A Chasing after the Wind

I just want to cry. I want to scream. I want to change the world, but I don't know how or where or who. I want to run for miles and not run out of breath and not get tired. And yet, I want to collapsed in a puddle of tears and torment on the floor. I want to release my emotions and know what I am feeling and why I am feeling this way. I am so angry! I am so sickened with myself! When I come to these points in my life this can be a good thing. When I get sick of myself I try to change...I realize the need for a change...and then I look to the Lord and He begins to change me. I learn about Him and He shows me how I can be purified to reflect Him better. Having downs gives us a reason to rejoice in the ups. When I have ups I get tired of them because I see those who are down and I feel as if the Lord is too good with me. But even in my downs, they are nothing. They are pathetic. It's just me focusing on myself. I am unable to take my eyes off myself for a moment in order to look and help those around me. I am too egocentric to look to the Lord and take ahold of His hand.
We are but a vapor. I have my whole life ahead of me to accomplish what the Lord has planned that I might glorify Him, but how long is my life? Who cares if I have a life to live? I can only do what the Lord has decided and what He will tell me to do. I will follow the Lord. I must be content in the circumstances He has given me. He is awesome and holy and wonderful. He is wise and all knowing. He is powerful and good. He is God and He knows me better than I know myself. He hates my sin. He does not will that any should perish, but that all should come to Him. For whatever reason He has chosen me for this purpose. If I live to be 80 I have already lived one-fourth of my life, but I have 3 quarters left. If I live to be 20 and 5 months, I pray that I will have served the Lord in a worthy manner and would not have wasted most of my time thinking about me and throwing pity parties for me, myself, and I. I desire that the Lord would be glorified...but not because of me. What do I matter? I do not. He matters. He receives the glory for ever and ever. He has created and He will destory. He builds and no one can destroy what He has constructed. I might have plans, but no one can stand against the plans of the Lord. I might like my counsel, but the Lord destroyes the counsel of the nations. I am an ant that can be squished without anyone knowing I have expired.
The Lord must be praised and worshiped! People must know Him and His wondrous works! --Selah