saw us. I told Katherine we would have to leave her outside. We would come back for her after our errands were completed. I tried to comfort Katherine’s fears by assuring her that evil pets never run away. The way of escape evades them, (unlike precious pets who sometimes experience horrible deaths…like death by coyote).
And so we left to return.
It took us no longer than 50 minutes to complete our errands and return to the dogs. We were hoping the evil one had not runaway and that the tootsie log had been defecated. One out of two hopes were ours. As I had foretold, the rebellious one had not runaway. The tootsie roll, however; was still clinging on. If it was possible, it also seemed to have grown. I approached this situation with a resolute soul: get the duty done. Can’t find gloves? Don’t need ‘em. Found some paper towels? Rip a couple and let’s git ‘er done. Before beginning the surgery we let all the dogs out, trying to give the small one a final go at independently relieving himself. From the evidences left on the porch, he seemed to be progressing, but not as we hoped. Katherine began to pressure-massage his intestines once again, but the time had come. The surgery had to begin. I mentally plugged my nostrils before applying my paper-towel-protected fingers to the problem at hand. And then, it was time to finish his business. Once again, Katherine held the poor pooch extended in mid-air. I could feel the tension coursing through the puppy’s body. This was not a story to tell his litter-mates. As I began pulling and poking at the hardened fecal matter, I suddenly felt myself begin to transform into a vet. This was no longer a disgusting situation, but an interesting circumstance of life. I did not want to hurt my patient. I pulled on. It didn’t really seem to move. I didn’t know how hard to pull. I didn’t want to hurt the poor canine’s body. And yet, I continued pulling until the mission was accomplished. The puppy seemed to be SO relieved. Still in my vet mind mode, I inspected him to be sure all would be well. From my pretty extensive knowledge of dog anatomy, all seemed to be well. Katherine, once again, returned him to the earth and admired the success of our surgery. Our patient had been restored to a full and happy life.
As an act of great benevolence, we let them play for some moments. Mr. Pooper was jumping right back into life and the pregnant dog just wanted to be pet. We accommodated them both. After awhile, we decided it was time to pack the four up again. The rebellious dog was resolute as ever. She would not enter the house. We jiggled the bag of treats. We left the door wide open. We waited. At last, entered she; the disobedient doggy. “Close the door!!” Katherine yelled in a whisper. I obeyed. I was no longer in vet mode, but stealth, mission impossible mode; still the motivational motto remained: “git ‘er done!”
We had secured our target in the home, but it was necessary to get her into the kennel area. We did not have a plan of attack for fear she would attack us. A dog’s bite is better than her bark. Without a word, Katherine and I moved as a team of cowboy hands gathering up their posse. We held her in a corner, but paused to think of our next step.
We could just grab her, get bitten, put her in the kennel, and go. (Katherine was willing; I didn’t want to touch the dirty dog.)
We could lure her with treats. (She wasn’t accepting the treats.)
We could lasso her with a leash and lead her to the kennel. (Once a leash was located it was a brilliant idea.)
And so, that is just what we did. Katherine found a leash, lassoed it around her neck, and led her into the kennel. I made sure to supply her with some treats. I did feel as if we needed to establish friendly relations. Always room for a bit of political niceties.
And so, there is our doggly adventure. Probably not TRULY worth the reading, but it afforded me the chance to write a story. Just remember, if ever you are in need call the one’s who know:
Canine Country Comfort – Where your dog comes home to the country!
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Editing the "Oh to see" Post
First, I want to edit some of my writings in “Oh to see my name written in His wounds.” I felt a little “awkward” about the ponderings I included in there even when I posted it. I couldn’t tell if they were blasphemous or not. I concluded they were NOT blasphemous, and so chose to post them, but I would still like to clarify.
I don’t want to take away from the horrible pain, suffering, and agony the Lord was experiencing on the cross. He experienced the wrath of God, separation from God, and the physical pain of being abused in the flesh. That is agony.
Yes, even the death on the cross can be included in why He was feeling agony. “Probably not agony. Discomfort, but…”
I shouldn’t have used the weak term of “discomfort.” I was trying to highlight the difference in pain between the physical cross and the spiritual anguish, but discomfort is not proper.
“Then look at His words and actions after praying. He is in control of Himself and brings glory to the Father. We never hear of Him being in agony again – not even when He is hanging on the cross. Perhaps on the cross He is the most in control of His words and actions; knowing this is the fulfillment of His Father’s will.”
I don’t like the way this sits. True, we don’t hear of Him being in agony again, but He must have been. He was SEPARATED from the close relationship of THE TRINITY!!!! He was (as Zimmer’s sermons have recently highlighted), experiencing the guilt and sorrow of OUR sin. He experienced God’s WRATH the stored up WRATH of GOD – the Just.
And yes, He is in CONTROL of His words and actions. As I ponder it more even now -- amazing how controlled he was.
He was no longer sweating blood, but He was pouring blood from His wounds.
See how amazing His obedience is. See His love for the Father!! (Love is obedience; obedience is love.)
“I am going to conjecture that He was earnestly praying for His will to be conformed to the Father’s.”
Just let me say, “duh”. That is what the Bible SAYS. He prayed, “not my will, but Yours be done.” And then returned and prayed again. Of course that is what He was praying! How could anyone (I) think otherwise?!!
So there are my edits. PLEASE, if ever I try to post in that manner again; tell me if I am off. I like "searching" and probing and thinking, so please if I am wrong -- TELL ME!!!!!
