Guys, the Lord IS good, but I am so confused.
Last year, about this time, Andy Bowers was saying that as he looked into the future he didn’t know what to expect and he didn’t know how the Lord was going to provide and so he was getting worried, but knew that he just needed to choose to trust the Lord (ie “live on unseen things”).
When I heard him say those words I laughed within myself and said, “Well, that’s not MY ‘unseen thing.’ I know what’s happening in MY next year. I can see my whole life stretching out before me: Marysville, elementary school teacher, living with my parents.”
Foolish.
It seems that the Lord would have me think that thought in order to humble me.
To remind me that HE is God, not me.
To remind me that I have NO idea what will happen in the next minute, let alone all the way to the end of my days.
(James 4:13-16) I boasted in my arrogance and, “all such boasting is evil.”
Acknowledging this, I PRAISE the LORD that He is the good Father who chastens His children because He loves them and wants/plans/will conform them to the image of His Son.
These moving days are tougher than I expected them to be. I decided to come early because this was a way to live “on the line.” I wanted to choose to do the hard things. (I have been tuning in to the Genesis sermons. I am feeling more akin to Abraham nowadays. I am thankful to be able to read of his choices to TRUST as well as his times of failure.)
Right now I have absolutely NO idea what the future holds.
Last year I thought I could see my life-road stretching out in front of me.
Now it would seem that all I can see is…fog.
When I have driven in the fog I tend to want to get out of it as quickly as possible, especially when I am driving in an unknown place. I prefer to see what’s coming up ahead of me. I want to be able to plan and react in plenty of time.
I don’t like this fog either and I would like to speed up these processes.
Last week I listened to Sean's sermon from two Sundays ago, (I paraphrase):
“When you are discouraged, when it seems like you have been trusting God, but you aren’t seeing anything, and now it has been…three days…”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
I had a good chuckle on that one. (Wish I could have been present to laugh.) Because that is My reaction! I have only been here for 20 days! (Abraham had to wait 25 YEARS to see his promised son and then he never even SAW the nations or the land come into their possession with the promise.)
And, weak one that I am, I have already asked the Lord to just end it all and take me to heaven. (hahaha I was being slightly humorous with the Lord. He knows me.)
He reminds me: this is called life.
It stinks that it is turning out to be so hard for me to be content in this easy situation because that means: I STINK! (sin, sin, sinner)
APPARENTLY, my “trust bucket” is thimble-sized. (Don’t worry; He’s pulling on it…banging on it, pounding [me] it.) He will COMPLETE the work He has started! (In HIS time.)
I am reminded of Elisabeth Elliot’s words in her book, “Keep a Quiet Heart,”
“A quiet heart is content with what God gives. It is enough. ALL is grace. My lot entails my willing acceptance of my portion.” (19)
“[Jesus] taught us to work and watch but never to worry, to do gladly whatever we are given to do, and to leave all else with God.” (18)
“The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” (20)
1 comment:
My dear friend A Mart,
How much I understand of your position and it seems I have been in and out of the small faith big faith circle so many times, but I do know and He has proved over and over again that He is faithful and that He knows perfectly what is best for me- and you- and when e is finished with this training He will take us on to the next session or Home.
Take comfort in knowing that the next session is probably going to be....
harder not easier, because He is building our faith for what is to come and He doesn't build us up for nothing. It took me quite a while before I got out of that valley and then when He was finished there I realized that I never want to go back to the easy road I was once on.
We are so prone to wander and I have found that the hard road makes me realize my complete dependence on Him and as soon as it gets a bit easier then I start to try to plan it out myself and I have been there before and didn't like the outcome.
Keep trusting and asking Him to grow you and He will!!! He is good no matter what circumstance He has you in.. "He has you in". It's for our good and His glory and we must be ready, even, and especially, in the hard times, to give an answer for the hope that is in us. What a glorious place to be, where we must trust Jesus to carry us through and all we can do is rejoice that He is working in and through us.
I love you little sister. Keep on sharing and stay close to Jesus. He is SO worth it.
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