What I have Learned

I need to praise the Lord for my current delight in salvation and sanctification now. I will have more instances of entering that depressed and melancholy mode. That is my struggle. That is my battle. But praise Him for being able to rejoice now! May I continue to fight against my earthly focus (that is, my self-focus).

Again I see that I cannot comprehend all, but I know I must cling to and trust. If I try to understand all puzzles – that is when I look away from Jesus and look to a deformed version of “Him.” (That results in frustration and bitterness.)

I am no one else. I will never be John Calvin, or Charles Spurgeon, or Jonathon Edwards, or Jim Elliot, or Katherine Martin, or Cherilyn Martin, or Sean Higgins, or Grace Mark, or Andrew Mark, or even their helper named Grace who came from Canada. Never.
First, for the men in that list, I cannot be a man. Second, God has made me Alicia Martin for some purpose and I must trust Him in that. He has given me my strengths and weaknesses for His glory and my good – knitting me in my inmost being, knowing me better than I know myself, continuing the process for my good, dying for me that I might know Him who is true and be IN Him who is true. Looking forward to the day when I will see Him as He truly IS and know Him as I am known and I will be like Him.

I am lazy and do not want to struggle. I don’t have much endurance and I don’t like trying to persevere. But praise be to God who has NOT given me over to my fleshly desires, but continues to sharpen and mold me – even when I would prefer that He would just end me.

I have asked to be put into His refining fire repeatedly.
I hadn’t noticed any fire before. I had noticed refining, some little bits of fire here and there last year, but most refining for (especially) three years has been gentle and illuminating (in terms of drawing me closer to Him and seeing our relationship as it should be.) But now, I believe I can say that I have experienced (for me in my race) a fire. Compared to others, it is nothing. It’s like cooling ashes. But I am seeing more sin as never before. PRAISE HIM for being willing to take away my dross. Praise Him for His patience with my stubborn-headed rebellion. (Didn’t He have enough stiff-necked people with Israel? And yet He still chose me. Maybe I remind Him of Israel.)

My failure never surprises the Lord, but He uses it to refine me. He uses it to humble me. He uses it to teach me. He uses it to cleanse me and to make me His spotless and blameless bride.

I have learned that seeing my sin in light of His glory and my salvation draws me closer to His word, and gives me a better understanding of how to fear Him in reverential awe rather than in slave-ish mode of duty.

I have learned that I can not be crushed and overwhelmed when He reveals necessary sin to me because He does not do it to condemn me. There is no longer condemnation for me. He does it to continue the purifying process with me. I can praise Him for it because it is His faithfulness and my way to serve Him. That is His will for my life.

I cannot dwell on my sin and be pre-salvation-Martin-Luther. I need to rest in the reality of:
A) He is not surprised
B) He has already given me His righteousness
C) He is ready to cleanse me from all unrighteousness when I confess
D) He is ready to work
E) He is my kind Master who loves me and cares for me