Thank you.
I don’t want to take away from the horrible pain, suffering, and agony the Lord was experiencing on the cross. He experienced the wrath of God, separation from God, and the physical pain of being abused in the flesh. That is agony.
Yes, even the death on the cross can be included in why He was feeling agony. “Probably not agony. Discomfort, but…”
I shouldn’t have used the weak term of “discomfort.” I was trying to highlight the difference in pain between the physical cross and the spiritual anguish, but discomfort is not proper.
“Then look at His words and actions after praying. He is in control of Himself and brings glory to the Father. We never hear of Him being in agony again – not even when He is hanging on the cross. Perhaps on the cross He is the most in control of His words and actions; knowing this is the fulfillment of His Father’s will.”
I don’t like the way this sits. True, we don’t hear of Him being in agony again, but He must have been. He was SEPARATED from the close relationship of THE TRINITY!!!! He was (as Zimmer’s sermons have recently highlighted), experiencing the guilt and sorrow of OUR sin. He experienced God’s WRATH the stored up WRATH of GOD – the Just.
And yes, He is in CONTROL of His words and actions. As I ponder it more even now -- amazing how controlled he was.
He was no longer sweating blood, but He was pouring blood from His wounds.
See how amazing His obedience is. See His love for the Father!! (Love is obedience; obedience is love.)
“I am going to conjecture that He was earnestly praying for His will to be conformed to the Father’s.”
Just let me say, “duh”. That is what the Bible SAYS. He prayed, “not my will, but Yours be done.” And then returned and prayed again. Of course that is what He was praying! How could anyone (I) think otherwise?!!
So there are my edits. PLEASE, if ever I try to post in that manner again; tell me if I am off. I like "searching" and probing and thinking, so please if I am wrong -- TELL ME!!!!!
Thank you.
Portrait of an Old Woman
Smooth and pudgy are the fingers that hold the mirror. Age spots and wrinkles are sprinkled around the veins that pop out across the back of her hand. These hands that have cared for and loved many, these hands that were once strong are now filled with arthritic pains that strain their use. These hands are not what they once were, nor is the reflection shown in the mirror. Her face seems to have lost its color; at times it seems she has been sprinkled with flour. The cheeks which were once called bright and vibrant now droop below her jaw like the loose jowls of a bird dog. They seem to prove the law of gravity. She looks at the creases across her forehead, wondering how they so quickly multiplied. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes give her hope: they are a testimony to her times of joy. They are a testament to the time she gave for laughter and smiles. She then takes time to look into her eyes. They are still blue. They still sparkle. No longer are they framed with eye-shadow, mascara, or eye-liner, but they still communicate to the world around her. Their ability to function properly may have diminished, but their shine still remains; though now they tend to reveal length of days and occasional weariness.
A stray, white hair hangs in front of her face. She slowly raises the grandmotherly hand to brush it away. What color was her hair in her youth? That shade has long since vanished, but she is not saddened. She has hair that is white as the new fallen snow and it speaks of the years the Lord has given her to learn wisdom and patience. It speaks of her life as a vapor. It reminds her to look forward to that day when she will see her Lord face-to-face and be known as He knows her. It reminds her that though this life has brought fires to prove the quality of her faith, she will see Him and know Him and be known by Him and be made as He is. He will take away her pain.
She sets down the mirror and chuckles at the fat that swings on the back of her arm. Another proof of gravity; she never wanted it to come.
She sighs as she realizes she needs to call for someone to help her use the toilet and wash herself.
No, no, she will not give in to the temptation of frustration and discontent. She will wait patiently on the Lord. She will love Him and depend on Him – even to death He will be her guide. Even to death she will be His servant. Oh how she longs for that day! May she finish the race with perseverance! May He bring the end of her race quickly; come Lord Jesus.
I greatly love and admire old people. I long to be old. Those who are old will mock me. Those who are young will accuse me of lunacy. There was a time when I delighted in the idea of joining the Red Hat Society. There are times when I pray that I will be one who is able to make it to the days of white hairs. I don’t want to experience all that old age has to offer (I am almost certain that if I live to be in my eighties or beyond...I will probably have Alzheimer's or Dementia), but I want to belong in the “mature and aging” group. I am not opposed if “to be aged” is not in the Father’s will for my life, but I hope it is. I would like to be a testimony to Him to the young people around me.
I have already made myself a list of helpful things to remember:
--I MUST have young friends who will tell me when I stink. I will not be offended by their comments and then my visiting guests will not be repelled by my stench either.
--I also plan to have shoulder-length hair, wear large-brimmed hats, and bright, flower-print dresses.
--I would like to be a respected eccentric.
--I want to be the neighborhood grandma.
--I would love to tell stories to the children and smile at the young people and hold their faces in my wrinkled hands.
I just love old people. They have so much to teach us. They have so much from which we can learn – even if they have led horrid lives; they will teach us the consequences of wicked choices. How clear I see in elderly people’s attitudes the principle of, “what you sow you shall also reap.” I want to be a PATIENT and SELF-CONTROLED and CONTENT and KIND old person. I want to share Jesus with the others at my retirement center. I want to smile at the other ailing people and look forward to my soon-to-be-given-pain-free body!!! Oh, dreams…
A stray, white hair hangs in front of her face. She slowly raises the grandmotherly hand to brush it away. What color was her hair in her youth? That shade has long since vanished, but she is not saddened. She has hair that is white as the new fallen snow and it speaks of the years the Lord has given her to learn wisdom and patience. It speaks of her life as a vapor. It reminds her to look forward to that day when she will see her Lord face-to-face and be known as He knows her. It reminds her that though this life has brought fires to prove the quality of her faith, she will see Him and know Him and be known by Him and be made as He is. He will take away her pain.
