Oh Peter --

“And he went out and wept bitterly.” (Luke 22:62)

I cannot say that I know Peter’s bitterness, but I feel as though I could, possibly know it. How can I, at one moment, be so fired up for and about Jesus and His glory and living for Him and through Him and moments later, I choose to provoke my dad, or hit the dog in anger, or yell at a sister, or think mean thoughts about students, or to be a glutton and stuff myself with delightful delicacies?

I have wept in these weeks. It has been that bitter weeping; weeping while you realize your absolute failure in being able to live for Him. But that’s the whole point. The Spirit is our helper. The Spirit is our comfort. The Spirit knows our weaknesses and prays for us according to those weaknesses. Jesus is praying for us in our weaknesses. It is HIS working in us that will bring us to perfection. Only as I depend on Him.

And then there comes that confounded paradox!!! He is working in me and I am working out my salvation. I must choose to kill the old man, but I cannot do it all by myself. I must choose to live righteously and to abide in Him, but I cannot abide in Him if He will not work in me.

Perhaps that is trust.

hah! Eureka!

Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.

How true. As I obey I will trust. I will trust that He is working my obedience through me. I will trust that He has supplied me with all His riches through Jesus. I will trust that He will bring me to completion. I will trust that He will kill me whenever and not until He has deemed it to be my needed time on this earth (through all the processes of refining and growing). I will trust that I will then see the results and ultimate revealing of reality in eternity. HALLELUJAH!!! (May that day come so quickly and may I not want it for lazy reasons.)

…Trust is another one of my struggles…How can I trust what I cannot understand?
(My reply to myself): You just do. In that reasoning you want to trust in your own understanding. Don’t do it – Proverbs 3:5-6. Exert faith and trust in Him knowing that there is no shadow or turning in Him. Take courage in the cloud of witnesses.