The Failure

Why do I post this? I am not sure, but I do and here it is.

I failed to share the Gospel today. There was a woman at the Barnes and Noble bookstore. She was browsing books in the “Spiritual” section. The thought came across my mind to go over to her and just tell her that the New Age stuff could not save her. Jesus is the only way! But the words were a muddle in my mind and I didn’t think that God could want me to go interrupt her solitary reverie!?
Idiotic response. Let her burn in hell then, I might as well have said.

I have been praying and praying for her. May the Lord reach her soul even though I am a failure! The Lord does not need me, but perhaps He desired to use me? (God is sovereign.) And yet I also failed to fulfill my responsibility to preach.

I have just finished the book I started months ago, “Revolution in World Missions” by K. P. Yohannan. The beginning was better than the end. His overall point in the book is to try to convince you to support native missionaries rather than to go on the mission field yourself (speaking to the Western-rich culture, that is) for good, practical reasons I could expound upon at a later time. Throughout the vast majority of the book I agreed with his theological statements and the ideas expressed therein. He seems to be training them up to search the Scriptures, to know how to exposit the Scriptures, and then to go out and makes disciples and build up churches.
Why am I not doing this? Why could I not go up to that woman and tell her that JESUS CAN SAVE YOU! Four words – that’s all that was needed. I didn’t need to be eloquent. I have looked like a bigger idiot for obnoxious things I have done than if I would have just gone up and said those words. I don’t follow through. My biggest sin issue in life.

DISGUST! I even left the house having just read the first two chapters (and introduction) of “The Gospel and Personal Evangelism” by Mark Dever. I intend to finish that one sooner than I finished K. P.’s book. But what is the point of all this reading if I am not going to APPLY it? Something within me (my flesh!!) is afraid to apply it. WHY?!?! WHY!?!?!?! If only it would burn in my being as did God’s Words within Jeremiah. (Then I would just be a miserable, miserable creature.)

Sure, I tell my students about Jesus. That is safe. At times I communicate little bits to parents. That is my duty. Am I ready to shout it in the grocery store? Am I ready to stop the person at the bookstore? Am I willing to sit at the bus stop and talk to people? Apparently not.

How do I start these conversations?

How can I be so foolish?! Alicia Martin has trouble starting conversations?!! Purposeful conversations, yes. Idiot. Are you ashamed of the Gospel by which you have been saved? Do you believe in the REALITY of the Gospel by which you have been saved? For what have you been saved but to further the kingdom of God?!!

Why would the Lord choose to keep me longer on this earth when I fail? Perhaps to train me. Why bring me Home now when I am not fully refined? I pray that He would refine me. I want to be bold as a lion. I want to be able to stand on the rooftops and preach it to all those who pass by, but I am too concerned about the way I would appear to others. I, in fact, worship the opinion and approval of others toward me.

Repent and follow the Lord more fully.
Stop grieving the Holy Spirit by whom you have been sealed for the day of redemption! He is your power and He is the one who saves. We must be faithful to PREACH.

FAITHFUL to preach.

But I am faithless.

Yet, He is faithful.

As I read in Ephesians 3:16-21 because of the link in the Shepherding Weekly that made me read on Mr. Weinberg’s blog, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” Oh that I WOULD comprehend the dimensions of His love given for me! That I would be motivated by this reality in order to PREACH His word. That He would work this in me!!!!! I can’t even imagine preaching boldly. Will He do it? How much is it His working and my responsibility? How much of me is just sitting and being unwilling to move? (But, He doesn’t need me to preach. His desire is that I am fully satisfied in Him – not in my ability to perfect myself.)

It’s easy to preach the Gospel in easy circumstances: to homeless people, in the classroom, when people ask, when you know the Lord is pressuring you and you can do no other, but I need to be faithful in ALL.

Through prayer and supplication let our requests be made known to God. With THANKSGIVING! It is difficult for me to offer thanks at this point – thanks for my failure? I am sure I am will fail again. How can I give thanks for this wickedness? No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man, but God is faithful and will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able. Thanks for His character. Thanks that He IS faithful and will continue to use me and grow me. Thanks that He is SOVEREIGN and in CONTROL of all those He will bring to salvation. Thank You, Lord, for being in control. Thank You for preserving those You save! Thank You for Your salvation!!! Thank You for your birth as a LOWLY creature! Thank You for revealing Yourself to us. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for the patience You show towards me. Thank You for preparing me for some work. Thank You for giving me the Holy Spirit. Thank You for convicting me of my sin. Thank You for cleansing me of all unrighteousness and taking my sin away as far as the east is from the west. May I forget myself. May I fall at Your feet in worship.

Oh wretched man that I am, indeed!!!

But there is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. We are His children! If we are children, then we are heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, IF indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. Likewise, the Spirit helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit HIMSELF makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. All works according to HIS PURPOSE.
He is the One who works. We can only and MUST only work out what He has worked in. I know what I am fighting. I am fighting my will to do it my way. Let the Lord work. Be faithful to serve Him.

Be faithful!!!!

Rip off the flesh and put on His righteousness.

(Rip = tear, make to bleed, experience pain, suffer, lose my life for the sake of gaining His, deny my own pleasures, take away, temporarily break down, undo, pull with a strong force in order to break apart.)

So what am I ripping off?

Comfort…I think.