She sets down the mirror and chuckles at the fat that swings on the back of her arm. Another proof of gravity; she never wanted it to come.
She sighs as she realizes she needs to call for someone to help her use the toilet and wash herself.
No, no, she will not give in to the temptation of frustration and discontent. She will wait patiently on the Lord. She will love Him and depend on Him – even to death He will be her guide. Even to death she will be His servant. Oh how she longs for that day! May she finish the race with perseverance! May He bring the end of her race quickly; come Lord Jesus.
I greatly love and admire old people. I long to be old. Those who are old will mock me. Those who are young will accuse me of lunacy. There was a time when I delighted in the idea of joining the Red Hat Society. There are times when I pray that I will be one who is able to make it to the days of white hairs. I don’t want to experience all that old age has to offer (I am almost certain that if I live to be in my eighties or beyond...I will probably have Alzheimer's or Dementia), but I want to belong in the “mature and aging” group. I am not opposed if “to be aged” is not in the Father’s will for my life, but I hope it is. I would like to be a testimony to Him to the young people around me.
I have already made myself a list of helpful things to remember:
--I MUST have young friends who will tell me when I stink. I will not be offended by their comments and then my visiting guests will not be repelled by my stench either.
--I also plan to have shoulder-length hair, wear large-brimmed hats, and bright, flower-print dresses.
--I would like to be a respected eccentric.
--I want to be the neighborhood grandma.
--I would love to tell stories to the children and smile at the young people and hold their faces in my wrinkled hands.
I just love old people. They have so much to teach us. They have so much from which we can learn – even if they have led horrid lives; they will teach us the consequences of wicked choices. How clear I see in elderly people’s attitudes the principle of, “what you sow you shall also reap.” I want to be a PATIENT and SELF-CONTROLED and CONTENT and KIND old person. I want to share Jesus with the others at my retirement center. I want to smile at the other ailing people and look forward to my soon-to-be-given-pain-free body!!! Oh, dreams…
Second Graders and Swine Flu
“We’re all going to DIE!!”
That is one of the first comments my students made as they entered the classroom Friday morning. Spring fever-like energy has already captured the minds and bodies of my little dears and the Swine Flu buzz did nothing to calm them down. Sweatshirts were pulled over noses and mouths.
“My mom says that I cannot breathe in the other germs.”
Another child pulled her hands inside of her jacket to grab a chair and pencil. When asked to take her hands out in order to properly take her chair for the morning she replied, “My mom says I can’t touch things the other kids have touched.”
Well guess what? You can’t hold your chair in that precarious manner either. The metal legs have fewer germs on them. Touch the chair with your bare hands.
The same child then took the disinfectant hand rub to cleanse her pencil before she used it. “My mom said…”
Yes, yes, I know, but our classroom must still FUNCTION with some amount of normalcy. You must have some germs to live.
After a good time talking about how to cough, how to blow one’s nose, how to cleanse one’s hands, what a virus is, etc, etc we then turned to God’s Word.
Our memory verse for last week was 1st John 5:11-12, “And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have life.”
So we spoke about who is in control, who has a plan, who we can trust. Who has already defeated death?! If anyone dies, who can we still trust?
We then moved to God’s will for our lives based on another memory verse from a previous week, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1st Thessalonians 5:16-18) And another one, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
Can we be worried anytime? NO! When we are worried, what does God tell us to do? PRAY! And what will He do for us? GUARD our hearts with PEACE! Who can we trust? JESUS!!! What can we thank Him for?
It didn’t help that during this conversation, though at the beginning, a student raised his hand to add, “You know, 1,050 people died in Texas from the Swine flu.”
Not QUITE…and not so loud, sir.
That is one of the first comments my students made as they entered the classroom Friday morning. Spring fever-like energy has already captured the minds and bodies of my little dears and the Swine Flu buzz did nothing to calm them down. Sweatshirts were pulled over noses and mouths.
“My mom says that I cannot breathe in the other germs.”
Another child pulled her hands inside of her jacket to grab a chair and pencil. When asked to take her hands out in order to properly take her chair for the morning she replied, “My mom says I can’t touch things the other kids have touched.”
Well guess what? You can’t hold your chair in that precarious manner either. The metal legs have fewer germs on them. Touch the chair with your bare hands.
The same child then took the disinfectant hand rub to cleanse her pencil before she used it. “My mom said…”
Yes, yes, I know, but our classroom must still FUNCTION with some amount of normalcy. You must have some germs to live.
After a good time talking about how to cough, how to blow one’s nose, how to cleanse one’s hands, what a virus is, etc, etc we then turned to God’s Word.
Our memory verse for last week was 1st John 5:11-12, “And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have life.”
So we spoke about who is in control, who has a plan, who we can trust. Who has already defeated death?! If anyone dies, who can we still trust?
We then moved to God’s will for our lives based on another memory verse from a previous week, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1st Thessalonians 5:16-18) And another one, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
Can we be worried anytime? NO! When we are worried, what does God tell us to do? PRAY! And what will He do for us? GUARD our hearts with PEACE! Who can we trust? JESUS!!! What can we thank Him for?
