Funny Stories: Volume Two

This is the story of when we won the chapel banner for the first time. Let me first tell you that we had NOT won the chapel banner for months. This was necessary and right because we had not been able to sit still in the pews during the length of chapel. We were given the chapel banner this particular Wednesday because it had been too long and all the other classes had received it once...some had already receieved the award twice. As Mr. Lugg held up the banner, spoke the words of, "and this week we have awarded the chapel banner to...1A!"

SHOUTS of acclamation, bodies JUMPING out of their seats. My brain trying to think through a strategic plan of opperation: get students to the classroom.

They walked ahead of me outside the church and were waiting on the sidewalk.

As I approached them I heard the sound of words being chanted amongst them, “We won the chapel banner! We won the chapel banner! We won! We won! We won the chapel banner!!”

A riot! A riot! They will be swept away in the hype and energy of this chapel winning. Silence the crowd. Administration cannot witness a first grade riot! Quickly, I marched them across the street, past the other classes, down the stairs, and into the privacy of our classroom where they continued their crazy celebrations.

Do not fear, I did discipline them and tell them of their need to have self-control and not boast in their victories...but it was humorous to witness.

My drawings have "GREATLY" improved since the beginning of the year. This class is a group of artists. I have a few very good drawers. This means, I have high expectations to meet when doing illustrations and this also means that illustrations can be very useful during lessons. They capture the attention quickly and easily.

When I made them into soldiers for the Lord, I made armor for them to earn for their soldiers to wear. As I showcased my hand-designed armor (innerly sweating from the pressure of professional Star Wars/military-playing BOYS looking at my attempts to draw ARMOR and the need to IMPRESS them because this was supposed to be motivation for maintaining self-control), they began to ooh and awe at my ability to draw and design armor. I was delighted!! I may have found a new career!!

Hairy man Esau was another DELIGHT of mine to draw. They were SO confused about who Jacob, Esau, Issac, Rebekah, etc were. They had NO idea which ones were girls and which ones were boys. I decided to draw a picture on the whiteboard. I told them I was only going to draw stick people. (They expect nothing more from me. The real drawings are made by them. They understand this reality.) It was so much fun to hear their reactions as I used a red marker to draw Esau and then proceeded to cover his entire body with fuzzy hair. HAHAHA! I then, to my horror and delight, drew the game he had killed before coming in and selling his birthright. It was great. The deer was also a stick-like figure, hanging upside down. Before a boy even shouted out, "where's the blood?!" I began to draw the blood pouring from the animal's wound. HAHAHA! Proof that these boys are training me proper. From that lesson on, whenever we spoke of Esau, they need to see the man with the fuzzy red hair.

The FIRST time I drew something for them, it was a treehouse to show them how to write their letters properly. It was not meant to be an exact drawing. It had a roof, a couple lined walls, a trunk, and some branches to hold it up. As I went on to teach the handwriting lesson, a boy stopped me and said, "Wait Miss Martin! It's going to fall down. The branches won't hold it up. You need to make more branches." That was soon met with, "yeah, yeah, you need more branches." As I began to appease their needs for structurally accurate drawings, I was then told, "NO! That's not a BRANCH! That looks like a giraffe!!"
Can't please 'em. The treehouse is either not sufficiently supported, or it looks like a giraffe. Hmph.

Humorous Quotations:
“Miss Martin, I was just not MADE for singing. I was not made for this.”
“The Loud says to sing praises to His name. These are songs to praise Him. You will sing.”

Student: “I will be an inventor and I will invent a machine that tells the past and the future!
Teacher: “Oh?! But man does not know the future. That is for the Lord alone.”
Student: (smiling twinkle in his eye,) "Oh, yes."


This circumstance came upon us under GREAT distress.

Student: “NO!!! NO!!! Recess is not over. We must STOP TIME!! We must stop TIME!!!!” (arms flying, high, wailing voice.)

Teacher: (calmly, always calmly,) “You cannot stop time. The sun passes time, and you cannot control the sun.”

Student: “Well, then we will need to unite all mankind to build something that will reach the sun and stop it. We must STOP TIME!!!”

Teacher: (firmly, often it must be firmly -- especially with visions of Babel dancing in my mind,) "No, mankind is not powerful enough to stop the sun. God is the One who controls the sun. We cannot do what God can do."

Tears continued, but slowed as he re-entered the line heading to class from last recess.