It didn’t help that during this conversation, though at the beginning, a student raised his hand to add, “You know, 1,050 people died in Texas from the Swine flu.”
Not QUITE…and not so loud, sir.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Oh to see my name written in His wounds
“And there appeared to Him an angel from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in an agony He prayed more earnestly; and His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 22:43-44)
What must it have been like for the angel? Here is your God who you have seen in glory. You know His glory, you know who He is and what the flesh is. You are ministering to Him in His time of agony. God is not supposed to experience agony. God is not supposed to take on the sins of man. God is not supposed to be in the form of man. But God has chosen to do this and you have been sent by the Father to minister to the Son. (They must “understand” the Trinity, right?)
The paradox is of the creature strengthening its Creator; giving strength to the One who has chosen to give it life.
And yet, Jesus was still in agony.
Would that have affected the angel? Was the angel sorrowful about this – that He could do nothing to relieve his God? Does it matter? Eh, probably not. Perhaps it helps my mind with the correct mind of worship. The angels (do they love?) worship. The angels glorify Him always. The angels long to look into salvation. The angels must think we are ridiculous and yet they would not because of the position given to us by the Father.
Jesus was still in agony. What was His response to His agony? Continued prayer. More EARNEST prayer. What is the point of prayer? To bring our requests before God, but to change our will to His. Is that why Jesus prayed more earnestly? Was He pressing to have His will conform to the Father? “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42) Do I earnestly pray in order to have my will conformed to His? I don’t think Jesus was earnestly praying for the Father to change His (the Father's) mind. He could have been earnestly praying for strength, but the angel was there to do that. Was He in agony over the earthly pain? Probably not agony. Discomfort, but (as I am repeating from teachers) the pain of sin and separation from God was the agony. He – the God of all the universe, the Word, the Alpha and the Omega – knows the depths and depravity of sin. He knew what He was about to undertake. He knew the Father’s will. Taking the cup away would have prevented Him from needing to experience the agony. But He pursued the will of the Father. I am going to conjecture that He was earnestly praying for His will to be conformed to the Father’s.
Have I ever done that?
What would I have wanted to do? Thinking about all the walking and the scourging and the carrying…I would have wanted to sleep. How tired Jesus must have been from the previous weeks, days, activities, debates, sorrow, teaching, rebuking, but He does not have an earthly focus. He does not look to sleep (as do His disciples) for rest or comfort. He looks to the Father. He prays more earnestly, He chooses to give up sleep to make sure that He is clinging to the Father. He is not even comforted by the angel. He is strengthened by the angel. What does that mean? “Strengethened” as opposed to “comforted”? (I do not have a dictionary close by…oh wait! There is one near.)
Then look at His words and actions after praying. He is in control of Himself and brings glory to the Father. We never hear of Him being in agony again – not even when He is hanging on the cross. Perhaps on the cross He is the most in control of His words and actions; knowing this is the fulfillment of His Father’s will.
I have never pondered these things before. Where did His strength come from? I have always “subconsciously” assumed it didn’t come – He is God. This is why He came to earth, so He was just continuing on. But that can’t be fully so when you look at the picture in the garden. The angel came to strengthen Him, but He was still in agony. Did the angel give Him the strength He needed? Was the angel not there to help with the agony? That strength was from God. That strength was Jesus choosing to be conformed and allowing Himself to be conformed to God’s will – to be obedient to death even death on the cross. What amazing self-control and purpose He had. Would sleep have given Him that? No. His will was conformed to the will of His Father. He was humbly obedient. He was submissive.
What must it have been like for the angel? Here is your God who you have seen in glory. You know His glory, you know who He is and what the flesh is. You are ministering to Him in His time of agony. God is not supposed to experience agony. God is not supposed to take on the sins of man. God is not supposed to be in the form of man. But God has chosen to do this and you have been sent by the Father to minister to the Son. (They must “understand” the Trinity, right?)
The paradox is of the creature strengthening its Creator; giving strength to the One who has chosen to give it life.
And yet, Jesus was still in agony.
Would that have affected the angel? Was the angel sorrowful about this – that He could do nothing to relieve his God? Does it matter? Eh, probably not. Perhaps it helps my mind with the correct mind of worship. The angels (do they love?) worship. The angels glorify Him always. The angels long to look into salvation. The angels must think we are ridiculous and yet they would not because of the position given to us by the Father.
Jesus was still in agony. What was His response to His agony? Continued prayer. More EARNEST prayer. What is the point of prayer? To bring our requests before God, but to change our will to His. Is that why Jesus prayed more earnestly? Was He pressing to have His will conform to the Father? “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42) Do I earnestly pray in order to have my will conformed to His? I don’t think Jesus was earnestly praying for the Father to change His (the Father's) mind. He could have been earnestly praying for strength, but the angel was there to do that. Was He in agony over the earthly pain? Probably not agony. Discomfort, but (as I am repeating from teachers) the pain of sin and separation from God was the agony. He – the God of all the universe, the Word, the Alpha and the Omega – knows the depths and depravity of sin. He knew what He was about to undertake. He knew the Father’s will. Taking the cup away would have prevented Him from needing to experience the agony. But He pursued the will of the Father. I am going to conjecture that He was earnestly praying for His will to be conformed to the Father’s.
Have I ever done that?
What would I have wanted to do? Thinking about all the walking and the scourging and the carrying…I would have wanted to sleep. How tired Jesus must have been from the previous weeks, days, activities, debates, sorrow, teaching, rebuking, but He does not have an earthly focus. He does not look to sleep (as do His disciples) for rest or comfort. He looks to the Father. He prays more earnestly, He chooses to give up sleep to make sure that He is clinging to the Father. He is not even comforted by the angel. He is strengthened by the angel. What does that mean? “Strengethened” as opposed to “comforted”? (I do not have a dictionary close by…oh wait! There is one near.)
Then look at His words and actions after praying. He is in control of Himself and brings glory to the Father. We never hear of Him being in agony again – not even when He is hanging on the cross. Perhaps on the cross He is the most in control of His words and actions; knowing this is the fulfillment of His Father’s will.
I have never pondered these things before. Where did His strength come from? I have always “subconsciously” assumed it didn’t come – He is God. This is why He came to earth, so He was just continuing on. But that can’t be fully so when you look at the picture in the garden. The angel came to strengthen Him, but He was still in agony. Did the angel give Him the strength He needed? Was the angel not there to help with the agony? That strength was from God. That strength was Jesus choosing to be conformed and allowing Himself to be conformed to God’s will – to be obedient to death even death on the cross. What amazing self-control and purpose He had. Would sleep have given Him that? No. His will was conformed to the will of His Father. He was humbly obedient. He was submissive.
Quality Splinters from Cedars of Lebanon
His voice turns the cedars of Lebanon to splinters. I endeavored to imagine this. Even though imagining God is frustrating for me because it seems to be pointless (He tells us He is beyond our imaginings); I wanted to focus on one part of Him.
I began creating a visual in my mind. While driving to work I began looking at the trees I was passing and started to image them exploding into so many different pieces. That was pretty awe-inspiring because I began thinking that the trees I was passing are like twigs in comparison to the cedars of Lebanon.
My imaginings continued as I began to visualize huge lips blowing on the trees and then the trees exploding as the lips breathed on them.
That continued until I suddenly realized (no, not that He doesn’t have lips, I know that), but that it says, “His voice” turns the cedars of Lebanon to splinters. He does not require the movement of air to disassemble the trees. He doesn’t require the use of a voice box. If He would but speak from His eternal throne, they would break into splinters.
That then caused me (after some days) to think about the explode part. Would they explode or would they implode? Imploding, to me, implies more of a liquefying, an internal break down. Exploding would send the tree pieces flying. The tree is reacting to God. Humans bow. We fall before Him, we collapse. Bowing for a tree wouldn’t be chucking all parts through all of creation, but would be falling to pieces before His splendor.
Falling to pieces before His splendor. The mountains melt before Him. The MOUNTAINS. I tried to imagine those melting as I drove to school.
I then began pondering why He chooses to “hide” Himself. He must. In our sinful state He must reveal Himself in little pieces in order to protect us. All creation seeks to fall at His feet in reverential-awe, in fear, in knowing that He is worthy of anything and everything and we are nothing expect what He has chosen to make us. Our atoms would seek to fall before Him (I would assume so – if the mountains melt and the trees splinter up.)
It is His lovingkindness that chooses to take away from HIS glory and HIS name in order to ...Philippians 2. That He would lower Himself to flesh so that we COULD know Him and see Him. That He would enter flesh to defeat sin on its own territory in the flesh!! That He could manifest Himself to us. That He would be glorified.
“I will extol you, my God and King, and bless Your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless You and praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. They shall speak of the might of Your awesome deeds, and I will declare Your greatness. They shall pour forth the fame of Your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and His mercy is over all that He has made. All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord, and all Your saints will bless You! They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom and tell of Your power, to make known to the children of man Your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom and your dominion endures throughout all generations. The Lord is faithful in all His words and kind in all His works. The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He also hears their cry and saves them. The Lord preserves all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless His holy name forever and ever.”
Psalm 145
(I then tried to imagine a huge pile of splinters. How many feet of splinters would a cedar of Lebanon make? I do not know. Another frustrating thing to imagine.)
I began creating a visual in my mind. While driving to work I began looking at the trees I was passing and started to image them exploding into so many different pieces. That was pretty awe-inspiring because I began thinking that the trees I was passing are like twigs in comparison to the cedars of Lebanon.
My imaginings continued as I began to visualize huge lips blowing on the trees and then the trees exploding as the lips breathed on them.
That continued until I suddenly realized (no, not that He doesn’t have lips, I know that), but that it says, “His voice” turns the cedars of Lebanon to splinters. He does not require the movement of air to disassemble the trees. He doesn’t require the use of a voice box. If He would but speak from His eternal throne, they would break into splinters.
That then caused me (after some days) to think about the explode part. Would they explode or would they implode? Imploding, to me, implies more of a liquefying, an internal break down. Exploding would send the tree pieces flying. The tree is reacting to God. Humans bow. We fall before Him, we collapse. Bowing for a tree wouldn’t be chucking all parts through all of creation, but would be falling to pieces before His splendor.
Falling to pieces before His splendor. The mountains melt before Him. The MOUNTAINS. I tried to imagine those melting as I drove to school.
I then began pondering why He chooses to “hide” Himself. He must. In our sinful state He must reveal Himself in little pieces in order to protect us. All creation seeks to fall at His feet in reverential-awe, in fear, in knowing that He is worthy of anything and everything and we are nothing expect what He has chosen to make us. Our atoms would seek to fall before Him (I would assume so – if the mountains melt and the trees splinter up.)
It is His lovingkindness that chooses to take away from HIS glory and HIS name in order to ...Philippians 2. That He would lower Himself to flesh so that we COULD know Him and see Him. That He would enter flesh to defeat sin on its own territory in the flesh!! That He could manifest Himself to us. That He would be glorified.
“I will extol you, my God and King, and bless Your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless You and praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. They shall speak of the might of Your awesome deeds, and I will declare Your greatness. They shall pour forth the fame of Your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and His mercy is over all that He has made. All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord, and all Your saints will bless You! They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom and tell of Your power, to make known to the children of man Your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom and your dominion endures throughout all generations. The Lord is faithful in all His words and kind in all His works. The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He also hears their cry and saves them. The Lord preserves all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless His holy name forever and ever.”
Psalm 145
(I then tried to imagine a huge pile of splinters. How many feet of splinters would a cedar of Lebanon make? I do not know. Another frustrating thing to imagine.)
Oh Peter --
“And he went out and wept bitterly.” (Luke 22:62)
I cannot say that I know Peter’s bitterness, but I feel as though I could, possibly know it. How can I, at one moment, be so fired up for and about Jesus and His glory and living for Him and through Him and moments later, I choose to provoke my dad, or hit the dog in anger, or yell at a sister, or think mean thoughts about students, or to be a glutton and stuff myself with delightful delicacies?
I have wept in these weeks. It has been that bitter weeping; weeping while you realize your absolute failure in being able to live for Him. But that’s the whole point. The Spirit is our helper. The Spirit is our comfort. The Spirit knows our weaknesses and prays for us according to those weaknesses. Jesus is praying for us in our weaknesses. It is HIS working in us that will bring us to perfection. Only as I depend on Him.
And then there comes that confounded paradox!!! He is working in me and I am working out my salvation. I must choose to kill the old man, but I cannot do it all by myself. I must choose to live righteously and to abide in Him, but I cannot abide in Him if He will not work in me.
Perhaps that is trust.
hah! Eureka!
Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.
How true. As I obey I will trust. I will trust that He is working my obedience through me. I will trust that He has supplied me with all His riches through Jesus. I will trust that He will bring me to completion. I will trust that He will kill me whenever and not until He has deemed it to be my needed time on this earth (through all the processes of refining and growing). I will trust that I will then see the results and ultimate revealing of reality in eternity. HALLELUJAH!!! (May that day come so quickly and may I not want it for lazy reasons.)
…Trust is another one of my struggles…How can I trust what I cannot understand?
(My reply to myself): You just do. In that reasoning you want to trust in your own understanding. Don’t do it – Proverbs 3:5-6. Exert faith and trust in Him knowing that there is no shadow or turning in Him. Take courage in the cloud of witnesses.
I cannot say that I know Peter’s bitterness, but I feel as though I could, possibly know it. How can I, at one moment, be so fired up for and about Jesus and His glory and living for Him and through Him and moments later, I choose to provoke my dad, or hit the dog in anger, or yell at a sister, or think mean thoughts about students, or to be a glutton and stuff myself with delightful delicacies?
I have wept in these weeks. It has been that bitter weeping; weeping while you realize your absolute failure in being able to live for Him. But that’s the whole point. The Spirit is our helper. The Spirit is our comfort. The Spirit knows our weaknesses and prays for us according to those weaknesses. Jesus is praying for us in our weaknesses. It is HIS working in us that will bring us to perfection. Only as I depend on Him.
And then there comes that confounded paradox!!! He is working in me and I am working out my salvation. I must choose to kill the old man, but I cannot do it all by myself. I must choose to live righteously and to abide in Him, but I cannot abide in Him if He will not work in me.
Perhaps that is trust.
hah! Eureka!
Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.
How true. As I obey I will trust. I will trust that He is working my obedience through me. I will trust that He has supplied me with all His riches through Jesus. I will trust that He will bring me to completion. I will trust that He will kill me whenever and not until He has deemed it to be my needed time on this earth (through all the processes of refining and growing). I will trust that I will then see the results and ultimate revealing of reality in eternity. HALLELUJAH!!! (May that day come so quickly and may I not want it for lazy reasons.)
…Trust is another one of my struggles…How can I trust what I cannot understand?
(My reply to myself): You just do. In that reasoning you want to trust in your own understanding. Don’t do it – Proverbs 3:5-6. Exert faith and trust in Him knowing that there is no shadow or turning in Him. Take courage in the cloud of witnesses.
What I have Learned
I need to praise the Lord for my current delight in salvation and sanctification now. I will have more instances of entering that depressed and melancholy mode. That is my struggle. That is my battle. But praise Him for being able to rejoice now! May I continue to fight against my earthly focus (that is, my self-focus).
Again I see that I cannot comprehend all, but I know I must cling to and trust. If I try to understand all puzzles – that is when I look away from Jesus and look to a deformed version of “Him.” (That results in frustration and bitterness.)
I am no one else. I will never be John Calvin, or Charles Spurgeon, or Jonathon Edwards, or Jim Elliot, or Katherine Martin, or Cherilyn Martin, or Sean Higgins, or Grace Mark, or Andrew Mark, or even their helper named Grace who came from Canada. Never.
First, for the men in that list, I cannot be a man. Second, God has made me Alicia Martin for some purpose and I must trust Him in that. He has given me my strengths and weaknesses for His glory and my good – knitting me in my inmost being, knowing me better than I know myself, continuing the process for my good, dying for me that I might know Him who is true and be IN Him who is true. Looking forward to the day when I will see Him as He truly IS and know Him as I am known and I will be like Him.
I am lazy and do not want to struggle. I don’t have much endurance and I don’t like trying to persevere. But praise be to God who has NOT given me over to my fleshly desires, but continues to sharpen and mold me – even when I would prefer that He would just end me.
I have asked to be put into His refining fire repeatedly.
I hadn’t noticed any fire before. I had noticed refining, some little bits of fire here and there last year, but most refining for (especially) three years has been gentle and illuminating (in terms of drawing me closer to Him and seeing our relationship as it should be.) But now, I believe I can say that I have experienced (for me in my race) a fire. Compared to others, it is nothing. It’s like cooling ashes. But I am seeing more sin as never before. PRAISE HIM for being willing to take away my dross. Praise Him for His patience with my stubborn-headed rebellion. (Didn’t He have enough stiff-necked people with Israel? And yet He still chose me. Maybe I remind Him of Israel.)
My failure never surprises the Lord, but He uses it to refine me. He uses it to humble me. He uses it to teach me. He uses it to cleanse me and to make me His spotless and blameless bride.
I have learned that seeing my sin in light of His glory and my salvation draws me closer to His word, and gives me a better understanding of how to fear Him in reverential awe rather than in slave-ish mode of duty.
I have learned that I can not be crushed and overwhelmed when He reveals necessary sin to me because He does not do it to condemn me. There is no longer condemnation for me. He does it to continue the purifying process with me. I can praise Him for it because it is His faithfulness and my way to serve Him. That is His will for my life.
I cannot dwell on my sin and be pre-salvation-Martin-Luther. I need to rest in the reality of:
A) He is not surprised
B) He has already given me His righteousness
C) He is ready to cleanse me from all unrighteousness when I confess
D) He is ready to work
E) He is my kind Master who loves me and cares for me
Again I see that I cannot comprehend all, but I know I must cling to and trust. If I try to understand all puzzles – that is when I look away from Jesus and look to a deformed version of “Him.” (That results in frustration and bitterness.)
I am no one else. I will never be John Calvin, or Charles Spurgeon, or Jonathon Edwards, or Jim Elliot, or Katherine Martin, or Cherilyn Martin, or Sean Higgins, or Grace Mark, or Andrew Mark, or even their helper named Grace who came from Canada. Never.
First, for the men in that list, I cannot be a man. Second, God has made me Alicia Martin for some purpose and I must trust Him in that. He has given me my strengths and weaknesses for His glory and my good – knitting me in my inmost being, knowing me better than I know myself, continuing the process for my good, dying for me that I might know Him who is true and be IN Him who is true. Looking forward to the day when I will see Him as He truly IS and know Him as I am known and I will be like Him.
I am lazy and do not want to struggle. I don’t have much endurance and I don’t like trying to persevere. But praise be to God who has NOT given me over to my fleshly desires, but continues to sharpen and mold me – even when I would prefer that He would just end me.
I have asked to be put into His refining fire repeatedly.
I hadn’t noticed any fire before. I had noticed refining, some little bits of fire here and there last year, but most refining for (especially) three years has been gentle and illuminating (in terms of drawing me closer to Him and seeing our relationship as it should be.) But now, I believe I can say that I have experienced (for me in my race) a fire. Compared to others, it is nothing. It’s like cooling ashes. But I am seeing more sin as never before. PRAISE HIM for being willing to take away my dross. Praise Him for His patience with my stubborn-headed rebellion. (Didn’t He have enough stiff-necked people with Israel? And yet He still chose me. Maybe I remind Him of Israel.)
My failure never surprises the Lord, but He uses it to refine me. He uses it to humble me. He uses it to teach me. He uses it to cleanse me and to make me His spotless and blameless bride.
I have learned that seeing my sin in light of His glory and my salvation draws me closer to His word, and gives me a better understanding of how to fear Him in reverential awe rather than in slave-ish mode of duty.
I have learned that I can not be crushed and overwhelmed when He reveals necessary sin to me because He does not do it to condemn me. There is no longer condemnation for me. He does it to continue the purifying process with me. I can praise Him for it because it is His faithfulness and my way to serve Him. That is His will for my life.
I cannot dwell on my sin and be pre-salvation-Martin-Luther. I need to rest in the reality of:
A) He is not surprised
B) He has already given me His righteousness
C) He is ready to cleanse me from all unrighteousness when I confess
D) He is ready to work
E) He is my kind Master who loves me and cares for me
Enter Fear's Second Mode
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places!!! That He has chosen us in order to conform us to the image of His Son. That He will complete the work He has started in us. That we walk, jog, run, strain in this life not to be the “bestest” saint out of the ones that have gone before, (I was also comparing my lack of righteousness to others), but because we look forward to Him who has ALREADY given us the victory. The strength of death is sin and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God who HAS given us the victory in our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
We don’t abound in works in order to make God pleased with us. Could we please God in the law? NO! Can we then please God (in our own strength) now? NO!
But THANKS BE TO GOD who has GIVEN US THE VICTORY through our LORD JESUS CHRIST.
We have the victory! We are perfect in standing. We wear His righteousness. Yay!! Hallelujah! I can confidently stand in His presence because there is now NO condemnation for me.
But, I do sin. I sin often. I sin in myriads of ways. Why continue on in this (earthly terms) everlasting battle?
--To glorify His name.
--Because He has prepared good works for us to walk in
--To lay hold of the PRIZE of eternal life
--To assure our hearts before Him
--To be a faithful servant
--To give our lives as sacrifices
--To minister to others
--To know Him more
--To let go of ourselves
--Because our labor is not in vain in the Lord!! YAYAYAYAY!!!!!
Knowing that this is NOT an everlasting battle. (We are but a vapor.)
Knowing that He has already given us the victory.
Knowing that we have the power of the Holy Spirit living and working inside us. (YAHOO!!!)
Knowing that He is working in and through us.
Knowing that He will not give us beyond what we are able to handle.
We don’t abound in works in order to make God pleased with us. Could we please God in the law? NO! Can we then please God (in our own strength) now? NO!
But THANKS BE TO GOD who has GIVEN US THE VICTORY through our LORD JESUS CHRIST.
We have the victory! We are perfect in standing. We wear His righteousness. Yay!! Hallelujah! I can confidently stand in His presence because there is now NO condemnation for me.
But, I do sin. I sin often. I sin in myriads of ways. Why continue on in this (earthly terms) everlasting battle?
--To glorify His name.
--Because He has prepared good works for us to walk in
--To lay hold of the PRIZE of eternal life
--To assure our hearts before Him
--To be a faithful servant
--To give our lives as sacrifices
--To minister to others
--To know Him more
--To let go of ourselves
--Because our labor is not in vain in the Lord!! YAYAYAYAY!!!!!
Knowing that this is NOT an everlasting battle. (We are but a vapor.)
Knowing that He has already given us the victory.
Knowing that we have the power of the Holy Spirit living and working inside us. (YAHOO!!!)
Knowing that He is working in and through us.
Knowing that He will not give us beyond what we are able to handle.
Fear's First Mode
This is the mode of fearing a harsh master. I work because I fear. I work out of fear of failure and disappointing the master. I suddenly came to realize that I was back to the legalist mode! I don’t think I have realized a re-entrance into that state of living since being at Capernwray. I lived a great chunk of my Christian life in the legalist, trying-to-please Him mode. In this recent stint, I felt anger against His requirements and frustration that I will never be perfect on this earth and I can never do anything from pure and holy motives. My sisters recently went to snow retreat where they were speaking of repentance and being a hot cup of zeal. I wanted to repent, I wanted to live for the Lord, but I was SO frustrated about that zeal part. I can’t keep the cup hot!!!!
There is the point.
While reading in Luke, I came across the parable of the talents. The application of that parable came upon me as never before. I realized that I was the man burying the one talent. My thoughts toward God were the same thoughts the man had toward the master. I knew that God is God and controller of all things. He has sown everything and so He CAN take what He wants and demand wherever He prefers to demand it.
Knowing this and seeing the impossibility of fulfilling His desires, I wanted to just stop. I wanted to bury my little talent because I was fearing out of a wrong perspective – sinful, self-focused, not understanding and accepting and realizing the love that God has poured out on us. I was choosing to forget the reality of salvation and I was choosing to not think right, true, and pure thoughts of His true character.
There is the point.
While reading in Luke, I came across the parable of the talents. The application of that parable came upon me as never before. I realized that I was the man burying the one talent. My thoughts toward God were the same thoughts the man had toward the master. I knew that God is God and controller of all things. He has sown everything and so He CAN take what He wants and demand wherever He prefers to demand it.
Knowing this and seeing the impossibility of fulfilling His desires, I wanted to just stop. I wanted to bury my little talent because I was fearing out of a wrong perspective – sinful, self-focused, not understanding and accepting and realizing the love that God has poured out on us. I was choosing to forget the reality of salvation and I was choosing to not think right, true, and pure thoughts of His true character.
A Closer Look at His Glory -- continuing the process
I have been trying to understand how to fear the Lord for ages now. I have been trying to separate myself from the need I have for humanity’s wisdom and replace it with the (far superior) wisdom of God. As I studied, contemplated, meditated on these ideas through the reading of Proverbs and Jerry Bridges’, The Joy of Fearing God, I found that I couldn’t change because I couldn’t try to imagine His greatness that I should be in awe of. I kept and keep praying that I would fear Him – as our relationship should make me fear. In the last month or so I have gone through some modes of fear. The first mode, I have seen before in my life and is a prison.
How Holy is His Name -- the process
And there I have to stop because I do NOT know the extent of His holiness. I cannot fathom who He is. That troubles me so much. When I know that there is no way I can imagine His greatness and it will even be CLOSE to His actual greatness, I tend to not make any efforts to imagine. I can’t do it, so why try? What can we say but He is holy.
We can put definitions with the word: perfect, separated, undefiled, all that is right and true and pure.
But those words have limitations.
Oh to be able to SEE.
(Selfish, selfish!! How can I be so self-centered when talking about HIS HOLINESS?!)
We can put definitions with the word: perfect, separated, undefiled, all that is right and true and pure.
But those words have limitations.
Oh to be able to SEE.
(Selfish, selfish!! How can I be so self-centered when talking about HIS HOLINESS?!)
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